Recently found out our baby has Down's Syndrome

[Hanrahans05]

Hi everyone, so at 14 weeks i went in for the Maternit21 test after we had a positive serum test with the first trimester blood work. At 16 weeks it was positive, and went right to a specialist. We had about an hour to two sono and then we did amnio. Sono confirmed, then 2 days later amnio confirmed.
This is our 3rd baby boy and im only 29 years old! I am terrified...
Its all I think about... any one with any advice??

 

[Dollybird]

Hanrah I'm sorry to hear the news wasn't what you wanted. I never had any of the anomaly tests done as I felt I didn't want to ruin my pregnancy worrying when I know that no matter what- downs or no downs- I will love this child. I firmly believe god wont give u anything u cant handle and children with downs can have the happiest most fulfilled lives. I'm sure once you have your bubs all this worry will fade away to nothing.. Yes there may be hiccups but you'll get through them. Lots of love xxx

 

[Lizbet12]

Hanrah, I think this is a really personal and challenging issue to deal with and I probably have a more controversial view in that I also have another child and I feel I would need to consider them when making any decision to continue with the pregnancy.

For me I have met individuals with Downs who lead very independent lives and also those who require greater support. My concern would be that once myself and my partner either passed away or where no longer able to care for our child with Downs the responsibility would becomes out daughters.

I would struggle to make that committment on behalf of my young child at this stage in their life and would fear that the care system in the UK is littered with examples of substandard services.

That said individuals with Downs can be some of the happiest people you interact with and bring real joy and pleasure to the lives of others.

I'm sorry if I haven't helped and wish you health and happiness whatever you choose to do x

 

[1Atalanta]

We opted not to do any of the tests, so we will be find out when baby gets here! My uncle has downs and, though he has had his challenges, has always been a joy to our family and a hard working part of society.

Just a thought though, these tests are not as conclusive as the medical professionals act like they are. My friend tested with sono and amnio and they told her that her baby absolutely had downs. The Dr. urged her to abort, but she decided to keep the baby against their advisement. Well little 2 year old baby boy is healthy and shows no signs of downs.

Good wishes and thoughts for you and your family right now!

 

[ncmommy]

I'm sorry you are going through this! I would advise you to seek out other parents with Downs and talk to them. They may help answer tough questions you may have.

With that said I was formerly a special education teacher and my Downs students were some of the most sweetest students, they were a joy to be around.

You and your family will be in my thoughts!

 

[solitaire89]

This is a difficult time for you, as you have some decisions to make. Look at all of the information that you can before making any sort of decision. Talk to parents with children who have Down's Syndrome, and preferably parents with older children who do not have Down's Syndrome - if you can, face to face, rather than on a forum. You must be happy in whatever you decide to do - but please be aware that you do have choices.

My thoughts are with you

 

[cupcake23]

This must be a difficult time for you as this is not what is expected when we plan a pregnancy, a healthy baby is what everybody want and should get but this doesn't mean a child that requires specialist care is not a child that can not have a good life.

I can only suggest you do as much research as you can, how this will affect you and your immediate family. Amniocentesis would be a conclusive result as it is actually looking at your baby's chromosomes, I'm assuming your having further scans as baby's with trisomy 21 can have cardiac problems and this maybe another aspect you will have to consider.

How you feel about your pregnancy and the choices you may make are personal. I really wish you all the best.

 

[CatherineK]

My good friend has a beautiful son with Downs...he is a gift from heaven, and has a great relationship with his sisters (older). Talk with some parents of Children with downs, meet with some of them. It may ease your fears some.

 

[matildasmummy]

Hi.
I'm not going.to say sorry that you have found this child to have downs because I do not feel having a child with downs is something.to be sorry about. You have been blessed with a very special child and I believe in time you will come to realise this too. Many children and adultsbwith downs have very fulfilling lives and although they may need.extra attention they will be a pleasure ti have. From my experience the children with.downs I have known were remarkable children and I will never forget them. They will always hold a special place in my heart as they taught me so much about life.
I would advise if your in UK to speak to you special needs inclusion team at your councils childcare department as they will help you to find parents who can meet and speak to you. I wish you and your beautiful child all the best x x

 

[AllieM]

