Really, Really bad day...6 week nightmare

[kam78]

Hey Ladies ...

Well, here I am ... 6 weeks out ... from the worst day of my life!

I truly thought I was gonna be OK once this day came, I've been thinking & planning for it actually .. BUT it's crap! It actually started off as any other day but soon went to crap as soon as I was talking with a friend ....

Well, here's what did it... Let me fill ya in just a bit ..

I have 4 older children and my 4th child was a preemie, d/t stupid IC (Incompetent Cervix) well, that was 8 years ago... He was in the NICU for 3 months growing & doing amazing, we walked away from that with NO issues.. SOooo very blessed with that, he was born at 27 weeks weighting 2.5lbs ...

SO, I met this lady in the NICU, her daughter was born about the same day, same issues and we bacame friends... After all these years, we have still remained in contact and get the kids together regularly... BUT as we spoke of our NICU babies turning 8 in a few days , I mentioned how it made me think of my Emma, how I won't get to celebrate those accomplishments with her ... Very quiet & deep in thought when she said .... " I understand, and you have beautiful children & Emma is in the best place." ... OMG...

Really?!? Did she really just say ALL of those lil things.... I was immediately upset , felt like I was gonna snap FINALLY and tell her "NO! You don't understand! Have you ever been told that you are gonna deliver your daughter and she will not make one lil sound, that she will already be passed away once you see her...." NOpe, she hasn't ... Then wanna say " Yes! I KNOW I have 4 beautiful healthy children, but who the hell care how many living children I have, I still lost 1! The pain is still there!" ... She has 2 children, and I soooo wanted to say " Well so, if something happened to your daughter, then I could say, Well at least you have your son!" ... Seriously...?? Then when she said "She's in a better place." .... Really?? No! She isn't, best place for her is to be with her MOTHER ....

I really wanna make a flyer and pass it out to everyone I know.... Saying ... "What NOT to say to a grieveing mother" .... Hahahaha ...

I just hate this all ... Emma was born 6 weeks ago tomorrow, I'm going back to work soon , with NO baby ... Can't believe I just had to take a maternity leave with NO baby in my house... No cute baby pics to take to work with me to show off my daughter ... No funny sweet stories to share how she doesnt sleep well & we sit and rock and sing silly songs ....

My heart is broken all over again .... As I lay in bed for the last few nights, thoughts of her consume me, just longing to be her mom , to be able to do all the things I do with my other children, well damn it, I wanna do them with her too ...

I'll never understand why she was taken from me & I'm really trying not to be angry at HIM and trying to remain open minded, but not today .... I'm not angry, just heartbroken & miss my Em ... She would have had such a great life ...

Thanks girls for always listening & showing me such support ...

 

[SassyLou]

People just don't get it do they, I can't believe the crap they come out with.

Lots of

xxx

 

[jojo23]

so sorry huni, it really is awful the things people come out with, i always get the whole oh your young you'll have plenty more as if a baby is a disposable thing!!! you might be surprised how nice the people at work are i was dreading going back but im glad i did because if i had to look at the 4 walls of my living room for another day id have gone mad!! i think its best to keep your distance from this woman for a little while and if she does ask why just explain that although you know she didnt mean it in that way it geniunely hurt you!! thinking of you hun xxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Oh Kelly, I know exactly what you mean I lost half of me the day i lost my Ava , Kelly, I miss her so much also. Today i just sat at her grave for about an hour and cried, I kept asking why why and why? Why can't she be here with me and her daddy and her 3 brothers, why? It's 9 weeks Kelly and I feel more pain each day, when does it get better for us? I am so sorry you had a bad day and I wish I could just sit and have lunch with you and talk, i know we would have such a good time cause we both know how this feels You know I am always here for you.
XOXOXOOXOX

 

[MaevesMummy]

oh hun thats so sad. People say awful things. The truley dont mean to. They just fumble arround feeling like thay have to say something.
Then the wrong thing comes out.
It doesnt matter how many other children you have, you lost Emma, you have as much right to grieve as someone who has no other children. I cant imaginbe how hard this is for you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[emk10]

I know its hard hun, but sometimes I appreciate it when someone says anything at all rather than trying to avoid talking about it! Unless someone has been through the hell that we have, they have no chance of knowing what to say/do! So I just take what anyone says with a pinch of salt to be honest! But having said that I am a very strong person and some people arent as strong as me, so