Really not having a good day today mmc / this pregnancy

[Mrs Doddy]

Having a hormonal day about my last pregnancy and this new one and peoples reactions.

Firstly it never crossed my mind that I would be upset that it's mothers day- since gettin my bfp in jan I got through my due date and it was easier- I had a new pregnancy and this was my focus- it worked although I was worried sick everything seems ok so far. I have felt guilty that I didn't go to my mums grave to say happy mothers day, that I didn't go to say hello to my angel baby and that I'm sat here pretending all is normal. I don't know why I'm feeling this when I should be greatful for the baby I do have, I just wish that my baby was here and we had a family day. I didn't expect to feel upset and emotional still about the mmc but things keep coming up and I'm finding that I'm not as strong as I thought I was

Re this pregnancy I've had a few weird comments- while I don't think that they were meant in bad way I don't understand why they were said, my aunt told me to take better care of myself this time . I'm sorry but WTF??? I didn't do anything wrong to cause my baby to die, and a few other reactions weren't what I expected. I've told everyone now Ive had my nt scan but feel worried that I maybe have should have kept it quiet a bit longer. What if something goes wrong now we would have to go through it all again with everyone knowing ???? I've had a few days of feeling ok after the scan and am now worried again that it's such a long time till the mw appointment to make sure all is ok.

 

[Drazic<3]

Hun, I understand about the comments, I don't think people have any concept of what they say. We already harbour so much unwarrented guilt. As for how to cope, follow what your heart is telling you. It's okay to feel however is right for you.

 

[Jox]

when we first got our BFP i was so excited about telling everyone but now... im dreading it!! dreading comments we may get....etc

wish i could keep this pregnancy to myself until I hold my baby safe (and alive) in my arms.

xxx

 

[lori]

First of all, massive Happy belated mother's day. Just because you don't have a baby in your arms doesn't make you any less of a mother. It's obvious that you love both of your babies.

It really sucks that so many of the first trimester joys (like sharing the news) are lacking that special something they had the first time around. I can definitely relate. I was so excited and happy to be sharing the news with family with our first, but this time I mostly just feel anxious. Every time we tell someone, I think "oh my god, that's another person I'm going to have to tell if things go wrong"

Re this pregnancy I've had a few weird comments- while I don't think that they were meant in bad way I don't understand why they were said, my aunt told me to take better care of myself this time . I'm sorry but WTF???

What an awful thing to say! While she probably didn't mean to be hurtful, you'd think that common sense would keep her from saying something like that! After my mmc, my husband's grandmother kept calling with "suggestions" about what I might have done wrong, like "do you think it happened because she's a vegetarian? she shouldn't have been working so much". This time we told her last, and her reaction was "that's great, we'll see what happens this time." I know it's really hard, but I'm finding it helpful to only discuss the pregnancy with people who are excited and supportive. If his grandma brings it up, I promptly change the subject. I don't need that kind of negativity.

I really hope you're able to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy a bit more. I know it's hard and it will never feel "safe", but I really believe it's going to get better. All the best, sweetie

 

[Smiler13]

Hi Mrs Doddy,

Can relate to a lot of those feelings.

People say bad stuff, have had similar comments, they are just ignorant and don't know how much m/c hurts. A close friend of mine said when my 12-week scan went well "maybe those other times your body just wasn't ready for another baby", implying that was my fault for trying too soon. Luckily I can chunter to my partner or ladies on here and let it go, 'cos people just don't know.

Best wishes for your second tri!

 

[JASMAK]

Sorry for your loss. I too felt weird about telling people...and then the weird comments just made it worse. I even had one lady tell me "don't you think you should not tell people just in case". It made me feel ashamed for telling anyone. I had someone tell me that I should "eat right" so I don't m/c this time. I blame myslef enough (even though I know my losses were never my fault) I don't need someone else to blame me too. People can just be so rude...and the sad thing is...they don't even realize. They walk away completely unaware that it hurt like hell.

 

[MissyMojo]

Hey sweetheart,

yesterday was a toughie for me too hunni, was sat in the car and poof - floods of tears,

davids gone n told like the world this time hes soo excited and all i can think of is the fear,

i think its completely normal,
and we all have each other xxxxxxxxxxxx