REALLY low day. I can't do it.

[totallyashley]

I don't expect an comments I just need to let this all off my chest. Oh gosh it is going to make me sound so ungrateful and an awful Mum but it is how I feel. Lately I have just been thinking that I have made the wrong choice. I can't be a Mum to little Daisy. I just can't do it. It is not right to bring her up in this seperated family. It would be okay if I had my own place and had established myself but I haven't. I live at home with my parents hoping to go to uni next year so we can have a better life. She shouldn't have to be part of the struggle she should have the world. I keep thinking that maybe she would be better with parents that have everything and all the money. A proper family. I just don't feel like I am creating a family. I know I will love her to bits, I do now but it breaks my heart to think that she is going to grow up with two sets of parents. Everytime I think about getting with another guy I feel the guilt of not being with Daisy's Dad and then I think just how unfair it will be to any guy that I get with. Before I got pregnant I could never in the world have dated a guy with kids. I couldn't be Mummy to another persons child, I feel a little differently on this now. I know it sounds bad but I would want to have their first child and I wouldn't want them to have that special link with their ex. If I feel like that then I know others will too. Maybe I will never find another guy and never create that family? I think my thoughts are slightly selfish too. This is just so far from how I planned my life. This is not how things were ment to be. I was also so sure I was going to reach my goals, have a high flying job, see the world, get married, have an amazing house and then have children. So I could give them the best childhood ever. I am doing the complete opposite. I am making her live through the hard bit. I feel like I am hitting my head on a brick wall. I feel like I just don't have a future and that I am going to be stuck in a dead end life. I don't want that. Once again I am sounding so selfish. I wish I could help the way I feel, I really do.
This is hard and she is not even born. This is so hard. Everytime I look at the boxes of her stuff and she kicks I am not feeling happy. I am feeling guility. I know this must be just nervous. I feel guilty for things not turning out the way they should. Some times it is so hard to be positive and happy.

 

[stephx]

Im not in the same situation but plenty of girls do it alone, and do it really well!! You shouldnt feel guilty about bringing her up as a split family, its just sometimes the way things happen

Im sure you will feel differently when you have your LO in your arms

xx

 

[amandad192]

HUGE
She won't remember her very young childhood so it's the best time of her life for you to get through the struggle, then things will get easy and you can give her the world.

I'm sorry I don't know what to say, but things WILL get easier.
Your love for her is the strongest love in the world and when you meet your little baby, you should feel very differently.

PM if you need to chat about things. I'll be your shoulder if you need me.
x

 

[Tanara]

Coming from having a family for my son (with his dad) to struggling on my own for a year to finding someone else. I can honestly say i wouldnt change it. Ive stuggled and we still struggle. But my OH loves my son like his own, and i dont feel guilty that he has seperated parents, i look at it like Right now in his life he has 3 parents who love him with all of their hearts, he has a huge loving family that couldnt be happier he is here. And he honestly loves his life. Whos to say your LOs life would have been better with the FOB being there, as long as she has a mommy and daddy who love her, why should it matter?

pm me if you want to talk. But keep your head up cause imo everything happens for a reason.

 

[amy_2]

I think you need to focus on just relaxing and not thinking about anything negative. Make a list of the positives. Spend time with friends and family.

Many people who get married and have kids don't end up staying together anyway. And their kids end up going through their parents messy divorce.

Also the dream of the 'nuclear family' keeps many women childless, often well into their 30's or untill it is too late.

 

[Sophiiie]

Aww hun plenty of children are brought up in seperated families now, and it won't affect the fact that you'll be a great mother. Lots of families struggle, whether it's because they're going through education to better themselves, or if they're on low paid jobs or even if they've been made redundant. The good thing is that you've got the support of your parents, stay postive, I know it's hard xx

 

[pinkribbon]

You still have the opportunities you would have had if you hadn't been pregnant... Yes it'll probably be a lot harder but it's not impossible. If going to uni is your dream, I say go do it. There's plenty of help with both money and advice if at any point it starts to get on top of you. I'm going back to uni next year to finish my last year and I know it'll be very hard, but in the long run it's worth it if I can get a better job to provide more for Jake. OH dropped out of education before I even get pregnant so we're both relying on me to bring the money in.

