Rude people...

[rwhite]

Sorry, this thread has probably been done a million times over, just wanted a little rant - feel free to add your frustrations and stories of your dealings with judgemental people

OH and I took Lachlan for his 6 week jabs yesterday. We were waiting in the waiting room for the nurse to call us in, and I noticed that there was a lady who was I'd say maybe...55? sitting across the room giving me the dirtiest looks. I thought maybe I was imagining it, but OH later said that he noticed it too - even described what colour she was wearing before I got a chance so I know he was talking about the same person!

It really gets on my nerves - obviously she was just judging me because I'm a young mother, and it's downright rude. There was no other reason she could've been looking at me like that - it's not like Lachlan was playing up, he was being a little angel - even smiled for a little old lady The old lady was nicer than that stupid bint..

I'm 20, so I just find it rather stupid that they're judging - I don't think I look school age anymore so not sure why they are even still looking? Not that they should judge mothers who are younger than me anyway because it's damn rude. Plus I had a partner with me, so you'd think that would lessen the judgement, but still no...I just didn't expect I'd be getting quite as many bad looks as I am! On another note - I don't dress like a tramp either so it's not that I had on black jeans and a grey cardi yesterday! I don't know...

Rant pretty much over, sorry girls...also, I get it a lot when around the mall. OH's sister noticed it and I hadn't even picked it up at that point. She was like "It's weird, some people are smiling at you, and others are giving you the dirtiest stares". And now I have noticed it a lot more. But that lady at the doctors clinic, oooh...it was just obvious Wish I'd said something but wasn't sure what to say!

Didn't mean to offend anybody by my comment about me being 20 and not understanding why I get the looks - I can just see more why people would be quick to judge a teenager when they are a parent. But by that I don't mean that any of you are bad parents because you are all fantastic

Now that that's over...care to share your stories of rude people you've encountered anybody? xx

 

[Tashry]

I was 22 when I had my son, had been with my OH for 4 years, and I got a few comments or dirty looks because of the fact that we weren't married when we had him. It's not always the age thing, it's the married thing. It drove me nuts, it's not like we weren't committed to each other, we just decided that since we had a limited time to have a family (thanks to my endometriosis) that it was more important to have a child than to spend the money on a wedding. Not that I should have to explain my reasons, lol, it just bugged me.

Feel free to vent - there are just far too many judgmental people in the world. It's funny because I was terrified to tell my Grandma that I was pregnant, I thought she would freak out because OH and I weren't married yet. When she took it well I asked her if it bothered her and she said such a wonderful thing. She told me that marriage wasn't a piece of paper , a ring, and a party, marriage was about commitment and God knew who was married in His eyes. Being married didn't make things better for my parents having me, they were divorced within a year so what good was that piece of paper. Meanwhile my OH and I are now married, celebrating our 8 year anniversary next month and expecting our second child.

Wow = my rant was just about as long as yours!! Didn't mean to hog the thread, just pointing out that I understand how ridiculous it is to judge people on age or marital status when it comes to parenting.

 

[rwhite]

I was 22 when I had my son, had been with my OH for 4 years, and I got a few comments or dirty looks because of the fact that we weren't married when we had him. It's not always the age thing, it's the married thing. It drove me nuts, it's not like we weren't committed to each other, we just decided that since we had a limited time to have a family (thanks to my endometriosis) that it was more important to have a child than to spend the money on a wedding. Not that I should have to explain my reasons, lol, it just bugged me.

Feel free to vent - there are just far too many judgmental people in the world. It's funny because I was terrified to tell my Grandma that I was pregnant, I thought she would freak out because OH and I weren't married yet. When she took it well I asked her if it bothered her and she said such a wonderful thing. She told me that marriage wasn't a piece of paper , a ring, and a party, marriage was about commitment and God knew who was married in His eyes. Being married didn't make things better for my parents having me, they were divorced within a year so what good was that piece of paper. Meanwhile my OH and I are now married, celebrating our 8 year anniversary next month and expecting our second child.

Wow = my rant was just about as long as yours!! Didn't mean to hog the thread, just pointing out that I understand how ridiculous it is to judge people on age or marital status when it comes to parenting.

