Reducing Visitation?

[Laura2919]

Not as bad as the title looks really lol.

Anyway my girls got accepted for the two year funding until April and then in April they start school nursery so from next week the girls will be going to nursery however many hours a day per week.

FOB currently has the girls one day during the week and every other weekend. I want to stop midweek contact because of nursery, I've text his mum and asked if she could tell him that from next week midweek contact will stop and so far no reply.

I go today to agree terms and he hasn't bothered to contact us once to find out anything about it. Nothing, not even a text through his mum.

I've also deleted his dad and sister because I know they report back to him and I am sick of him knowing how his kids are through someone else.

Would he have a reason to take me to court if I stopped him? I don't want to go to court but I also don't want him having midweek contact.

 

[LTEx]

not sure how the courts determine things hun but surely it wouldnt get that far? Its not like your just stopping midweek contact out of spite you have a genuine reason. I should imagine courts wouldnt take any action but im not sure hun x

 

[xSophieBx]

Didn't u have to force him to have the girls midweek anyway?

I wouldn't of thought he'd have a reason to take you to court, as theres a genuine reason your stopping the contact.. the girls will have nursery.. The normal contact that dads ever get in court is weekends anyway(either every weekend or every other) which he still has.. so I don't see the problem & I doubt he'll take you to court anyway!

Off topic: What is the 2 year funding? Is that the 15 free hours for preschool? x

 

[teal]

I agree that I don't see you having to go to court because it's for a genuine reason xx

 

[Laura2919]

No he always had them midweek because he only works 4 out of 7 days but he used to have them the night before unless its Thursday because of football (another thing more important ) I haven't heard anything so maybe they wont call. He has girls tonight, their start day is 6th February so this is his last midweek contact with them.

Yeah, I was made redundant in October and the girls have been home since (were in private nursery) and they started to get a little bored at home so I applied and I got it. It's only until April because I had already applied for a school nursery placement last year.

 

[JA1988]

Actually there is something the courts can put into place where if either parent chooses to use childcare during their parenting time, the other parent has first refusal to have the children instead of them going to the nursery/childminder/babysitter etc. However if you have askee him and he hasn't replied then I guess it's fair game.

 

[Laura2919]

He said he still wants them I told him to bugger off. What seriously is the point for just an hour? just another thing to grate against me with.
Most of his days off are Thursdays which means he won't have them overnight Wednesday night so if his days fall on a Thursday he doesn't see them that week because I am not doing it to them just for an hour every Thursday. It will only confuse things even more. I know he deliberately gives me Thursdays so that he doesn't have to have them overnight so here's me throwing a little payback at him. I'm not messing around with the girls so that he can make his mum happy.

He doesn't really have a choice as court is out of the question, its money money money which he doesn't have cos he is too busy booking holidays and taking his gf out all the time.

 

[pinkie77]

Surely he knew the midweek visits would have to come to an end at some point? Or was he still expecting to have them when they are at school?

 

[LadyRoy]

I think you are selfish stopping contact with him - their dad is more important than nursery.

 

[10.11.12]

I don't know your story and I'm sorry if this comes across as rude but TBH if I was their dad I would be pretty upset at this. Did you ask him about nursery and all that? I think I'd be angry if someone put my child in daycare without telling me and then sent a text to my mom to tell me I didn't have my child during my time because of it.

 

[pinkie77]

But it's not daycare from what I understand, it's preschool which is different. Most children (ime) start preschool or nursery class at school at some point between 2 and 3. At 3 most are going 5 morning or afternoon sessions (again ime) ready for school admission the September after after they turn 4. It's normal, you're not doing it out of spite but because as they get older the situation changes.

I've got one who puts football first Hun, phoebes not had her birthday present from her dad yet cos he's skint but I know he's not missed a home match

 

[Laura2919]

I don't know your story and I'm sorry if this comes across as rude but TBH if I was their dad I would be pretty upset at this. Did you ask him about nursery and all that? I think I'd be angry if someone put my child in daycare without telling me and then sent a text to my mom to tell me I didn't have my child during my time because of it.

