Responsibilities 14-8 years old

[mommy2lilmen]

Hi..Im not new here and I dont post here often..
I hve 6 kids, 4 of which are over the age of 9 years old and I am fighting with them to get anything done. It seems my 10 year old UNDERSTANDS and HELPS but the other 3, its a fight. I get told, YOU SHOULD DO IT MOM. We go to school, We are tired, Your home all day. ... I am shocked. I know my DH does NOT tell them that, perhaps their dad does? Which wouldnt surprise me, he feels he doesnt have to be a dad or bother visiting with them when he dont feel like it cus I dont work. MAKES SO SENSE. My ex also doesnt make the kids do anything as he feels its my job to do when they come back home. He sees them a total of 48 hrs a month. His current girlfriend does nothing to, her mom goes over and cleans. I just dont get it. Am I a crazy?They arent my DH kids, the older 4. Also my 10,9 and 8 year old share a room..I dont give them much. Here is a list of what they are ALL to do on a daily basis

I do all the dusting, I do the dishes BY HAND, I cook, I sweep my floors (entire house is hardwood floors) I wash the floors (by hand) I vacuum stairs, I wash the tub (daily) I wash down the counters, the microwave, the fridge, I make and change my own bed, I make and change the babies bed, I vacuum the couch, I do alot more than this, ..I am an OCD freak..perhaps my kids are under impression I should do it since I enjoy it??

DAILY ALL FOUR
Make beds
tidy bedroom floor and dressers
Put dirty laundry in basket
Put clean clothes away (I wash and fold them)
Do homework
Empty lunch kits and notices out of school bag
make sure coats and shoes are on the rack and hooks

My 10 year old has
Feed the cat (daily)
Wash the toilet (Mondays)
Put CLEAN cutlery and bowls away (daily)
Empty garbage cans in house to outside can (Wednesdays)

My 9 year old has
Feed the dogs
Windex the coffee table (Fridays)
Put CLEAN tupper ware away (daily)
Bring Recycling boxes and bags in (Thursdays)

My 8 year old has
Bryce garbage can down to driveway (thursdays)
Water the house plants (Tuesdays)
Clean up game systems (daily)
Clean toilet (Wednesdays)

My 14 year old has
HIS OWN ROOM
Garbage and Recycling to be taken out (wednesday nights)
(I will be adding in other things since now school and sports are done)

I barely gave my 14 year old things to do, as he is in highschool and had a sport program he was involved in, so I granted him time to focus on all of that instead of household duties.
Now he says I OWE him money each week? How, I do not owe him money, I dont feel I should pay him since school is done his sports are done...pay him to do nothing now?
I say well y ou will need to earn it and hes ays well your home all day you should do it? Hmmmmm.

Am I giving them to much to do? You notice they dont get much to do on friday to sundays, .....just their rooms mainly. and I have to pay them, or be spoken to this way.
GRRR

What do you guys make your kids do and certain ages, please?
I am a SAHM mom to 6 boys, and 2 under age of 20 months, just so you know. My Dh helps out alot around the house, so dont get me wrong. Altho i tell him to go in the yard or shopping most of the times cus I want that cleaned up to and done lol.

 

[Amarna]

No way are you asking them to do too much. I'm sorry and don't mean to offend but their attitudes are entirely disrespectful. Not only do you have to clean the entire house all day but you also have to take care of all six children. That by itself is no easy task. The things you are asking them to do are very simple and shouldn't take more than a few minutes of their time. My daughter is a little young to have chores to do on her own just yet other than put her toys away but I'm training her early. When the time comes she'll be responsible for things such as doing the dishes (We have a dishwasher though so it's much easier than by hand.) or taking out the garbage in addition to keeping her room tidy. She already helps with feeding the cats.

When I was a kid I had to do more than you are asking of them, I had to do laundry (wash, fold, put away) twice a week, do dishes twice a week, clean my room, feed the cats, help with my baby sister, dust weekly and by the time I was 14 I was cooking meals for my family (that was mostly because I enjoyed it though, I wasn't asked to). And all for no pay whatsoever.

