Really struggling with waiting- long sorry

[Dream.A.Dream]

Really really really struggling with waiting today.

I just want to cry and scream and shout

I know it's completely irrational but i want to shout at OH and ask how he can be so selfish and lie to my face when he says he'd do anything to make me happy.(I know he isn't actually being selfish, if anything i probably am) He obviously won't do anything because he won't let us try for the one thing that would make me happy. I've even gone as far as to think that he can't really love me, because if he did then he would want me to be happy which he clearly doesn't. Why should i sacrifice my happiness for his?

I know a baby is a commitment between two people, but he's even been saying in recent months that it is definitely something he wants, he is ready but he wants to wait until we've moved in together to start trying (which will be by Jan at the latest). I think he thinks that if he just sticks his bits inside me for one second i'll get pregnant. He doesn't understand it can take a lot of time. I've found out that i need surgery in the near future. It could possibly end up being even bigger surgery than first suspected. The more serious surgery has quite high complication risks (around 5-10% of people do not survive the operation), it could also be an even more serious condition/disease than is currently known. As over the top as this will sound...i don't want to die without having had the chance to have children. I do not want to undergo very serious surgery without knowing i've at least tried to achieve my dream of having a family.

I also am getting really down about people not understanding how i feel, saying i'm stupid because of my age or that it's hard work. I know exactly how much hard work it is, through my own experiences with people i know and through reading those of people on here. Contrary to what a lot of people keep telling me i don't think a baby is just a doll to look after. I know it's a lifelong commitment, it's one i want to make. I know that i won't have my own freedom and someone else will suddenly become the centre of all of my decisions, i can't think of anything that would make me happier. There's nothing i want more than seeing my own child grow and develop, and being involved in that process.

Sorry this is so long, and such a rant. If anyone managed to read it all then thanks for taking the time. I just feel so down about it . xx

 

[Alexas Mommy]

 

[amyblackstone]

Sorry you are feeling so down sweetie. Hope everything will go great with the surgery and you can TTC soon.. Take care hun

Love,
Amy.

 

[jillypoop]

I know how you feel. well apart from the surgery. Me and OH are always (and I mean about half an hour every day) talking about kids and getting married etc but he never wants to do anything about it. I keep on watching films and tv programs that have childbirth scenes to try and scare me (I know its weird and pathetic but it used to work) but now that doesn't even work!
I'm starting college in January and I think that it will take my mind off it. I'm doing the £4K challenge next year to try and save up loads of money for wedding/baby fund. It basically involves you paying for rent, council tax and water, then everything else comes out of a £4K budget. Not really looking forward to it but if we get a nice wedding and have a bit of money in the baby fund I'll be happy.

Hope this helps. Just try to focus on something else apart from babies for a while and hopefully your OH will realise that he wants you to talk to you about TTC!

xxx

 

[TashaAndBump]

I'm sorry that you are feeling so down, hunni.

Just try to remember that there is not long to go now, and your OH is not saying never, he is just saying "not yet", which tbh isn't that unreasonable... You know he wants the same things as you, he just wants it to be perfect.

because if he did then he would want me to be happy which he clearly doesn't. Why should i sacrifice my happiness for his?

I think this statement is a little misguided: You're still at college aren't you? Maybe he is looking out for your long-term happiness and not giving in to your mutual desires to have a baby right here, right now. And as for why should you sacrifice your happiness for his? This statement may stand if he was saying no babies ever, but he is just saying, "Wait for me, wait until I am ready... until WE are ready." Which is fair enough in a sense, no matter how frustrating it is. After all, if he would not be happy trying right this second, should he sacrifice that comfort and happiness for yours?

It is truly my belief (although correct me if I am wrong) that he is just looking out for your future interests, and your future together. He wants you to be living together, and for you to be able to finish college, so that in the future there couldn't possible be any regrets. You will know that this decision will not be rushed and will be something that YOU will know in your heart you BOTH wanted, and were BOTH happy.

I hope that this makes sense and doesn't come across as lecturer-ey, I was hoping that it would give you an alternative angle on things but I can see it might not come across that way.

I truly know how much time drags when you are waiting, and how sometimes it can seem that the only thing you ever think about is having that baby, trying for that baby... getting that positive test... going to that first scan... Gash I'm broody

I hope that the trials of waiting do not cause tension or problems in your relationship with your OH Try not to resent him for it... he is trying to do what he thinks is best for you both in the long run. He wants that life and probably is having a hard time waiting himself... Enjoy your time as a couple as much as you can, move in with him, enjoy living with him and having your bedroom to yourself before you have to share it with a baby! haha Have lots of romantic evenings and spontaneous sex (because believe me you don't get much of either after baby arrives! ) Get to that point in your college course where you can try without the pregnancy / baby interfering with your studies / exams... Make sure you do this in a way where there can't possibly be any regrets in the future.