As for being seperated from baby's Dad... it's not the end of the world hunny. My best friend had a daughter at 17 and had a son at 19 with a different guy. Her daughter is treat just the same by the both of them and is just as much a part of the family.

You need to stop being so hard on yourself and believe that you can and will do this! It is possible!

 

[Kayleigh1991]

Relax... You're obviously quite early into Motherhood! Me & My daughter's dad split when she was only 3 months. I was fortunate enough to have a house, but sometimes that seemed like more of a burden than anything else! Rather than concentrating solely on my daughter, i had to worry about bills, food shopping, heating, housework... Nobody can offer your daughter a better home than you, because you are her Mother... fact of the matter is, children love their mothers, they rely on their mothers.
Don't let it get you down chick, things will get better!!
And as for the whole, relationship thing. Just because you have a child, does not mean that you won't get a partner... at all!! Since splitting with Aaliyah's dad, i had a boyfriend for almost a year, who treated my daughter like his own... then a bf, we unfortunately went our own ways after a couple of months... and Now... I've got another boyfriend, we've been talking about getting married, he treats my daughter like a princess and we're having a baby of our own.
Truth is, there are SO many girls out there with kids already, because relationships aren't how they used to be, people don't feel forced to stay in an unhappy relationship just because of children.

Just relax... take life as it comes, and make the absolute most of having your daughter around you

 

[Jadelm]

Massive hugs we'll get through this single parent thing hun, just because she has two seperate parents doesn't mean she has any less love, and even for me with fob basically not wanting to know I know I can give her all the love for mummy AND daddy Life may not be how you planned it but life is never as easy as you think it's gonna be, my aunt who did wait to have kids told me she wished she'd done it sooner because you can never truly be ready for kids in the sense that you'll never feel like you have enough money to give them all the things you want to, you'll never have the perfect life that you want to bring them into because perfect is just something that doesn't exist. Instead the best mum's bring their babies into a loving world and you just do all you can to make sure they're happy. I was brought up by a single mum after my dad died when i was a baby, and times were tough she was skint and we lived on a council estate but do you think i noticed these things? My mum loved me and spent every minute she could playing with me and making sure i was having fun and I can honestly say i had THE BEST childhood which just proves that you don't need all the fancy things and the 'perfect' family

Think I rambled on a bit there but I hope I helped a little xxx

 

[lushious09]

sounds like anntenatal depression and you should seek help asap... having a baby is not the end of your life... me and the babys father split after 2months into the pregnancy due to him cheating... if anything my life is better because i was positive... i have found a home i have sorted a job for after baby is born and will be attending a uni course in nursing next sept... ive also worked out my savings and sorted my finnancial situation... there are people out there who have no one hun and far worst off then you... you get on with it because you have to for your babys sake!... as for meeting a new man yes he may not be the biological father but he could be a far better dad... anyone can donate sperm it takes a real man to be a father... there are hundreads of women out there who are single mums and go on to meet great men and end up married with the perfect family and a family that loves your 1st child just as much... you need to speak with your mw because anntenatal depression is serious x

 

[Anna_due Dec]

The divorce statistics are so high now that your baby is the norm. Also, i got pregnant at 18 and had the baby-Chloe. I am now married to a bank manager (not fob) and i have had 2 boys to my husband and expecting another. I went to uni and i have travelled a little. Hubby and i have big plans to travel all over the world when kids are older. Husband loves chloe as his own. It's what you make of it. Chin up and keep working to get where you want to be. Stay at home as long as you can, mum's are great and give you a chance to breathe when it's too much to deal with. Chloe hasn't suffered at all for my decisions and believe me, i despaired in the beginning as well.

 

[Justagirlxx]

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling low. I know I dont know you I just want to say that I hope things get better for you. I dont think its too late or too early for you to start thinking about adoption. It sounds like it could be an option for you to explore. I wish you the best and you are not being selfish to be scared and unsure.