Rights as a father? and speeding along the process for access

[ffc1991]

Hi I recently split up with my partner who i had been with for 4 years. We had a little girl 7 months ago . Anyways since the split the situation has gotten a little out of control and she has no stopped me from seeing my daughter all together.

My name is on the birth certificate and she has my last name. I pay £200 a month into her bank account when i'm only on a basic wage of around £700 a month at Asda. It also costs me £120 each weekend to see my daughter after train fares and hotel fees. This is before me paying for clothes if i have the spare money and money for the stroller she recently just bought. So as you can see this leaves me with little next to nothing after bills and driving lessons to allow me to drive up there and is causing me to go into debt after taking out an overdraft.

When we split up we had an arrangement in place for me to see my Daughter every other weekend Fri-Mon and overnight stays. Within a week of us splitting up she moved away 200 miles and she changed her mind and gave me access the every other weekend but it was to be supervised and no overnight stays. This lead to me to seek basic legal advice and was instructed to go for mediation. Her telling me i could only have supervised access lead to a couple of arguments but nothing major. We also had an agreement in place for me to see my Daughter via Skype 2 times a week for half an hour. Due to me calling 6 minutes late 1 day she didn't allow me to see her on that occasion. Couple days after she informed me that i wouldn't be allowed to see Sophia on Skype anymore as it was apparently unfair on Sophia to be made to sit in front of the camera and wasn't what was best for her. Once she took this away from me once again we had a few heated exchanges nothing threatening or major just me asking why she was doing what she was doing etc and that she was being selfish and horrible. Then the real trouble started to happen.

The couple days just gone were supposed to be the day i saw my Daughter. She informed me via text the other day that i could only see my daughter for 10 hours over the 3 day period i would be spending up here because she had made plans that she wasn't willing to change. This lead to me to getting angry and telling her that she was being a bitch (maybe shouldn't of said that) and that she was using our daughter as a weapon against me and that it was unfair that she was making plans on my weekends with Sophia. She sent me a text saying that i should take it or leave it and that she was going to bed. I got angry at the pettyness and childishness she was behaving like and tried to ring her to sort things out and as per usual she refuses to talk via the phone. I replied to her saying that i couldn't wait for mediation and that she wouldn't always have all this power and that i would get what i wanted in the long run. She then replied i could not see my daughter and that if i wanted to see her i would have to go to court. She has since ignored every phone call and text that i have sent. None have been agressive just me asking to talk to sort out our differences. I must add she is currently in a relationship with another lad who has since posted pictures on his FB of him holding my daughter on the days i was supposed to be seeing her.

Couple questions really.

How long does the court process take?

Will i get what i want likely? for instance i would love to have my dughter every weekend unsupervised and overnight stays. But if it came to it ofcourse i would take every other weekend.

If i was to reduce her payments and hold them back to try get her to return my calls or texts would this go against me? I wouldn't stop them all together but i feel the £200 a month i give her for a 7 month old is more than enough and can't help but feel i'm making things stupidly easy for her.

If i was to travel Birmingham to try to see my daughter and stay calm and not lose my temper etc would this be acceptable? as ofcourse all i'm thinking about is the long game in this situation and that i don't want to do anything stupid that will affect my chances in court.

Any advice also be much appreciated.

Cheers

 

[Wobbles]

Sorry the thread got caught in the moderation queue and has been approved!