And as for having problems trying to conceive, you really shouldn't worry about that... You are young and healthy. 80% of women who are having unprotected sex will fall pregnant within a year, if you're actually trying (i.e. charting ovulation and having unprotected sex around when you ovulate) that time is halved for most women to six months, 95% of women conceive within two years. The chances of you having problems conceiving a baby, or it taking longer than a year are so, so slim.

Try to relax and enjoy each other... It would be such a shame if the trials of WTTC came between you...

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way.... It is meant 100% with kindness. I do understand your need to have a rant and am not trying to take that away at all, it IS hard to have to wait, I'm just trying to shine a positive light on things ...and maybe get yer OH out of the dog house lol

Best of luck to you, hun - hope that the next 11 months fly by, xxxx

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

hunni im going to be slightly blunt but not in a nasty way...

IT takes 2 to make a baby which you obviously no if your OH isnt ready then YOU have to respect that. i no your ready but he obviously isnt and is scared at the prospect of having a little one yet. by you feeling like this your gunna push him in to a corner which could break you up. im sure you dont want that.

there are so many people who have no choice but to wait alot longer but have to cope. your a strong girl you can do it. i have to wait and have no choice. i no what its like to want a baby. iv been waiting 2 years i just think you need 2 step back and look at the bigger picture, and think maybe its time for you but its not time for your oh.
for a yr my OH said he wanyted a baby just coz i said i did. he was terrified to say he wasnt sure.

just dnt push eachother

 

[Drazic<3]

Hey sweety.

So much of what you have said resounds with me so much. I think in life we are in a pretty similar position (age, uni..ect) and there have been times when i have felt i hate my OH for stopping this, but deep down i understand what he is saying.

Im so sorry to hear you need an op. I can imagine how it would make you rethink your priorities ect, but maybe you can use it to make different steps towards mummyhood? Im overweight so im using the time to lose it. I dont know how much you weight but maybe you could try and gain/lose a little weight? or try and get fitter for the birth? or even dedicate your time to a few weeks of taking vitamins to get your body as ready as possible? its helping me get through.

Just remember, its not long. whatever it feels like now. If you wanna talk, please pm me

 

[nightkd]

Hey Katy, I've felt like this before. A few times and I've been in situations thinking "I don't want to miss out on the opportunity, what if I have it now, but I'm going to have lost it by the time I get to try?" I'm kinda scared that by not pushing my OH into trying for a baby now, by the time we do try I could have developed something that will stop me conceiving or something.... Paranoid eh? Lol, I just want it so bad that I don't want to lose out on the chance without realising..

Now that you've left uni for a bit, isn't it worth really getting stuck into something you WANT to do? Maybe then you'll feel better about waiting a bit, because you'll be doing something you enjoy?

I really really wanted a baby a few months ago, because I was unemployed and I was frustrated. I was thinking I could have a baby for something to do...instead of working etc, that would be my responsibility and I wouldn't just be sat around, I'd always have something to concentrate on and could throw myself into..

It might feel worse because you've been doing something you don't enjoy... Now you can do something you really want to do and you can get your own place, and then you'll know that you've acheived something for your baby. You'll definately have a place to live and money to spend on your LO.

I completely understand how frustrating it is, especially when your OH says he's ready but he wants to wait. You think "what's the point in waiting???"

I've felt selfish because my BF started saying he'd start trying with me just to make me happy... Wouldn't it be worse if you're BF got you pregnant for YOUR sake and then told you later that he didn't want to?... Isn't it better that you're both fully into it, because then it's a journey for both of you, rather than something you enjoy, but your BF regrets? It's frustrating, but I would want to be able to enjoy being pregnant, rather than feeling guilty because my BF didn't really want it...


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Thanks everyone. I know that it was kind of an irrational rant. I'm feeling better about it all today. Was just really down the other day. I know he's just looking after my best interests at the end of the day. We're gonna be moving in together really soon Can't wait. xx

 

[TashaAndBump]

Glad you're feeling better

We all have days like that

 

[Drazic<3]

Im glad your feeling better too.
Moving in together? thats fantastic and something to look forward to

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Yeah, just need to get a damn job first. We're definitely moving in together but it might be at my mum's first until we both have jobs and then we can move into our own place. xx