Really hope I'm not the only one...

[xQuinnx]

Little one was born 4 days ago and I feel like I'm struggling massively.

I knew that it would be pretty awful in the beginning, sleep deprivation, learning on the job all that stuff but I didn't expect this feeling of complete desperation like I will never be able to cope with this.

I feel like I've had baby blues since day 2! Is that normal? One minute I feel confident and happy the next I am convinced that I am an awful mother and feel guilty that my little one and my is and are stuck with me for the rest of their lives. I feel like I really don't know how I'm going to cope for the rest of my life.
At the moment, baby will not sleep in her basket, she will scream unless she is able to fall asleep on me or hubby. At the moment I am trying to express feed (I've discussed this with my midwife and she has reassured me this is ok even this early) but having to top up with formula as my milk is just coming in. Little one has appeared constantly hungry but then has been sick a few times today, I'm actually scared to feed her because I wonder whether I'm reading her cues wrong and she's just eating because it's there.

My husband is amazingly supportive but I can't stop the feeling of guilt of what I'm putting him through.
Not sure what I'm expecting people to say I just hope I'm not alone in feeling this way

 

[Taurus8484]

I can say that those first few days I really did wonder what we had done!!! It was so difficult and such a shock to the system, I did have times I wish I could reverse time and just go back to being just hubby and I. And the baby blues, I cried at everything the first week.............

It does get better and easier, it really does. Just hang in there and remember that we all went through this at the beginning with the first, but its worth it when you get through it and start to really enjoy bubba, otherwise why would I be doing it all again.

Take care xx

 

[xQuinnx]

Thank you so much for replying, it's good to know that it is just like this and that's that but it passes. Thought is prepared myself for hormone overload but really hadn't! Think I need to stop thinking months/years into the future and go day by day x

 

[Taurus8484]

Yep, just take day by day......of course if you feel like its not getting better, talk to your Doctor to be tested for PND, but the first few weeks are really the worse.

 

[firefly15]

So, so, so normal

This is baby 2 for us and I'm having the same feelings this time too. It's hormonal combined with sleep deprivation and the shock of the birth and it will get better. I have to keep reminding myself about this constantly mind you!

The early days are just so massively overwhelming, but once you start to get a little bit of routine in place after the first few weeks and manage to venture out if the house it suddenly seems more doable and less intimidating.

DS responded really well to being swaddled so maybe give that a go to see if it helps LO settle in the Moses basket. Also have DH wear a t shirt and then put it in the basket - sometimes the smell and warmth means that the basket is more appealing too. Xxx

 

[Popples1]

Completely normal. For me, those first few days are about survival - living from moment to moment, getting through each feed and snatching a little sleep whenever you can. It takes time for you and baba to get to know each other and your confidence will gradually build as you go. Don't worry if you don't know what the hell she wants just now, it's trial and error - food, nappy, cuddles, just try them all until something works I have a 7 month old and it's amazing how well I can read him now but when he was a newborn I felt the same as you - overwhelmed, guilty and a bit shocked to be honest.

The blues will pass before long and you'll be more in love with your baby than you ever imagined possible. Be kind to yourself in the meantime; no housework, no cooking, not even any getting dressed if you can't be bothered (though a hot shower can be 5 minutes of much needed 'you' time). Call on your family to help you and hang in there, mama. You're doing great xx

 

[xQuinnx]

Thank you so much for the replies I'm so glad it's normal.
Trying to express more today and managed to give her a feed just with that so that is progress, will see how the day progresses

 

[tryfor2]

This sounds so familiar, anything else would strike me as downright foreign. Yes, baby blues can strike as early as day 2. Our hormone levels plummet with the delivery of the placenta so once the endorphins and euphoria from birth wear off that hormonal shift hits like a ton of bricks. I had my second baby 9 weeks ago and thought I'd be much better prepared for it this time. Nope. Just like the first time, I burst into tears as soon as I was discharged. The blues are biological and unavoidable so do NOT feel guilty or that you shouldn't be feeling like this. I'd probably be a little concerned if you didn't! Giving birth and becoming a mother is a huge shock to the system in every way. Please be gentle with yourself and your expectations. There is a steep learning curve. You're learning on the job so to speak, with no training, zero breaks, and major sleep deprivation. Throw in the physical recouperation from growing a human being for 9 months and pushing it out of your body, plus all the emotional fallout and hormonal hysteria and you SHOULD be a basket case! And even though this is your baby with some of your genes doesn't mean you won't struggle to get to know him and his needs. Newborns are weird, fussy little creatures that are largely still quite mysterious. Nobody, not even their own mums can appease them all the time so don't even let yourself entertain the thought that you're failing. This is a highly demanding little stranger you're dealing with. Imagine if you were suddenly charged with looking after a deaf-mute adult from a very foreign place and you had to pretty much guess his needs and wants based on cries alone? Sounds nutty, right? But that is essentially what you are doing right now, except it's worse because this creature isn't toilet trained and doesn't eat solid food or sleep on a reliable schedule. I naively thought I'd have a better handle in this newborn/pp period the second time around. Ha. I know what worked for my first child but this little guy is a completely different person, so I'm back to ground zero. I am trying to be patient and just take my time getting to know him. I'm 9 weeks in and still struggling sometimes but it will come. And it will for you too. It sneaks up on you very gradually. You're struggling and flailing and think you're doing a crap job until one day you notice everything seems a little easier and it continues until you think to yourself "Hey, I can actually do this." (And then your baby changes and you're back to grappling to adapt... That's parenthood for you!) Try not to think ahead too much because it is far too overwhelming. Just think, "Can I cope in this moment?" Yes? Then you're doing fine.