 

[vixxen]

Not sure how long things take but you are being very generous regarding money.
Withholding it will probably go against you .I would think you would get unsupervised visitation as long as no issues with anger, substance and alcohol abuse.
Keep all messages and anything regarding agreements and such as they will be handy in future.
Try to show no anger towards her in anyway and seek that visitation now leave it longer and this will prove very distressing to your lo, leaving mommy overnight and maybe even longer etc.
Good Luck

 

[teal]

I'm not sure how long the court process takes but I think before you make any changes to payments or anything you should speak to a solicitor first. Just so you're covered before doing anything. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with trying to see your daughter. Good luck

ps: agree with vixxen about keeping all the messages xx

 

[Lissa3120]

I agree with the others

your unlikely to get EVERY weekend, and likely to get every other. as when it comes to school and stuff, she'll be entitled to have a weekend with her too. And also weekends are different to week days so she's still entitled to a weekend now too. so every other is most likely.

over nights, i think in your situation is different as you were a part of her life since birth and all that, but usually it's about a year that a court grants that.

with mediation, it doesn't grant you anything, it just helps you to communicate what you want, why she wont give it, what she wants, and what your willing to change (as well as vice versa) so no you are not likely to get what you want, but you are likely to get a chance to put what you want across and see if she's willing to accommodate. However once mediation starts, depending on how many sessions you'll require, you then have the option to start court proceedings. how long this will take i don't know.

anything that happens in mediation can not be taken to court and used against either of you, so make the most of it respectably. personally if i were you i would remain above reproach and not stop anything but i can appreciate that it's putting you in a difficult situation.

however regarding the money, your definitely paying enough, however (my personal understanding) if she has said to her job center that you are paying maintenance, then that'll get taken out of her benefits money, so stopping it or reducing it, may affect that side of it. but it is unfair on you that you are finding yourself cut short on money, when a lot of FOB's don't pay a penny. and if she hasn't claimed that she's receiving maintenance, then that's wrong, but it also wont affect her benefits if you do stop. so think carefully

you also may have to pay for the court process... so try and use mediation to the best of your abilities.

hope that the outcome is whats best for the baby and works for you

 

[jemmie1994]

I have no idea as not been through court but just wanted to say how sorry I am that your ex has stopped all contact and is acting the way she is its women like her that give us single mums a bad name also very good to see a father paying out for his child when so many don't hats off to you! hope your situation is resolved and you get access to your daughter best of luck x

 

[Tasha]

I am really sorry that you cant see your daughter at the moment.

With regards to money I would look here https://www.csacalculator.dsdni.gov.uk/calc.asp to see what the CSA would make oyu pay, and pay that for now.

 

[ffc1991]

Cheers for all the comments people.

Haven't heard from her in 5 days now so have had to instigate court proceedings. Tried to see if she was willing to attend mediation which she wasn't. My solicitor has now sent out the letter telling her this is what i'm going to do if she stops contact. Got to wait around 7 days to see if she replies to this if she doesen't it then seems i have to go to court. Been 3 weeks now since i saw the little lady . Hopefully something gets sorted sooner rather than later.

 

[ffc1991]

Also i haven't stopped paying her the money as no matter our differences i still want my EX to be able to afford anything Sophia needs .

 

[Lissa3120]

^

Seems like there are decent FOB's out there after all. Your LO is very lucky.

 

[Dream.dream]

i tell everyone on here, usually its moms though with bad dads,

keep records of everything, keep and print emails and text, and write out details of every phone conversation and incident with dates as soon as it happens.

you need to be the perfect well behaved person so she will have nothing to use against you.

the process may take a while but when you go and have all these dates of things in order of when they happened and can prove you didnt do anything worng it will go better for you

good luck

 

[Cazamatazaaa]

hey, you would definately get every other weekend, u have no reason not to!!!!! as for the money issue, is this through csa?x

 

[ffc1991]

Nope it's via a private agreement but i do have records of all the payments made etc.

 

[Cazamatazaaa]

Are you sure thats how much you have to give her, you can get the csa calculatr thing up? just double check, if u cant afford it then dont pay her that much, x

 

[ffc1991]

It's not how much i have to pay her its ummit like £33 i have to. The idea is that she keeps £100 and £100 is put into my daughters savings account. Since she was born i have put £100 into it. Since she's moved away i'm not entirely sure if she's been doing it but she isn't a bad mother in that sense and i'm fairly confident that sheel be continuing to do this.