relax, it will happen.....

[Jasmine79]

so I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday, and she was like "so why havent you guys had a baby yet" and I said "we have been trying but it hasnt happened yet" and she said "the problem is that you are probably stressing about it too much, just relax, take it easy and it will happen when you least expect it". I said "good bye have a good day"
I mean its been more than two years of ttc-ing, if the relax moto actually works, shouldnt it have worked by now, just because she suceeded in the first month of trying, does it mean that she should be insensitive about the fact that some of us just dont have it that easy?

 

[MrsR32]

The world of TTC (especially LTTTC) is full of insensitive people who have no idea what effect their flippant remarks have. My best friend fell pg in her 3rd month of TTC and is constantly telling me that she knows how I feel (TTC for 15 months) because her 3 months felt like a lifetime!

 

[silarose28]

Hi Jasmine

Hope you don't mind me joining you but I have lost count at the number of people that have said this to me and I know how hurtful and frustrating it is!!!It is really difficult for others to understand how upsetting these words can be. I think I used to say things like that before I started trying!!

A friend of mine (who also got pregnant first time) recently told me with great conviction that I shouldn't be timing sex - 'Don't have sex like that!' (at certain times of the month). I understand she was trying to be helpful but I found myself saying goodbye as I just felt so upset.

Hope you get some good luck soon xxxxx

 

[peekaboo]

I think just about everyone who knows we are TTC has said this to me. I think its kind of a standard response when they don't know what else to say. The other one is when we're sat with people with babies/ kids, someone always says 'it will be you next'. That one annoys me even more. If it worked like that then we'd have had a baby a long time ago: I always think it should be us 'next' then someone else comes along and jumps the queue.

xx

 

[silarose28]

I agree Peekaboo. x

 

[brumbar]

I agree...stress probably makes things worse but this is the worse advice someone can give if you have been TTC for ages....I just tell them straight ( with a smile) when they ask "We've been TTC for a long time and please don't tell me to "relax" just because you don't know what else you can say...."
.....well, let's relax now...

 

[Diana_]

If only "relaxing" solved the problem! I've heard the same things. I usually ignore it and make a mental note not to bring up the topic with that person again.

 

[Farie]

I think just about everyone who knows we are TTC has said this to me. I think its kind of a standard response when they don't know what else to say. The other one is when we're sat with people with babies/ kids, someone always says 'it will be you next'. That one annoys me even more. If it worked like that then we'd have had a baby a long time ago: I always think it should be us 'next' then someone else comes along and jumps the queue.

xx

Couldn't have put it better myself!

 

[Puddleduck]

I am sick and tired of 'oh just relax and it will happen' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGGGGGGGGGG NO NO IT WONT HAPPEN !

I think unless you are a LTTC'er they cant understand what we are going through. If it was simply the case of relaxing then we would all be lying on our backs all day and pregnant the next. We wish hey ?

It's so very insensitive of people. Friends still say it to me now knowing I had a mmc in June. I just want to scream at them.

Sorry rant over.... Oh and I chilled this month and tried not to think about it and guess what arrive this morning 3 days early !!! I honestly give up.

 

[chefamy1122]

gotta love the ole "Relax and it will happen" comments..
Really??? Is that how it works? Wow so if I relax, my body will automatically start working on its own for the first time EVER without the help of drugs, and my super high acidic level in my body will go away and my cervical fluid won't kill Greg's sperm??? Well gosh I wish I would have thought of that 3 years ago!!

Okay sorry rant over.

In case you could not tell, I get that comment a lot too!! Lol

 

[Lil C]

So glad for this post. Was just about to ask something along these lines on how i speak to my OH's cousin about it. They've been LTTTC for at least 6years and nothings working for them. We're going to see them soon and was wondering what i should or shouldn't be saying. Now, along with us, her brother and his wife are expecting and i know it's making her more depressed. I only had a slight panic while TTC that it may not happen so i only know a small bit about what she must be going through. I do get a 'feeling' it'll work out for them but obviously i can't say that to them! I think i'll just listen.
Wishing all you ladies all the luck in the world xxxx

 

[Sambatiki]

Relax..........