I wouldn't pay them a cent, at least until attitudes improve, I understand that parents sometimes do the allowance thing if kids keep grades up and do things they are asked to around the house, I'll probably do a small allowance when my daughter is older, but that will be small, maybe $10 a week until she gets to be high school age, I may raise it then. But they should only get that if they do as asked and do it without constant reminding and complaining. It may take them awhile to get the message but eventually it will sink in. I think you have to be really firm. I'd also try and get your DH to back you up if he can, they may not be his kids by blood but they are under his roof, it sounds like he provides for them at least in part and they should respect the rules of the house. The sooner you nip this in the bud the better.

 

[mommy2lilmen]

No way are you asking them to do too much. I'm sorry and don't mean to offend but their attitudes are entirely disrespectful. Not only do you have to clean the entire house all day but you also have to take care of all six children. That by itself is no easy task. The things you are asking them to do are very simple and shouldn't take more than a few minutes of their time. My daughter is a little young to have chores to do on her own just yet other than put her toys away but I'm training her early. When the time comes she'll be responsible for things such as doing the dishes (We have a dishwasher though so it's much easier than by hand.) or taking out the garbage in addition to keeping her room tidy. She already helps with feeding the cats.

When I was a kid I had to do more than you are asking of them, I had to do laundry (wash, fold, put away) twice a week, do dishes twice a week, clean my room, feed the cats, help with my baby sister, dust weekly and by the time I was 14 I was cooking meals for my family (that was mostly because I enjoyed it though, I wasn't asked to). And all for no pay whatsoever.

I wouldn't pay them a cent, at least until attitudes improve, I understand that parents sometimes do the allowance thing if kids keep grades up and do things they are asked to around the house, I'll probably do a small allowance when my daughter is older, but that will be small, maybe $10 a week until she gets to be high school age, I may raise it then. But they should only get that if they do as asked and do it without constant reminding and complaining. It may take them awhile to get the message but eventually it will sink in. I think you have to be really firm. I'd also try and get your DH to back you up if he can, they may not be his kids by blood but they are under his roof, it sounds like he provides for them at least in part and they should respect the rules of the house. The sooner you nip this in the bud the better.

hi there
Thank you for replying
I am dead serious this is all they get. To do. I DID have my oldest putting laundry in the dryer and bringing it upstairs for me to fold. but as I mentioned he would have to much homework and he would slack off, so I told him to focus on school, nwo that school is done I get the, Wheres my money, You should do it attitude. Ugh. I want to give my other kids more chores to do, but honestly because of my OCD I tend to do it befor they get home from school cus thats what I am used to doing. I dont know how to back off. I am glad that you see it isnt much that I am giving them. My DH has alot of stuff he does around here and at times I am so emotional and take out frustration adn tell him he does nothing. He does stick up for me and back me up and tell them their attitude isnt acceptable and all I get from them is, Stu is yelling mom. Well geeze, its just yelling. To me its just yelling I THINk now that summer is here for them and no school till September that I will give more chores. I dont know if I could do the laundry tho, to give them that probably not. BUT I think I WILL make them dust. I will make them wash the dishes to. I just dont know why I should pay them. ?? Do they pay me? I feel bad saying that but its true. Why demand money now when I never paid them befor. Why should I reward a responsibility like housework. I dont feel I should employ my kids. But if I have to, then I will give them an allowance IF I DONT have to ask them to do it. I have it written on teh fridge twice what I expect. Do you think washing the toilet, isnt a guys job? I feel since I dont use that bathroom that they should be the one cleaning it. The rest of the house I keep in order. My movies all 700+ of them are in alphabetical order. My tupperware is all in order by size and container. My cupboards and closets. Ugh lol they dare not mess that up or I go off on them. I hate to blame their dad but thats the reason why I am not with him. I had a schedule back then, I had to do everything cus he worked. EVEN WHEN I WORKED FOR 5 years with the kids..being in daycare etc. He still takes on that attiude right now i call him to see if he will take the kids on his weekend, I take th e shot of yes or no. If he finds out I sleep in on weekends he has them, I get the 3rd degree from my boys. I am so upset with that, and totally off topic...I mainly wanted to ask if I am asking to much of them. I guess I am not, now that I read what I wrote and what i do. Its an emabarrassment how they are. I am trying to raise 6 well trained boys, but it seems...it may backfire?? Ugh I hate summer break, I hope it goes by fast and peaceful. I just had a talk with the boys and told them, they have these expectations, if they dont meet up to it, I cant open my wallet to them. Lets see if it works. Thanks again, for replying.
Do you think $30 a week for a teen is to much for how little he is doing right now?
Do you think $10 a week be good for the other boys?
Thats IF they do their things without me asking

