sad that kids will be furthe apart in age

[cadmom]

If you have kids 3 years apart or more I want to hear from you!

I originally wanted my babies close in age (1 to 1.5 yrs apart). After a successful and easily conceived first pregnancy we have been having miscarriages and difficulty conceiving #2.

I am sad that they will be so far apart in age. I know there are pro's and con's to both but I just can't shake it off.

Everyone seems to say pro's to close is that they grow up together and pro's to further apart is that it's "easier". I don't care about easy!!

Anyone have advice on how to switch my thoughts to positives on a 3 year gap (minimum, at this point...)

 

[future_numan]

My neice and nephew are exactly 3 yrs apart and my SIL swearsthat's the best age gap.
My neice is more independent and do alot for herself like put on her shoes, feed herself with little mess, pick her clothes ect.
She is also a " little momma" when it comes to the care of her brother.
She entertains him when my SIL is busy doing something like cooking dinner.
They were able to prepare my neice for the birth of her brother as she was older and better understood.
I think there was min. jealousy
There is never any promise that siblings will get along no matter what the age difference so I would relax about the whole thing..
My brother and I are 7 yrs apart and though we didn't always see eye to eye.. he is the first person I call... and I am the same to him.

 

[Bats11]

My sister & i are 4yrs apart & we're best friends!

Try and not put too much pressure on yourself, i hope you get a sticky bean real soon.

 

[BlueHadeda]

Well, I have both smaller and bigger gaps. My eldest was 2.5years when his sister came along. Then she was 4.5 years (and my eldest 7) when their little brother was born. This time, my eldest will be 11, my daughter almost 9 and my youngest 4.5 years when our next baby is born. So I have had the 2-year gap, the 4-year gap, the 7, 9 and 11-year gap...

To me, the 2-year gap was terrible compared to the rest. I know you say you don't care about it being easier, but if it's easier on the mom, it's also easier on the kids! I felt sooooooo guilty when my eldest was just age 2, and had to stand back for his newborn sister. To ask a 4-year old to wait for a cuddle is easier on the child, than to ask a 2-year old. It's difficult for the oldest, when you have a small gap.

About them being friends. Well, my 4-year gap daughter and son is THE best of friends. They are inseperable. They almost never fight, and they're always playing together. My eldest 2 were close to each other when they were little, but they fight allot as well. My two boys (eldest and youngest, 7 years apart) is also very close, and never fights. They play boy-things together, especially when my daughter is occupied somewhere else like with homework.

So, this is why we're having a 4-year gap again. It worked out perfectly for us. Good luck, I hope you get your sticky bean soon!!

 

[suzimc]

3.5 years between me and my sister, she's my best friend so mum did that one right! I have 4kids the first 3 were born at 20 month intervals and the 4th 12 years after the 3rd, am trying out a different age gap...so far tis working my kids love their tiny brother!

 

[Halle71]

I feel the same as you. There will be a 3.5 year age gap by the time this baby is born and I always wanted a two year gap. Partly so they could play together sooner and partly to keep them in the same palce at the same time! Ie - two at nursery or two at school - having a long time with them at different places is going to be tough.

That said, Matilda is dying to have a baby now and I think she will be very settled and helpful with the new arrival.

We had no choice because of my work situation.

As soon as you do get pregnant you won't worry about it and you'll just be happy that you're pregnant

 

[Flowermommy]

Theres a 3 year gap between my eldest two daughters. I was also told this was the perfect age gap but now they're a little older (13 and 10) they just seem to argue constantly (at least thats how it feel sometimes, haha). Then theres a 5 years gap between the next two (10 and 5) and they're honestly the best of friends, its just so lovely to see. 4 years between the next two (5 and 8months) so I cant really comment on their relationship as of yet, except to say all three of the elder girls are besotted with their baby sister. My youngest will be 11months when the little dude arrives so that will be 1 to watch too.

There was 21months between myself and my younger sister and we fought appallingly until we were around 19 and 17!!

So in my experience id have to say 'closeness' is not down to any specific age gap anyway.