Hi.
I'm not going.to say sorry that you have found this child to have downs because I do not feel having a child with downs is something.to be sorry about. You have been blessed with a very special child and I believe in time you will come to realise this too. Many children and adultsbwith downs have very fulfilling lives and although they may need.extra attention they will be a pleasure ti have. From my experience the children with.downs I have known were remarkable children and I will never forget them. They will always hold a special place in my heart as they taught me so much about life.
I would advise if your in UK to speak to you special needs inclusion team at your councils childcare department as they will help you to find parents who can meet and speak to you. I wish you and your beautiful child all the best x x

As the parent of a "special" child, I agree very much with this poster. They really are beautiful souls that teach us so much about unconditional love. I know when my son was born (we did not know of his special needs before birth), I thought "how will I cope"? Well, 8 years into it, I have grown so much and become such a better parent than I would have been had I not had a child with challenges. I didn't gain strength, I found the strength that was always inside of me. My son made me a better person.

Find a support group that deals specifically with Downs. Other mothers of similar children will be a big help to you as you start out on this journey. In an odd way, when you talk to others that are in your situation, it helps "normalize" your child's condition, and assists you in dealing with the worry and self pity.

Much love to you and your family.

 

[Jess137]

You do have choices. That being said, I honestly don't know what I would do in that position. But the people with downs that I've met are the happiest people and so full of joy. I don't have any advice for you though.

 

[MrsTurner2012]

Life will be different but being a parent is joyous in any form.

Embrace the fact your baby has downs and look for the positives.

You may be scared but just as any mother just knows what to do looking after him/her will just come naturally x

 

[xdxxtx]

I think the first thing that needs to be done is you need to know what to expect, in order to make informed decisions and to get a better handle on things.

Perhaps a local school will let you visit the special education class so you can educate yourself on the subject. A good friend of mine is a "special needs" teacher and teaches a dozen children with Downs, and she's had visitors with/expecting babies with Downs in her classroom before. Perhaps you know someone... or know someone who knows someone who teaches "special needs" kids and can help you to learn more about it.

Also, in my area, there is an apartment complex for adults with Downs... so they can be more independent. Many of the residents work at the thrift shop that funds the building and pays their bills, and they can find jobs elsewhere as well. They make sure they have everything they need so their parents can live their "empty nest" life knowing that their kids are all happy and in environments that are best for them. They spend lots of time visiting their families and go on trips with the others who live in the apartment building as well.

If I were you, I'd research all the programs and things they have for people with Downs, perhaps take a visit or just ask questions over the phone. Do lots of online research. I'm sure there are other forums just for parents of kids with Downs that you can use to learn more as well. Good luck with everything!!!

 

[joea]

i've worked with many children with downs and I have 2 friend with gorgeous children who just happen to have downs. One is quite hard work the other is so bright that you only notice her downs from a speech impediment and facial features. Both are loved and very much wanted by their family. good luck with it all x

 

[MumToEva]

Not got any advice for you, as only you know how you feel about things, but just wanted to give you a big . Hope you are doing ok

 

[sue_88]

I hope you get all the advice you need. X

 

[girlinyork]

I know some women found good advice from ARC. I'm so sorry about this shock and I hope you get the support you need xx

 

[19Mommy]

I worked with some kids with downs when I started volunteering at my nephews school a year ago and I have to tell you, they are some of the sweetest people ive ever met!!! I havent met a kid/person with downs that ISNT caring infact they seem more loving and caring than regular people. I always wondered if they were how humans are SUPPOSED to be. I think when your baby is born you will love him/her and that concern will diminish.

 

[BCMommy]

First of all, congratulations!

Getting unexpected news of any kind can be very difficult especially when it involves a child...your child. My advice to you is this: the geneticists can only provide you with general information. A better source is to reach out to families and support groups. Trisomy families live it every day and they see a side of trisomy that geneticists and doctors will never see. Your LO will change your life. You may be afraid right now but my God, this child will help you discover strength you never knew you had before.

I know some good online support groups if you are interested.

 

[sassymrsbee]

This is a facebook page of a friend of mine who has a beautiful daughter with downs. Her story is very inspiring and you may find a lot of support from this page.


https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Down-Syndrome-Support-wBrittany-Martinez/9838530873