 

[Amarna]

I understand about not wanting to pay them, it should be something they do because it's the right way to act and behave, not because they expect cash. The only reason I'll be doing an allowance thing is to: A. Teach my daughter to work for and earn her spending money and B. So she can learn to save and manage money responsibly on a regular basis. If she was getting an allowance she wouldn't be getting extra for spending except for on a special occasion. I would require that she put a portion of it away in savings.

I don't know what to say about the boys' father. That's really frustrating that he would talk about you like that, it's uncalled for for sure and does nothing to help things if nothing else. I don't know how I would deal with that.

I don't think you are asking too much of them at all. I think $10 per week is plenty for the younger ones. For the oldest personally I'd expect more of him for $30 per week at least during the summer and on school breaks but really it's up to you and what you think if fair. Good luck with all this!

 

[Devi_a]

Okay, I'm from a completely different generation (I'm 31), but when I was growing up, I was almost never given an allowance. I had chores to do to help my parents (usually dishes, folding my own clothing, keeping my room clean, and vacuuming once in a while) and I didn't get paid for them. If I wanted to buy something, I had to ask for the money. They were pretty reasonable, so it wasn't a hardship or anything, but their reasoning was that they'd worked for the money, I didn't, so I wasn't entitled to anything above and beyond what was necessary. Now, I was raised upper middle-class, so "necessary" was pretty nice, still, my parents worked their tails off to get where they were, and they expected me to as well.

Your kids sound pretty entitled. I'd tell them that there is no requirement for you to give them money for helping you keep a pleasant household. If they complain further, take away privileges (going to see a movie, video games, computer time, etc.) if they don't do their chores. You're giving them between 30 minutes to an hour of chores a day. This is not excessive at all, even during the school year. You're letting your kids manipulate you...and you do too much to be manipulated like that.

Honestly, I'd call a family meeting and tell everyone that all allowances are cut off until their attitudes and chore responsibilities improve for a set period of time. (Probably a month or so.) The kids who do better get allowances back, the ones who don't, don't. Advise them if there's backsliding, that the whole thing starts all over again. You do need to talk to your ex, though. He might be trying to make your life more difficult and have the kids look at him as the "good" parent.

And honestly? Putting clothing in the dryer and taking it upstairs takes about ten minutes....it's not going to hurt homework/lessons in anyway. Stand up for yourself! You deserve respect!!

 

[Devi_a]

Also, $30 a week???? Waaaayyyyy too much. What does a child need $120 a month for? I'd cut it down to $10 - $15 a week, unless he's buying his lunch out of it. (Yup, I'd skip or cut down on lunch so I'd have spending money. My mother did the same thing.) It'll teach him to save up for things he really wants instead of impulse spending. Younger kids get $5 - $10 a week. This is still my humble opinion.

 

[sarah0108]

:wave: I'm 18, and when we were growing up, our parents couldnt really afford to give us pocket money, we had to do jobs morning and night e.g
Take bins out before school, make beds sometimes take the dog out
Then after school we'd have to empty the dishwasher, set the table, clear up after dinner.
We also used to have to help at weekends doing spring cleans of the house, hoover when we were asked to etc etc.

