resentment of step-child

[Maybe1daysoon]

your siggy says that your dh is in the army.... I hope people from other countries dont think this is how army men (usually) conduct themselve i come from a military family and my uncles would be so embaressed.

do not insult my husband. He is defending your freedom in a war zone. If you really want to piss me off, continue talking crap about my husband. He risks his life everyday so you can enjoy yours.

a man who doesnt take resposibility/connection/spend time with his children is insultable in my book. i dont care if he is president Obama. wrong is wrong.

 

[ssuchianlo]

Let's all just calm down...we don't know the whole situation between OH and his ex...and it sounds like he may not be sure the little girl is his. It would be hard to put all your love into a child to find out she's not yours. He may be trying to protect his emotions. I know the first post by Painted Pony sounded horrible, but she's since then put things in a little more perspective and tried to explain herself. That first post was emotionally charged and probably had a lot more harshness than was intended. And if it's true that OH's ex isn't consistent about letting him have contact, that's another reason to pull back. Another post said we need to calm down and try to give some constructive criticism...I agree...we need to be caring ourselves and give honest advice...no more attackinng Painted Pony. We don't know the whole situation...

 

[Wantingbbbump]

All I can say is WOW!!! If you choose to be with a man with a child then you choose to love that child like it's your own!! Do you have any idea how many times I have been hit/kicked exc in my belly by all of my kids during my pregnancies? This is plain and simple BS!! I have read every post that Painted pony has posted and she has back tracked and is now trying to paint a pretty pic of whats going on!! I feel bad for that little girl. If you stand by a man that will turn his back on his blood then that doesn't say much about you as a person. I hope that he doesn't do this to you and that his next wife doesn't hate your child. I have been a step child (and we do feel the hate) and have had step children I love my step kids as my own even though I am not with their dads anymore. Shame on you for having such hate for a baby (7 years old is a baby still) I have nothing more to say about you or your dh because you both make me sick and you my dear give women a bad name!!! So nice you dh will fight for freedom but not his own blood. What a dead beat!!!

 

[Wantingbbbump]

Oh and another thing you say that she has this great room full of toys and gets love while she is there but you never have her over unless she is pushed on you by dh's mom, this seems like a lie to me!! Why have a room for a child that's never there??? Keep trying to paint a pretty pic now so maybe you wont feel like the monster you are!

Maybe1daysoon~ I agree 100% with you!!

 

[SAJ]

Ok so my OH has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. I get on with him fine but since being pregnant I feel like I resent him being here (he stays at w/e). I wish my baby was my partner's 1st child, it feels like this isn't as special for him as it is for me.
Can anyone else relate to this? I feel like a cow but I can't help how I'm feeling.

I often wonder if my DH feels this way, as I have a 9 year old. I hope he realizes I'm as excited with this one because it's our first baby together. I have yet to bring up the topic to see what he thinks, but it will be sooner than later.

 

[Jaylynne]

Ok seriously ladies, beating her up more won't help anything other then her running away or getting even more defensive. Do I think she backtracked? Hell yeah but maybe it's because she feels terrible now.
She needs to have encouragement to build a relationship or at the very least undo damage done to a little girls psyche. She's not going to open up and be receptive to change if we are constantly calling her a monster.
I think the situation her stepdaughter in is horrible. From what I know the dad is responsible for a lot of the damage but he isn't on here to explain or defend or change so attacking someone who can't see or hear this isnt going to be effective.
Maybe if painted pony makes efforts the dad will too. I understand emotions and hormones are high, but still not an excuse to be rude or mean to each other on this forum and to a unwanted or unconnected kid even if unintentional.

 

[painted_pony]

I did not back track and will not continue to explain myself to you. All I did was take into account what others have said as far as positive critism goes.

Maybe1daysoon, wantingbbbump, & to all of you other ungrateful women. Hopefully my man knows there's better people out there in the world that be is risking his life for other than you scumbags. You are not worth any soldiers life and you are not worth any more of my time.

 

[Maybe1daysoon]

lol, wow "scumbag". you need to (just like me) pray for your situation.

 

[Wantingbbbump]

I did not back track and will not continue to explain myself to you. All I did was take into account what others have said as far as positive critism goes.

