Sad about Christmas Day plans

[kirstybumx3]

I've spent most of this morning upset. Every year since I was little I've gone to my grandparents house on Christmas Day. The whole family goes and we all exchange gifts there.
To keep the story short me and OH split for a few months 2 years ago and OH had a short relationship with someone else. My grandfather didn't take it well. The previous 2 Christmases I've visited them on my own without OH to avoid conflict but this year felt enough was enough. We have been back together for two years now, have been together 7 years overall (minus the few months obviously) and we are expecting another child together. I think it's about time my grandfather accepted we are back together.
I called him and asked could OH come along Christmas Day and he straight out said no.
I've decided I'm not going to visit at all then this year. It's breaking my heart and my family probably won't take it well but I'm not willing for my OH to spend part of Christmas by himself away from his partner and son. It's not on.
Just really feeling rubbish now about the whole day tomorrow. Don't know when I'll get chance to see my mum because they'll be at my grandparents until it's time for us to go to the in laws it's really going to be strange and I don't know when we'll get to exchange gifts with everyone now.
Don't know what the point really is in this post I'm just feeling so rubbish when I should be feeling festive and excited. 😞😞😞😞

 

[Bevziibubble]

Oh hun, that's so sad It's very unfair that he expects you to exclude your OH just because you had a brief split up. You have been together ages and have a child so it's not like a short relationship. I think you're doing the right thing staying with your OH tomorrow . It's sad that it's breaking tradition, but I hope your grandfather can see that he was wrong to exclude your OH

 

[kirstybumx3]

Thanks Bev. I feel so sad that I've had to make the decision not to go but deep down I feel like I've made the right decision. It sort of feels like I've had to choose my family or OH in this situation and that's a horrible thing to have to do. I think it was unfair of my grandfather to put that on me and I hope that later on when I tell them I'm not going tomorrow they respect my decision.

 

[Geebug x]

We have gone away with OHs family this year and I'm missing home massively. Dreading tomorrow, just want to go home and be with my lot I know that's not helpful but the way I'm thinking is its just another day xxx

 

[wtbmummy]

I'm sorry to hear your feeling so down at christmas.
Families are funny things and we are spending christmas alone ourselves and it's making me feel very down also so I do feel your pain.
I hope that your grandad changes his mind or at least the rest of the family stand up for you and your oh.
It makes me sad as its at this time of year we are suppose to let go of the petiness and really apreiate what we have. I hope your grandad (if nothing else) appoligises and invites your whole household next year when you have the new addition also xx

 

[c1403]

You made the right decision. It's unfair to exclude him, I could understand if it was recent and st lol raw but you have moved on so you shouldn't be in this position.
Enjoy your day with your boys and try not to feel to upset about it

 

[msbene]

Question: besides Christmas time, has your OH reached out to your grandfather in any way to talk about what happened and make amends?

I ask because in my culture a break from your spouse/OH is seen as a break from the entire family. The reconciliation must be btw the person and the entire family - not just the other half of the couple. It sounds to me that the betrayal your grandfather experienced when you and OH split up has festered into a deep resentment. If all what you've done as a family is ignore and avoid the issue (i.e. showing up without OH) then it wont be resolved.

I'm not unsympathetic towards you, not at all. I just really understand where granddad may be coming from. In my culture, a couple that reunites after a split dont do it independently - the entire family literally comes together and air their opinions and forgiveness is sought from all hur t parties.

Maybe now that you and OH are back together, you can draw on your mutual strength as a couple, indulge your granddaddy and plan a non-holiday time to hear him out and pursue peace. Hope this helps! Good luck and Merry Christmas!

 

[kirstybumx3]

No that's really not something that happens in our family. My parents were obviously spoken to about it when we got back on track but it really isn't anyone else's business as far as I'm concerned as they weren't even told details of the split. I also don't feel he needs to seek forgiveness from anyone but me and even then, we were in a bad place I get why we split and what he did whilst single was nothing to do with me for me to need to forgive him iykwim?

We didn't go anyway. My grandmother was obviously upset and I didn't get to see my extended family but the way I see it is, this is our last Christmas as a 3 and there was no way we were going to be split for any part of the day it just wouldn't have felt right for me. I feel bad that I've hurt feelings along the way with my choices but honestly, I feel like it's my grandfather that has caused that hurt not me.

 

[Bevziibubble]

The hurt is not your fault. You did what was right for your son as I am sure he wouldn't have wanted his dad away from him on Christmas day either

 

[Babybump87]

Sorry to hear this. Family drama around Christmas is always hard. Your right to stick with your OH .
I hope you got/get to see your grandparents soon.. Hopefully next year the will reach out to you at christmas especially if you have a new baby . Hope you had a lovely day regardless x