It was just the norm we werent badly treated or anything we just had to help our parents out (there was 4 of us kids, though 2 were only toddlers when i lived there) The punishment for us was, we either did our jobs or we couldnt go out, or go on our computers etc xx

 

[mommy2lilmen]

ya my oldest wants $30 a week, and even then it works out to about 120-150/m thats ON TOP of his food that I pay for here. I dont give lunch money for school. I make the lunches here. Either he comes home for lunch or takes one with him. I honestly think $30 is to much myself and I did NOT fall into his intimidation trip.
I just dont understand why they think I am giving them to much. Reading your girls stuff, WOW I am not making them do much at all. Eventho I feel guilty as heck even giving them anything as it is. I always start early with helping out. My 5th son is 20 months old. HE puts his own diapers in the trash. I have never TAUGHT him, he seen. He puts his own cups and bowls and etc away in the sink when done. Helpign with his toys is another story. HE LOVES to help BUT as hes finished helping it gets dumped faster than I can commend him for doing it LOL Go figure.
I just dont understand why my kids are asking for money now when I never gave them an allowance, been 2+ years now that I have stopped it.
I DO KNOW they get told by theri dad that the support payments he gives me is to go to them BUT I dont feel that way. The court system here grants the mother support payments and she has to make sure it goes to housing, clothing and what not. My kids are so influenced that its there. $2150/m theres to do whatever? I dont think so. My ex doesnt even pay me that anyways, half that and even then he isnt on time always makes me wait. So no, I wont pay my kids.
If I talk to my ex on the way the kids are, he wont care. He will say, they live with you dont complain to me. Hmmmm Ugh...useless.
Anyways, I went off topic here

 

[mommy2lilmen]

I by far do not treat my kids badly. I feel I should expect this out of them since they are required a certain way to behave at school why not at home to. It will help me to teach the little ones to. I think. I do know my toddler feeds off their attitudes and it is eitehr good or bad.

I am so glad I have you girls on my side, saying no way to pay, and if to pay for certaint hings etc.

 

[almostXmagic]

well im not a parent yet so all i can really speak for is my own experience growing up. we got weekly allowance as kids. $5 a week. but once we hit highschool if we wanted extra spending money we were expected to get jobs. my brother is 14 now and when he wants spending money he goes and cuts peoples grass for them. he also washes cars for people and pet sits when someone goes out of town. we have chores we are expected to do. my mom says that "as members of a family we are expected to work with each other, not for each other. you dont get paid to be part of a family, especially when you are old enough to have a part time job." in fact if you ask my dad if his kids get allowance he would say "they sure do, they are allowed to sleep in my house, they are allowed to eat my food, they are allowed to use my water and electricity and best of all, they are allowed to watch my T.V."

 

[mommy2lilmen]

well im not a parent yet so all i can really speak for is my own experience growing up. we got weekly allowance as kids. $5 a week. but once we hit highschool if we wanted extra spending money we were expected to get jobs. my brother is 14 now and when he wants spending money he goes and cuts peoples grass for them. he also washes cars for people and pet sits when someone goes out of town. we have chores we are expected to do. my mom says that "as members of a family we are expected to work with each other, not for each other. you dont get paid to be part of a family, especially when you are old enough to have a part time job." in fact if you ask my dad if his kids get allowance he would say "they sure do, they are allowed to sleep in my house, they are allowed to eat my food, they are allowed to use my water and electricity and best of all, they are allowed to watch my T.V."