Maybe1daysoon, wantingbbbump, & to all of you other ungrateful women. Hopefully my man knows there's better people out there in the world that be is risking his life for other than you scumbags. You are not worth any soldiers life and you are not worth any more of my time.

Let me tell you my family is a VERY long line of military!!! My daughters dad is in the US army so don't pull your crap talk with me!!! You stand behind a man that turns his back on his daughter but yet you hide behind the fact that he is fighting for my freedom..PLEASE Maybe you need a lesson in life and for you to call me a scumbag after the way you have made you and your Dh look makes me LMAO!! At least the military men in my family takes care of their kids and would NEVER turn their backs on their own BLOOD. Can you say that about you and your army man? If his ex turned you and your Dh in for the way you two act he would be in trouble. Maybe you should do your homework and learn that the military is all about family and supporting your own. Don't get me started because you will lose this fight. Oh and by the way my grandpa is dead from fighting for your freedom, so you could come on here and rant about how you hate your step daughter and how your dh doesn't want anything to do with his own child Don't you EVER call me ungrateful for the men and women fighting in the military. You have insulted my family and YES my dear your dh gives military men a bad name..like it or not!!!

 

[Jaylynne]

Ok ENOUGH!!!!

This thread got hijacked from red rose and is probably going to get locked which is totally unfair to the OP. The OP had a legitimate concern about her feelings toward her stepchild and this has gotten way out of hand with the last scumbag name calling.

I'm biting my tongue on the whole ungrateful comment and not being worth a soldiers life after I've dated a green beret who's now one of my best friends. My whole family is military as well with many wounded due to it. It's not worth the fight anymore on this thread as I def don't need higher blood pressure and the OP deserves her thread to be responded to as it was meant to.

 

[painted_pony]

Thank god we don't have such ungrateful low women on Iceland as people like u wantingbbbump. I do not stand behind my husbands military service, I stand behind him in every choice he has ever made. I stand behind him in everything from diverting his pregnant ex wife to not developing a relationship with his child on his own terms. People who serve from here are not nearly as self absorbed as MOST of u American women. Do yourself a favor, and just start worrying about your own problems.

 

[Maybe1daysoon]

no we are not grateful for dead beats and their witchy wives, they are poison to the global society. and do you know what "self absorbed" means? to me it means only thinking of yourself despite the needs of a child. i think deep down you know that because you would NOT like to be in the same situation as his ex in 7.5 years (raising a child without a father). but honestly you are just making me giggle now. hopefully you are just young or havent had many life experiences.

 

[Wantingbbbump]

Whatever you say...LMAO You are nothing to me and nothing but a blip in time, your right I am over women like you!! You are a worthless person..lol Thank GOD I don't live where you do because us US women would never stand by a man like you have. Be proud of a man that has nothing to do with his blood unless it's forced. I am not worried about YOU I am worried about that sweet 7 y/o girl that has to deal with you. Here is the US we have true pride in men that do the right thing.

 

[Jaylynne]

Ok my gloves are coming off. I tried playing nicely but you refuse to be reasonable.

Ungrateful American women? How freaking ironic coming from a girl who stands behind a spineless coward who would rather ignore or run away from a 7 yr old because her mommy divorced him. I don't care if he's in the army. He could be a janitor for all I care. He and you don't have the emotional capacity to be grateful for a little girl who just wants to be loved.

What happened to honor and integrity. You both have none.

 

[Wantingbbbump]

no we are not grateful for dead beats and their witchy wives, they are poison to the global society. and do you know what "self absorbed" means? to me it means only thinking of youself despite the need of a child. i think deep down you know that because you would NOT like to be in the same situation as his ex in 7.5 years (raising a child without a father). but honestly you are just making me giggle now. hopefully you are just young or havent had many life experiences.

I agree!!!

 

[Wantingbbbump]

Ok so my OH has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship. I get on with him fine but since being pregnant I feel like I resent him being here (he stays at w/e). I wish my baby was my partner's 1st child, it feels like this isn't as special for him as it is for me.
Can anyone else relate to this? I feel like a cow but I can't help how I'm feeling.

First I have to say sorry for the crap that I was a part of but I just couldn't help it.