It's still early days. I've no doubt that soon your baby will seem like an extension of you. And the fact that you're worried you're not doing a good job is a pretty good indication that you in fact are.

This will pass sooner than you think. In a few short weeks it will be a dim, hazy memory. Hugs. We've been there (or are there). It sucks but it's very, very normal.

 

[xQuinnx]

Thank you so much tryfor2 for those amazing words ^_^ x

 

[Linnypops]

All very normal. I genuinely worried about myself because I had never been that emotionally unstable in my life till then. But - as the others have said - it passes. You'll figure out how to get LO into the basket, how to express while making dinner, the lot. Before you know it you'll be super woman x

 

[xQuinnx]

Starting to feel a bit better/able to cope everyday. Little one is still very much awake at night but I'm getting used to her feeding cues so that's good. Still going with the expressing but it's hard at night when me and hubby are looking after little one in shifts and she won't settle

 

[patch2006uk]

Why are you expressing? Unless you absolutely need to, you're just making more work for yourself. Get some sleep-put the milk straight into the baby, don't bother going via a pump!

Hope the fog is lifting - it took me a good couple of weeks with my first to find my feet, but it's been much more gentle with my youngest (thank goodness!).

 

[xQuinnx]

I found it incredibly stressful to breastfeed and really struggled to get her to latch or latch properly, as a result was too sore too nurse for a few days. My midwife suggested expresing if I still wanted to give her breastmilk but struggled to nurse/didn't want to

 

[Linnypops]

I found bf'ing really difficult with sore cracked nipples for about 2 weeks, but it does clear up - I don't know many women for whom this wasn't the case tbh. It is much much easier to bf after the initial pain rather than express! But I totally understand why you switched....just in the long run it's a pain in the bum

 

[patch2006uk]

So are you exclusively expressing? Does LO latch on at all? Your midwife gave you duff advice tbh - expressing and bottle feeding is just more work for you, and can make latch problems worse. Your LO needs to learn what to do as much as you do, so it's pretty normal to be sore while you're both new to it x

 

[tryfor2]

I'm sorry to hear you're having problems breast feeding , xQuinnx. I am unable to BF so can't offer any advice, but I can only imagine how these troubles may intensify your feelings of failure (I certainly felt like a failure when I learned I couldn't provide my baby with breast milk). The last thing you need right now is another complication. Simplify, simplify as much as you can. It might be worth trying to persevere with the BF (unless it's causing you more harm than good) before your LO gets too used to bottles, if for no other reason than washing and sterilizing bottles every damn day quickly becomes a pain in the ASS! Take it from a FF mum on babe no.2! (Then again, there are inconveniences in BF too...)

Obviously, it goes without saying that you should do what works best for you and your family. I just thought I'd boldly throw in my two cents.... Whatever you choose, concentrate on the fact that you are successfully feeding your child, and that's all that matters in the end.

P.s. Glad to hear things are going a little better otherwise. Xo

 

[xQuinnx]

Thanks tryfor2. I have such respect for ladies who persevere with breastfeeding...unfortunately I'm not one of them. I've given a lot of thought to it, advantages, disadvantages etc and for me expressing works. I'm more relaxed, my baby is still getting my milk and my husband can feed her. The fact that he can feed her is very important to both of us. I know this is a controversial issue but I am confident in my decision. You are right though the amount of sterilising is immense lol

 

[tryfor2]

Hey, if expressing works best for you then great! Sounds like it's settled. You're so fortunate to be able to give your child breast milk. I think that's far more important than the conduit. And even formula isn't the devil as some would have us believe. My 26-month-old has never had breast milk and he is super healthy, strong, intelligent and all those good things. I hear you on having your husband help... My DH did ALL the night feeds to allow me to rest and recouperate. I can't imagine how I'd cope if I was the only one who could feed my baby (to say nothing about being able to get away for a few hours--sometimes you need a physical break from mothering to maintain your sanity!). That is a massive benefit of bottle feeding. Just keep doing what works best for your family and ignore any naysayers. They aren't you, in your situation, in this moment, so they don't get a say!

 

[patch2006uk]

Hats off to you if you're exclusively expressing. I personally found that the worst of both worlds, but if it's working for you guys, then fab! It will be tricky to get everything to come together-the key thing will be to keep hydrated and pumping often. Good luck to you all x

 

[Linnypops]

Fair enough, just for me it was really hard to express and feed and sterilise and etc! Well done anyway for persevering. I agree, getting dads to do feeds is great...We just formula feed on those occassions....my hatred of expressing