LOL Your dad

 

[mommy43]

my kids earn their pocket money i have 6 kids too
they do jobs like
putting rubbish out
wash up
sweep
fold washing
clear table
hoover
clean bathroom
i refuse to pay them to tidy their own room, but they must still do it n usually i let them choose which job they want to do n they earn a £1 a day if they help out without being asked but they loose part of it if they are rude ect or their room is not done
so they can earn £7 a week depending on wether they choose to help n have done their rooms n been polite hth

 

[mommy2lilmen]

my kids earn their pocket money i have 6 kids too
they do jobs like
putting rubbish out
wash up
sweep
fold washing
clear table
hoover
clean bathroom
i refuse to pay them to tidy their own room, but they must still do it n usually i let them choose which job they want to do n they earn a £1 a day if they help out without being asked but they loose part of it if they are rude ect or their room is not done
so they can earn £7 a week depending on wether they choose to help n have done their rooms n been polite hth

I might revert back to the daily$ 1 earning. I did that before but they just didn't. Its my kids attitude with saying its to much what I gave them. If I compare all what they do in a week it s less than what I do daily.

 

[mommy2lilmen]

my kids earn their pocket money i have 6 kids too
they do jobs like
putting rubbish out
wash up
sweep
fold washing
clear table
hoover
clean bathroom
i refuse to pay them to tidy their own room, but they must still do it n usually i let them choose which job they want to do n they earn a £1 a day if they help out without being asked but they loose part of it if they are rude ect or their room is not done
so they can earn £7 a week depending on wether they choose to help n have done their rooms n been polite hth

How old are your kids?

 

[mommy43]

they are 14, 12 & 8 so similar age to yours

(i also have a a 16yr old 17yr old & 1 yr old but it dosent apply to them so much the older 2 are colledge/working but they do still help out n baby too small)

i think it teaches them they work to earn a good lesson for life
we have an understanding in this house everyone lives her n pitches in they help make the mess so they help tidy it

 

[mommy43]

also mine can earn extra if i have a one off job (like clean out shed) ect that needs doing n they offer to help

when i started the daily thing they werent keen but a few weeks with no money they soon got bored, i keep the money till the end of the week so they have it in one go or if they want to save for longer i do that too, my daughet has been saving hers up a few weeks now shes saving till her b'day then adding her b'day money to go on a shopping spree

 

[mommy2lilmen]

also mine can earn extra if i have a one off job (like clean out shed) ect that needs doing n they offer to help

when i started the daily thing they werent keen but a few weeks with no money they soon got bored, i keep the money till the end of the week so they have it in one go or if they want to save for longer i do that too, my daughet has been saving hers up a few weeks now shes saving till her b'day then adding her b'day money to go on a shopping spree

Wow similar ages. College? Here its 18+ for college ...this summer im giving them outside chores since weather and they be home. I had tree bush trimming, raking,deweed my flower bed, etc for the boys.
My 4th son saved his birthday money for 3 months. He was so happy. He's an impulse boy, shocked me

 

[lozzy21]

I used to get paid to do housework, well not paid so much but i earnt my pocket money, if i wanted more i had to do more housework.

 

[4forme]

I have a 16 yr old a 13 yr old and a 5 yr old. There are certain chores that are a part of living in my house. like garbage taking out, unloading dishwasher, cleaning their rooms and bathroom. All of that gets them no money. If they want money they have to ask if i need something done like washing the car or stripping all the sheets and blankets and washing them. I just get them to do what i normally would do if i'm behind. 30.00 a wk is waay too much. I know what youre saying about the "you should do it its your job" comment. My oldest said this once until he had no clean clothes no lunch money for school nothing, when he complained i told him i quit my job lol. He got the picture pretty quick.

 

[mommy2lilmen]

I have a 16 yr old a 13 yr old and a 5 yr old. There are certain chores that are a part of living in my house. like garbage taking out, unloading dishwasher, cleaning their rooms and bathroom. All of that gets them no money. If they want money they have to ask if i need something done like washing the car or stripping all the sheets and blankets and washing them. I just get them to do what i normally would do if i'm behind. 30.00 a wk is waay too much. I know what youre saying about the "you should do it its your job" comment. My oldest said this once until he had no clean clothes no lunch money for school nothing, when he complained i told him i quit my job lol. He got the picture pretty quick.

Lol omg never heard that. Will say that soon!