Now as for your post. I understand how you feel to a point. I didn't so much resent the child but I did resent the fact that I felt like my pregnancy was nothing new and special. It is new and special even when one has a child because each pregnancy and baby isn't the same. It is your Dh's first time with you and that is special, I am sure he feels that way too. My step son was 9 when I got pregnant with my daughter and I had him help name her and it was a neat thing for our family. It also made him and Dh so happy. Now my daughter is almost 13 and she loves the fact that her brother gave her her name. It was a cool name too..Kiara. I would of never thought of that name myself. It will get better and it will all work out in the end. I would talk to your dh and tell him how your feeling so you can hear from him that your pregnancy and baby is just as special as his son. I'm sure it's just your pregnancy hormones because I know that mine messed with my head a little. I hope that this gets better for you!!!

 

[ssuchianlo]

Well now everyone seems to just be attacking each other. That's not fair to anyone, nor constructive to anything. And to play devil's advocate, being an American woman, we are not all perfect here. I know plenty of women here who stand by a dead beat man. It's pretty common actually. I also know military men who are complete scumbags, but the military will put those men in check if they are alerted to their behavior. A friend of mine's ex was thrown in military jail because he wasn't supporting her or their child. But let's be real, as in every group of people, the majority will be good, but there will always be bad seeds. It's a fact of life unfortunately.

Even if Painted Pony has backtracked on her words...it's because she was able to see what others were saying, and she's admitted that, she's also said that her emotions have been quite erratic. Who cares if she backtracks, if she starts to see things the right way. We should be only encouraging that. People are allowed to mess up and learn from their behavior and actions. I personally think it's reprehensible for a parent to not take responsibility for their child, but again, we don't know the whole story. Also, if Painted Pony does start taking more interest in the girl, then OH will probably come around too. We should be supporting and encouraging this instead of attacking her. I'm not a Christian, but there are tenets I follow...like learning forgiveness, and helping others. And maybe I'm mistaken, but I thought the military promotes Christian values.

I know all of us have strong emotions about this topic, but we really need to step back, breathe, and come back being more civil. Otherwise there's no point in replying...attacking is never productive!

 

[SamanthaYC]

I'll pray for Paintedpony's situation because she certainly needs it. If she backtracks on her story, calls people scumbags, criticizes other people's nationalities ,and said she hates her stepdaughter, there is more going on than just being "emotionally charged from being pregnant". That's character. I pray that she doesn't have a similar situation down the line in case it doesn't work out between her and her husband. What goes around comes around.

 

[ssuchianlo]

I'll pray for Paintedpony's situation because she certainly needs it. If she backtracks on her story, calls people scumbags, criticizes other people's nationalities ,and said she hates her stepdaughter, there is more going on than just being "emotionally charged from being pregnant". That's character. I pray that she doesn't have a similar situation down the line in case it doesn't work out between her and her husband. What goes around comes around.

Well I think the "hating" stepdaughter was the emotionally charged thing. And she didn't start name calling until she really felt attacked by someone else calling her and OH names, and questioning his integrity and being in the military. Then everyone started name calling and getting heated. All who were involved in that are wrong. It's easy to start namecalling and really getting heated when you feel attacked. Not that's it's the right way, but I think it's human nature. Apologies are in order from all sides. I've sent her pm apologizing and letting her know she can talk if she wants.

 

[SamanthaYC]

I'll pray for Paintedpony's situation because she certainly needs it. If she backtracks on her story, calls people scumbags, criticizes other people's nationalities ,and said she hates her stepdaughter, there is more going on than just being "emotionally charged from being pregnant". That's character. I pray that she doesn't have a similar situation down the line in case it doesn't work out between her and her husband. What goes around comes around.

Well I think the "hating" stepdaughter was the emotionally charged thing. And she didn't start name calling until she really felt attacked by someone else calling her and OH names, and questioning his integrity and being in the military. Then everyone started name calling and getting heated. All who were involved in that are wrong. It's easy to start namecalling and really getting heated when you feel attacked. Not that's it's the right way, but I think it's human nature. Apologies are in order from all sides. I've sent her pm apologizing and letting her know she can talk if she wants.

I somewhat agree. There was no need for the attack her husband's integrity, I can understand why someone would be heated about that. But I still think it's inexcusable to insult someone else based on where they are from. Not cool. That goes to everybody. We are all the same on the inside.