Yeah he knew about nursery. If you have seen any of my other posts you would understand this one better... And yes he gets told everything. What should I do stop them going to nursery? If he took me to court for the access they would laugh at him. He gets every other weekend and is only saying he wants them because his mum has asked him to

It's not a nursery that I pay for and I haven't done it out of spite. It's preschool it's given to children from the age of three. I just don't want them getting confused about whether or not I or their dad will pick them up. It's harder for me than it is for him.

 

[Laura2919]

But it's not daycare from what I understand, it's preschool which is different. Most children (ime) start preschool or nursery class at school at some point between 2 and 3. At 3 most are going 5 morning or afternoon sessions (again ime) ready for school admission the September after after they turn 4. It's normal, you're not doing it out of spite but because as they get older the situation changes.

I've got one who puts football first Hun, phoebes not had her birthday present from her dad yet cos he's skint but I know he's not missed a home match

Yeah it's preschool not daycare. I'm not paying for this. It's the 15 hours free nursery placement

Same!! FOB came here yesterday for the twins birthday with a birthday card ad a cheque Chloe just threw hers to the side. No effort made whatsoever.. Not even a little teddy bear wrapped up for them to open!!

 

[teal]

Happy birthday to your girls

Him only getting them a card & cheque speaks for itself doesn't it? xx

 

[Crumbsx]

Happy birthday to your girlies

Yeah, the cheque thing certainly lacked alot of thought :l children like to open presents, a cheque means nothing to them. However, in the long run the girls will realise what type of man he is and if he continues, they may want to cut all ties with him.

It seems they have a mum who does everything for them, to provide for them and puts alot of thought into making them happy.. Then they have a dad who just throws money at them for birthdays, it means nothing.

As for the nursery issue, I don't think your being unreasonable. Going to nursery really helps children learn and become more sociable, it's then an easier transition to primary school when the time comes. It brings nothing but positives IMO and I'll be taking my daughter to nursery too when she reaches that age. As for their dad, is there anyway that you could comprimise and let him have the girls for tea one day after nursery? I think that's pretty reasonable, as long as he makes it a regular thing, say every wednesday? You shouldn't stop your girls going to nursery because of that though he needs to realise things will change as the girls get older, and you just have to adapt the visitation according to what suits THEM, not what suits him.

 

[dustbunny]

Well for a start you are not selfish or being cruel. I think people should try and understand the situation before shouting their mouths off. Their education is way more important that some selfish ass who is only pushing to counter your reason merely to annoy you. He gets every other weekend which is more than most fathers get, more than most want to get. It is a very valid reason so please don't feel bad.

And a cheque?? Very original.

...man hate over.

 

[Mammy2Joojx]

i dont think you're being selfish at all hun i'd be exactly the same x

 

[Laura2919]

Thanks. I feel ok knowing that I am doing it for their benefit not to pee him off.
Crumbs, his day changes every week and that's the problem there is nothing concrete do it would be like a Tuesday one week a Thursday next, Monday the week after then another Tuesday if it was a set day each week they would get into a routine but they don't and it confuses them. It's ok when they are coming back to me but when he starts dropping them off or picking them up I don't want them to wonder where they are going here and there

 

[Crumbsx]

If he iant even consistent, he's got no right to be demanding things.

If I were you, I'd get something drawn up with dates and times he's having them, none of this rubbish where he takes them as and when he pleases. It's wrong, you shouldn't have to live your life around his plans and your LOs shouldn't have to be so confused about there dad. They need stability and need to be able to say 'I see my dad every Wednesday after nursery' (for example) and know he will always be waiting for them that day when they finish nursery like they know you will always be there for them too.

 

[Laura2919]

Well little update. Sorry haven't really been on much.

His mum asked why he couldn't have them during the week and I explained. There isn't really much she can say to that. He don't care cos it means he gets more time with his girlfriend which is ultimately win win for him. I'm ok with him only having contact every other weekend. He dropped the twins back on Sunday and Jaycee was ill it's now Wednesday and we haven't heard from him. Instead his mum phones to ask how they are. I'm going to start ignoring her call so that he can call. I don't see why he should hear how they are through his mum...