That's a good point about the marriage thing, I didn't think of that! That too is a silly reason to judge After all, at the end of the day it's just a ceremony and a certificate...I will only be getting married to my OH (which I don't mind when that happens ) for the sentimental value, not to please anybody! Wouldn't even bother me if we were never to get married, we know how we feel about each other

Wow, what a lovely thing for your grandmother to say, she sounds like a wonderful lady That is very true. And congratulations on a new baby on the way and coming up to 8 years of being together, that's amazing! Well done

That's okay! Rant away It's incredibly ridiculous to judge people for those reasons

x

 

[xx~Lor~xx]

It's horrible, all the rudeness and judging people do, totally understand where your coming from. I was 17 when I fell pregnant, and at my 12 week scan there was a couple sitting opposite us in the waiting room and they kept staring and whispering, I was fuming! But OH kept telling me to calm down and keep quiet. Yes I look young for my age, I know that, but it doesn't give people a reason to judge!! A lot of young mums are good mums! I get looks in the street too, I'm 19 now, but I still get looks, as I look young. I've got used to the looks now, and hold my head up and ignore them, or make loud comments at how rude they are so that they can hear it I know how horrible it is for other young mums, so I always make it my aim to smile at any young mums I see around. It can be so hard being a young parents, purely because of people judging.

Rudeness I can never stand, in any shape or form. It makes me really angry. I don't think there is any need for it.

xoxox

 

[Lauraxamy]

I'm 19, 18 when I fell pregnant and have had looks and comments too. I work in a nursery and even people there were asking if I was married I was like noo I'm only 18 and they were like oh i'd assumed you were much older if you were pregnant and some said it really funny, other people would just stare or ask other people and talk about me behind my back. My Mum said she was 21 when she had me and said she used to get certain comments too. I don't get why, it's not fair. I've learnt to rise above these comments but it is frustrating and I feel like screaming at them too.

 

[CallieBert]

I get that all the time!!!

The other day I was in the park with Braden and I took him over to the swings were there was a older lady i'd say 70-75 who was there with her grandson and she said to me, aww thats nice of you helping your mum out during your weekends. I was confused and asked her what she ment and she said ''Taking your brother out for your mum'' when i told her he was my son, her face said it all. Made me feel like i had done something terrible...but yeah people can be rude!! especially your peers. When im in town with braden, and there is groups of girls shopping or just out with friends and me and the OH are together with the buggy i feel like we get LOADS of stares, im sure its partly paranoia...

 

[AP]

I get it too and I'm 23. And it pisses me off, because regardless of my age, 16 or 23, I have had more of a shitty time as a parent than they prob have

 

[rwhite]

I get that all the time!!!

The other day I was in the park with Braden and I took him over to the swings were there was a older lady i'd say 70-75 who was there with her grandson and she said to me, aww thats nice of you helping your mum out during your weekends. I was confused and asked her what she ment and she said ''Taking your brother out for your mum'' when i told her he was my son, her face said it all. Made me feel like i had done something terrible...but yeah people can be rude!! especially your peers. When im in town with braden, and there is groups of girls shopping or just out with friends and me and the OH are together with the buggy i feel like we get LOADS of stares, im sure its partly paranoia...

I thought I was maybe just being paranoid at the doctors (though she was being pretty obvious, I just wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt I guess lol hence why I didn't pipe up and give her what's for..), but with OH confirming it lol I guess not.

You should ask your OH if he notices it too?

I get it too and I'm 23. And it pisses me off, because regardless of my age, 16 or 23, I have had more of a shitty time as a parent than they prob have

Too right you have Must be really frustrating at 23, too!

 

[CallieBert]

I get that all the time!!!

The other day I was in the park with Braden and I took him over to the swings were there was a older lady i'd say 70-75 who was there with her grandson and she said to me, aww thats nice of you helping your mum out during your weekends. I was confused and asked her what she ment and she said ''Taking your brother out for your mum'' when i told her he was my son, her face said it all. Made me feel like i had done something terrible...but yeah people can be rude!! especially your peers. When im in town with braden, and there is groups of girls shopping or just out with friends and me and the OH are together with the buggy i feel like we get LOADS of stares, im sure its partly paranoia...

I thought I was maybe just being paranoid at the doctors (though she was being pretty obvious, I just wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt I guess lol hence why I didn't pipe up and give her what's for..), but with OH confirming it lol I guess not.

You should ask your OH if he notices it too?

