Reward charts and time out

[Poppy7]

I have been thinking about introducing a reward chart/s to Elliott. We've been having a few disagreements (aka tantrums) about trivial tasks lately such as nappy changing, teeth brushing etc. I have tried all of the usual tricks such a distraction, really praising him etc to get them done but sometimes he is very difficult about having them done.

Els gets very excited about stickers so a reward chart seemed to be a logical solution but I was wondering if he's too young to understand the concept?

Has/does anyone use a reward chart with success? Am I starting something that maybe the novelty will wear off and we'll be back to square one? Should I just be making him understand that these daily tasks need to be done regardless of his reaction rather than rewarding him for having them done? Would you have a reward chart for each task or just a daily one?

We've recently introduced time out as well so I feel like a very mean mummy right now. I tend to give him two warnings to stop what he's doing and then the third time he does it he goes to time out. I clearly explain why he's been put there and that what he did made mummy angry/upset/sad (he understands this). I don't call him naughty. I make him stay in time out until I've cleaned the mess he made/counted to ten/whatever is appropriate at the time. Am I doing this right?

Elliott is what I would call spirited. Should I be disciplining him in a different way? He's my little boy and I don't like to tell him off but I feel boundaries need to be set now that he's getting to that age and can be challenging at times.

 

[Poppy7]

Anyone

 

[Lightworker]

Hi hun. I wanted to write a long response but I am struggling for time.

If you like, you could have a look at this article

https://www.naturalchild.org/guest/peter_haiman.html

They have loads of nice thoughts on gentle guidance that might interest you, if your mind is not made up on using reward charts and time outs x

 

[TennisGal]

Howdy chicken!

Firstly, our children really are spookily similar, Lizzie is also obsessed with stickers, and currently covering Ally in them as she feeds!

We are also having a few challenges as L asserts her independence and boundary tests

I think you are doing time out exactly as I would. I've tried it with Lizzie, but she finds it all very funny...so I tend to crouch down, look her in the eye and explain in a low and firm voice why I am not pleased. She does get this, and frowns...then hides...then gives me a hug.

I truly believe ensuring that boundaries are in place makes a littlie feel secure

I don't think Lizzie would get the reward chart yet, but I may try...what I've been doing is getting dolly to join in whatever task needs doing...so dolly gets dressed, has a change etc. This really has seen some results!

Lizzie is spirited, too...have read a good few chapters of the book, so will give you a quick run down of what I have learned so far. It's great...particuarly the early bits about persistence!

 

[Poppy7]

Thanks Lightworker, that was an interesting read. I like to keep my options open.xx

TG, so glad I'm on the right wave length. I also make eye contact with Elliott and get down to his level. Like Lizzie, he is often quite amused by time out but I gave been told the novelty wears off. That's a good idea with the dolly Els often insists that his teddies have nappies on etc so we may expand on this. Please do let me know what you think of the book, that would be great.xx

 

[polaris]

I think if you do decide to use a reward chart it would need to be an instant reward rather than at the end of the day. Immediate consequences are much more powerful, even for older children, and delayed rewards really don't work at this age. If you do decide to use a reward chart, I would frame it as something to "help him learn how to e.g. get his nappy changed properly like a big boy". Then maybe explain to him that you are going to teach him how to lie down quietly on the changing mat and get his nappy changed really quickly with no struggling. I would be inclined to work at one task at a time rather than having multiple reward charts. The idea is that the sticker acts to reinforce the desired behaviour which then (hopefully) becomes routine. So over time you gradually fade out the reward, only giving a sticker every second nappy change for example, and then only if he asks for a sticker and finally he doesn't need the sticker anymore. You can then move on to a different behaviour.

I think he is old enough to understand as long as the reward is immediate and you keep it simple. Whether it works or not is another story, it depends how motivated he is to get the sticker compared to his motivation to continue with the behaviour you are trying to get rid of! I used a sticker chart with Thomas for potty training and it worked perfectly, we only had to use it for about a week and a half.

The way you are doing time out sounds pretty much what I would do at this age. I haven't used time out with Thomas yet but he is a pretty compliant child so I just haven't really needed to.

 

[Poppy7]

Thanks Polaris. I was thinking of having the reward chart on the wall and using it as the task is succesfully completed as you suggest. Great idea about fading the stickers out He loves choosing a sticker so hopefully it will work. We shall soon see!

Glad to hear I'm doing time out as others would. I do hate doing it though but boundaries need to be set. You are lucky that Thomas is so compliant!!!