Really struggling

[broodymrs]

In two minds whether to post this but here goes. Bear in mind I'm hormonal, sleep deprived and don't feel like this all the time but this is how I feel right now.

I feel like I don't want to do this. My baby is coming up to 5 weeks old. He's an easy baby in comparison to my first but the last few days he's struggling with feeding. I think there's some reflux going on. This in turn means I cannot put him down, ever. He's only ok if he's being fed (sometimes anyway), in the sling, or he'll sometimes settle in his pram or the car although he mainly hates his car seat. My husband can seem to get him to settle but he isn't around in the day and finishes work at 7. I just feel I have a baby constantly attached to my boob or my body and I am so over it. To be fair, once he's asleep at night he's a pretty good sleeper and only has one night feed but after that feed, omg, he makes the most horrendous noises even though he's asleep. I've just been lying in bed, dh snoring away one side, baby making dinosaur noises the other. He eventually woke himself up and the only way he'll now settle is on me. I feel bad for feeling like this. I do wonder if I'm struggling to bond a bit as I don't think I feel that overwhelming love. I don't know what I feel really, I just know I'm not really enjoying this at the moment. I feel like I'm just existing, dragging myself to baby groups that start far too early in the morning just for some adult company. I'm lonely but smothered at the same time. I feel helpless like I don't know what to do with this little bundle other than just keep sticking a boob in his mouth. And I'm messing that up now too. I'm sure I did feel like this with my first, but I can't really remember and I love him to pieces now. I do love this one, I'm just sick of having someone depend on me so entirely. Selfish I know but it would be nice if other people could help more but because I'm breastfeeding they can't really. I'm reluctant to introduce bottles as I don't want to express or get him preferring bottles over me. Which is stupid really as if he did prefer bottles then problem solved, everyone could help out. But breastfeeding is easier than faffing around with bottles too. Ok I'm done whinging now, just needed to get that off my chest.

Can anyone relate?

 

[donnarobinson]

Your doing amazing Hun
It's hard work your baby is still so new !
We've all been there Hun it does get easier
Try and get some time just for u if u can even just for a nice hot soak in the bath x
Your doing amazing x

 

[IchigoMewMew]

I could almost have written this myself except i'm finding breastfeeding quite painful so when i'm really tired i absolutely dread doing it. DD has a tongue tie and deep palate but the lactation consultant doesn't think the tongue tie is causing the pain so told me to try a new latch technique for a week that i really can't get the hang of 😞 I have found that going out even if it's just round the corner to buy milk does lift my mood a bit but i can't handle it if i'm too tired. Sometimes i just base myself in the bedroom so i can nap but I think that makes me feel worse if i hardly get out of bed. Even going into the living room instead can help but finding the motivation to take the moses basket etc downstairs can be difficult. I don't have any experience with the reflux, hope it settles down

 

[noon_child]

Sounds soooooooooooo familiar. That constant dependence is really, really hard. I think all mothers hit that point but that it does get better and later on you feel good about being the person your LO depends upon.

I never got a rush of love with my LO. It took time to get to know her and time for her to develop in to a person, not just a demanding 'thing'. I'm sure I heard somewhere that babies have evolved to start smiling at six weeks because if they didn't they wouldn't survive because the six week point is where everyone feels like they are going to snap!

It isn't just you. You aren't messing up. it is hard.

 

[ssarahh]

I was another one who didn't get the rush of love. I loved my baby but our bond certainly grew over time and when he started to interact with me more.

Your doing amazingly xx

 

[broodymrs]

Thank you all. The smiling thing makes sense! I didn't immediately bond with my first but I'd assumed that was due to a difficult birth. Seems like perhaps it's just going to take a little time with this one too. Today's been ok though. I think night times always seem harder.

Finn had a tongue tie too and feeding was really painful. So glad we got it snipped. It might be worth getting it snipped anyway and seeing if it helps. Finn didn't feel any pain at all. He let out a one second cry and that was it.

Thank you again. It's nice to know I'm not alone

 

[adrie]

I can relate! I too thought our son had reflux, however, now I think it's been a combination of not getting enough and gas.

Our son was born Feb 21 and I EBF for 2.5 weeks upon which point he was still 3oz shy of his birth weight of 8lbs, 1oz. I switched to formula and he is eating like a hound, 5oz every 3 hours! Yesterday he had a 6oz bottle. My eldest was the polar opposite (and small to boot); she never even took 6oz bottles until weening onto food! It's nuts.

Those EBF weeks that was literally all I did all day, have him at the breast. I'm not joking, and he clearly was not getting enough. In the first week of being formula fed, he gained an entire pound!

I found with both first and second pregnancies, the first 3-4 weeks was the hardest, and then things just sort of normalize. I would probably be where you are at this point however, as even if he was gaining properly, something would have to give as I have an older child and myself to care for. So likely I would have HAD to start pumping and building a stash, there would have been no other option.

Do you have options? If BF is established, I would start pumping and building a stash. Just my thoughts.

 

[broodymrs]

I'm hoping to get to 6 weeks before expressing or using bottles. TBH with a toddler and a baby I feel I've probably not got time to express so I'd have to use formula if he had any bottles and while breastfeeding is going well I'd rather avoid that. I have a weird relationship with breastfeeding. I don't actually enjoy it much and don't like being the only source of food for baby, but I do feel really proud of what I'm doing so that pride makes me continue. I was the same with my son and was devastated when he decided he preferred bottles (and that's why I want to avoid them this time).

Glad your little one is doing better on formula. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps to hear others feel the same!

 

[minties]

I can't totally relate. Felt the exact same with #2 and had it really bad with #3. I felt so sick of being touched all the time and was about ready to scream when Emma was very little.

I can't promise you anything, but I know it suddenly seemed like everything was so much better as she got bigger. By 3-4 months I was even feeling broody which is rediculous. Now it seems year since she was a tiny baby but she's only 8 months old.

Once those smiles came it really helped a lot.

 

[Literati_Love]

Oh yes, I can relate! You are not the only one! I totally felt like I was going to crack at 5 weeks (which was only a month ago now). It felt so hard and it was so tiring having someone attached to me all day AND dealing with a super clingy toddler at the same time! I had some very dark days and worried I was developing PPD, but to be honest about a week ago it just suddenly lifted! And I could totally be speaking too soon, and I am sure there will be hard weeks ahead, but I do feel like things got a lot easier as soon as she hit 2 months, and I am betting things will get even easier in the near future! I remember life getting a lot more manageable around the 4 month mark with my first baby. Of course there are always things that are really hard with babies (especially ones who don't sleep, like mine), but it does get to a point where you feel a bit more sane and up for the challenge. I am sure it is different for everyone, but I KNOW you will get there soon! Hugs!! You're doing an awesome job!

 

[broodymrs]

I also remember 4 months being a turning point with my first. Fx it's a bit sooner this time!