 

[BigFoot1980]

Relax..........

Thats exactly how I feel about it. But its so hard to ignore isn't it. My friend was NTNP for four months and the advice she gives me is when AF dates are near just forget the dates. She said that's how she conceived, she said the first three months she was worried about her dates and according to her wasn't because she was in a hurry to get pregnant but because she was afraid she might have a visit from the witch at an inconvenient time. The fourth month she just stopped worrying about it and BOOM! she got pregnant.

It made me just so sad that I was in a really bad mood all day and ended up eating lots of chocolate

I agree its just people trying to be helpful but I wish they would stop trying and just let me forget it once in a while.

 

[reallyready]

I've heard it too though since my sister had a hard time conceiving and I'd watched her go through what we are all going through I didn't tell a lot of people that we are trying.

Just recently I spoke with my Mom about what we are going through and was candid (and crying) about the unexplained infertility world.

I'm sure my Mom does not know what to say. She got pg very young and had all her babies by her mid 20s. However, I still am stunned. She said, "I'll love you no matter what happens"

I didn't think that was part of the equation? You mean there is a chance a mother won't love her daughter for not making a grandbaby? To me it was such a weird thing for her to say. Maybe I'm just hyper moody from everything.

It's enough to worry about DH! ACK!

 

[Blue12]

Really ready - I would be really angry if my mom said that. I don't think that what she said was valid at all. When I first told my parents (because the one person that i told leaked it to them- anyway) they said stuff that was just terrible. It seems though that the more time that passes and the more "explainations" that I give them the better they are becoming.

Try to explain the pain to her - someone once described infertility to me as being comparable or worse than losing a loved one. It is like you grieve the loss of a person, and usually it gets better over time, but with infertlility you can never "move on" because each month there is renewed hope that you might be pregnant - imagine someone trying to cope with the loss of a loved one if there was a possibility that they might see them one more time each month?!????!?!??!?!?!?

Telling my parents things like this helped put it in perspective for them. Hope things improve for you.

Best wishes.

 

[urchin]

Thing is, I think I am relatively relaxed about it. I am doing what I can to get pregnant (CBFM and about to start IVF) but I don't think I'm actually strssed and anxious about ?

I want this desperately, I am trying my damnedest, but I'm not gnawing my fingernails up to the elbows, or fretting and stressing myself silly.

And guess what? I'm NOT pregnant ..... I think telling people to relax and it'll happen is just a pile of horse-shite

My personal anti-favourite is 'it happened to me, it'll happen to you'

You know that do you? You are blessed with the ability to see into the future? No?
Because not all women get there, and I may well be one of them, so spare me your platitudes

Ahhhhhh ....... feel better for that

 

[JASMAK]

Oh if only I could have a dollar for each time that I have heard that one! Yeah, right. You know...women in Nazi camps got pregnant (so that rules out the whole stress factor right there) and trust me...I have had months were I have been so relaxed (vacations etc) and not a darn thing. People just want to add their two cents like they are some freaking expert. I wish it was OK to tell those who say this to just eff off. All they do by saying this famous phrase is minimize what we are going through.

 

[urchin]

It also makes it somehow our fault JASMAK .... if we could learn to relax more, and not stress our silly little heads so much, it would just happen. Soooo, nothing to do with the vast array of medical matters we are battling, or just plain old effin bad luck - nope, it's because we can't relax, and if we'd just do that one little thing for ourselves, we'd get pregnant just like that

 

[BizyBee]

That comment is right up there with "it'll happen when you're ready"... What does that mean?!? We've been together for 11 years, been through college, have stable jobs, a new house with 2 extra bedrooms. I think I'm ready!

 

[Sambatiki]

Dont people get that if there are fertility issues that relaxing is NOT going to make it happen.... if there are no eggs or sperm is damaged.... is relaxing REALLY going to make baby???