Yeah he notices it but he gets really angry and says what he thinks to them, which is partly why I hate it, because then we are labled as not just ''stupid teenagers'' but ''aggressive stupid teenage parents''

 

[Raven24]

one of the health visitors i see talked to me like i was sh*t last week and was really condescending about me weaning william and was just generally horrible i just dont get it ok yeah im young im 23 and i know im not a teen but i am the youngest mum out of all the mums in my post natal groups they all have 20 years on me and i feel like im judged because i chose to have my baby young rather than wait till im nearly 40 and she just looked at me like i was a crap mum and obvioulsy not as good a the older mums and after she had finished talking to me she went to one of the other mums who is alot older than me and was congratualting her on weanign and giving her loads of encouragement i felt and still feel awful over this i wish people wouldnt judge a womans mothering abilities on her age

 

[purple_kiwi]

i get dirty looks and every thing all the time. im the youngest that goes to all the baby groups i go to and i swear the one lady hates me shes always making it must be easier for you since your younger comments. well no its not easier cuz i have people like you talk down to me like im nothing. then today my cousin posted this on my other cousins status. honestly i was really offened. "thats what i ment! you were not a teenage mom so tell them to get over it! not only that but you were married before rena was born." im both a teenager and im not married.

 

[rwhite]

Yeah he notices it but he gets really angry and says what he thinks to them, which is partly why I hate it, because then we are labled as not just ''stupid teenagers'' but ''aggressive stupid teenage parents''

Yeah it's a tricky one, doesn't give you much chance to respond does it...lose lose situation

When I took Lachlan out for his first ever walk in the buggy, I was blatantly just about to cross at the pedestrian crossing and this old bag and her husband looked at me and just went straight on through and didn't give me a chance to cross so I gave them the finger Then I later regretted it because it would've just 'proved' to them that I wasn't the sort of person that should have a child, IYKWIM? It was a reflex reaction, honest

one of the health visitors i see talked to me like i was sh*t last week and was really condescending about me weaning william and was just generally horrible i just dont get it ok yeah im young im 23 and i know im not a teen but i am the youngest mum out of all the mums in my post natal groups they all have 20 years on me and i feel like im judged because i chose to have my baby young rather than wait till im nearly 40 and she just looked at me like i was a crap mum and obvioulsy not as good a the older mums and after she had finished talking to me she went to one of the other mums who is alot older than me and was congratualting her on weanign and giving her loads of encouragement i felt and still feel awful over this i wish people wouldnt judge a womans mothering abilities on her age

That's awful! What double standards. It's terrible isn't it - at the end of the day everybody goes in to pregnancy and motherhood with the same amount of experience (unless of course you are a nanny, which could be a little different :lol), no matter how much you have read about it etc it's all new because it's something you've never been through before.

Everybody takes to it differently too, who's to say an older parent is going to be better than a younger parent?

In a way, even though it may not be ideal circumstances for most, we have it a little easier physically in the fact we (no offence to anybody older who is reading this..) have the energy to run around after small children that some women who are a little older may not have. My OH's mum had him at 30, then found herself pregnant again at 40 with his littlest sister (he has a sister who's a couple years younger than him too) and she's said that it is much harder on the body, she didn't bounce back like she did with OH and his other sister and she found she got quite weary running around after her youngest.

Sorry, rambling again

i get dirty looks and every thing all the time. im the youngest that goes to all the baby groups i go to and i swear the one lady hates me shes always making it must be easier for you since your younger comments. well no its not easier cuz i have people like you talk down to me like im nothing. then today my cousin posted this on my other cousins status. honestly i was really offened. "thats what i ment! you were not a teenage mom so tell them to get over it! not only that but you were married before rena was born." im both a teenager and im not married.

Like I mentioned before, I think the lady who is commenting on it being easier for you etc is probably thinking of the fact that you may have more energy than her when it comes to tending to a baby, and is a little envious But no it's definitely not easier having a baby young, the amount of criticism is pretty horrendous really. From the way some people act towards young parents, you'd think we picked our babies up by their heads/limbs, fed them alcohol and participated in rampant orgies in front of them.. THAT would make us worthy of judgement, but really most of us are no different to any other mother who has had her children at the 'normal' age. Same as theirs, our babies are clean, well fed, well dressed and very well loved That said, I'm speaking for the responsible parents lol.

Don't let anybody make you feel ashamed hun There's nothing wrong with being a teenage parent, and the whole 'you should be married before you have a baby thing'...I think people are still living in the stone age. Yes, traditionally it would be ideal but really what difference is a certificate going to make if you're committed to your partner? Even if you're not with somebody, if you have the support from people around you then you've got a great start