Result and my story...

[babylou]

OK. I went to see the consultant today to talk about the reason for loosing Samuel.

I need to let you know more of my story to help explain the result, so here goes....

It was very hard for us to concieve Samuel, indeed nearly 7 years had passed since DD was born. We had given up really, so when I started to feel icky and tired, didn't really think it could be possible. I did the test and was pretty gobsmacked when it was positive. At first I was scared, after all it had been 7 years and was that too big a gap...? Anyway, that all passed, and we were all so happy. We had our 13 week scan, and all was fine, we told DD. Then a few days later we got a call that changed it all.

1 in 80 chance on Downs

CVS or Amnio????????????

We discussed both till blue in the face. CVS is earlier, Amnio later and more common less risk.

We chose CVS.

CVS FAILED - I have to say it was probably the worst experience ever.

CVS again a week later or wait a couple more days and do Amnio??????

We chose Amnio.

Amnio success - and sooooo much easier than CVS.

Phew, we got through it all.

Then the week after a normal MW appointment, and no heartbeat... I think you know the rest.

So, the result is that it is highly likely that the CVS or Amnio caused the loss of our baby boy, who was fine (although we didn't have a PM done). Ironically the Amnio results provided us with confirmation of Samuels gender in order that we could properly name him.

Of course they can't rule out a natural (not CVS or Amnio) reason for the loss.

I need to stress that our testing decisions were not taken lightly, we had our own personal (family)reasons for doing the downs test, and I am sure many of you have differing opinions on this. I just hate the thought that we may have made the wrong decision...

So I think that's it.

 

[blav]

I think we all have times when we question the decisions we made...but where does that get us? You cannot beat yourself up over the decision you made, they were the best you knew for yourself, your family, and Samuel. I wish I had more comforting words to help you through this difficult time. Just know that you didn't know anything wrong and we know you would have done anything to have Samuel with you now.

 

[mhazzab]

Don't ever feel like you need to explain or justify to anyone else, the decision that you made to have the CVS / Amnio, you made the choice that was right for you and your family and I'm sure you didn't make that choice lightly.

Try not to feel guilty, that it may have caused Samuels death, you will never know for sure, but you did what you believed was the right thing.

Like blav said, I wish I could say something more comforting. I know you would give anything to have your little boy back, and I'm sure he knows that too.

I question a few of the decisions I made too, they go round and round in my head, but I made the best choices I could at the time. I can't change anything now but it's hard to stop the thoughts in your head sometimes.

Xx

 

[Nikki_d72]

Oh I'm so sorry. Please don't blame yourselves, you have no real way of knowing if it was that or other natural causes. I know that's easy for me to say but I think we all find something to blame ourselves for and it tears us apart. You did the best thing for your family at the time and it was a well thought out decision, not taken lightly. I hope you can find some peace.

ETA: We all do question our decisions - I was the opposite to you, after lots of thought and deliberation I declined my 12 week scan as I didn't want any dilemmas about further testing due to high nuchal numbers so decided to have faith and wait for the 20wk scan. Thus I was not diagnosed as carrying twins until disaster struck. If I had had that scan I would have known they were there and would probably have been treated as high risk. They may be alive now. At the very least I would have been more careful and would probably have scaled back working so much on my feet all night and could have celebrated them while they were alive. My point is, none of us had a crystal ball so we do what we think is best at the time. it is only when things like this happen (so rarely) that we go over everything we did and blame ourselves. None of us wanted to harm our babies, we wanted to protect them, we did what we did to protect them, it's not your fault it went wrong (or mine, but I still beat myself up). Try to believe that. I will too.

 

[Hellylou]

I'm so very sorry...it must be so hard to come to terms with that possibilility but as the others said you made a choice that was right for you, and it's very possible that the testing had nothing to do with the loss of Samuel, and it was coincidence.

I have torn myself up thinking of all the things I might have done to cause my membranes to rupture, and I have a suspicion that the 13 week scan may have started a chain of events that led to it 3 weeks later, as she pressed so hard into my uterus trying to get the NT measurement (which she couldn't) that I started bleeding immediately afterwards and was in pain with bruising and swelling for several days. Four days after that scan I lost the mucus plug, and bled on and off for 3 weeks until my waters broke. I will always look back at that time and wonder what if I had just insisted she stop hurting me like that? But I just lay there and let her and grimaced through the pain...

But I know that I can't change anything, and it's very possible that it was nothing to do with the scan and was just one of those things, like they tell me. The same is possible for you too.

You did the right thing for your family at the time. It's a very tough journey we are all on, and I think trying to find blame with ourselves somewhere down the line is a natural part of it, but please know you did your very best for Samuel.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Please don't ever blame yourself, ever.........
Let me just tell you if I do get pregnant I will be doing the CVS cause it can be done before 12 weeks and if something is wrong I refuse refuse refuse to wait past 12 weeks to know about anything chromosomal . So now if something happens what do i do blame myself? No, why ? Because I can't can't go through another 2nd trimester loss absolutely not, it will kill me and my kids will loose their mother, i am weak and can't go through another loss, I just know I can't

You did nothing wrong, your family history led you to do the test and you don't even know for sure if that was the cause.. Please don't ever blame yourself, just know Samuel is waiting for you with all our angels, I know that sounds like we say it all the time, but you will see it is true. If he knew that you were feeling this way he would be upset. You did the best you could and when we as mothers do the best we can that is what makes us special mothers..
You have all my love xoxooxoxox

 

[winterwonder]

I'm sorry for the loss of your little boy Samuel, but try not to beat yourself up about the decisions that you made, they were right for you at the time, and you dont know if it was the testing that caused you to lose your little one.

sending you lots of xxxx