Please dont beat yourself up over this hun, theres really no need. xxxx

 

[Goddessmom]

I am expecting my second child in October, my first is 18... I wish I only had a 3 year gap lol

 

[Tryingtrying]

We get on great and don't think mum ever regretted the large age gap. We are best friends!!

 

[cadmom]

Thanks everyone of you sweet ladies who replied. Today is a tough day, i have shed so many tears and your responses really helped. I guess its up to us to make sure they are close. My dd loves other children so I guess that's why its so hard now. But true that she gets all the attention needed during her first two important years and maybe since my dh and i both work full time that is a good thing. I am now just hoping i can move on and forget about the gap and just get pregnant to start with. Its just so hard when "plans" fall through. Not that we really did much thinking about it but we never expected to have an easy pregnancy followed by trouble concieving. Who knew. Thanks again everyone, really needed the support this week.

 

[try4girl]

My oldest bio child is 8 (9 this Sat) my next will be 2 on july 25 and my next is due on the 27h of July. I am SCARED about how close my youngest two are going to be. I always wanted about 3 to 4 years apart (my brother and I are all but 4 years) I think the hardest part about big age gaps are when they are older trying to find family things that everyone will want to do. But for me I think it is harder my husband is 15 years older then me and he had three kids before me, total this one is going to be his sixth. So we have 21(m) 18(f) 15(f) 8(m) 21 month (m) and one on the way (team yellow) I think it what you put into it. I loved that with my oldest that I was able to do all the things with him and give him one on one time and I always thought that if I had them about 3-4 years apart I would be able to send him to preschool and then give my next one one on one while he was in school then family time after school. Life did not work out the way I thought it would and I got a large age gap and a small one. But I can say I will always treasure the time I get with each one by themselves and I part of me is sad that I will not get to do this with the new baby.

 

[minties]

I'm just having a nosey inn this part of the forum, but I don't think age gap has much to do with how they will get along.

My son and his cousin are 11 months apart, the older cousin completely ignores my son and is highly irritated by him. They see another 1-3 times a week and have done so for a long time.

My brother and I are very close in age but hardly ever see eachother, nor do we really want to.

 

[Dizzymum]

I have two boys (14yrs and 9yrs) and a 16month old DD. I love it! I had more time to enjoy each of them at the baby stage, as my older son was at school when youngest son was born, and then both boys at school when DD was born. They all get along very well. I didn't want them close together, didn't want a toddler and baby at the same time.........too much like hard work! I'm glad about how things have worked out.

I had two cousins who are just over a year apart, and fight like cat and dog still ...they are in their 40's now!!

 

[vintage67]

I think how close siblings become or don't become in life depends on a lot of things besides age.

My own children are ages 7 and age 6 months! We didn't plan such a gap, but as an older mom, there were 3 miscarriages in my 40's.

I have high hopes that my boys will be very close.

There is a 6 year age gap between my sister and I and we are not close at all, but we are such opposite people and the distance is all her choosing, not mine. My husband and his sister are very close in age, around 16 months I think, and they are not close at all either because they are so very different as people.

I know plenty of people who are very close to siblings of varying age differences. Having them a "perfect" amount of time apart isn't required for a "close" relationship.

 

[crancherry]

My sister and I are 3 years apart and we never got along. She is a very extroverted, "in-your-face" type of person, while I am an introverted, quieter type. It caused a lot of resentment on my end when she got all the attention and would steal my clothes, music, even friends, while we were growing up. Had we been a little further apart in age I think we would have been at more different stages of life and things may have been easier. She now has two daughters, also 3 years apart, and is having an extremely difficult time with jealousy, acting out, and competing for attention between them.

On the other hand, my boys are 17, 8, and we have one on the way. My boys are absolutely the best of friends, they get along famously but always had different needs and didn't have to compete with each other. I really enjoyed being able to bond with them fully as babies without having another little one tugging at my skirt constantly. The eldest is more introverted and the younger more extroverted, but this has not ever been an issue between them. Perhaps because they each have been able to receive all the individual attention they needed and had no need to "outshine" the other.

I really do think it has a lot to do with personality, as well as how you are able to successfully divide your attention, but in case you get two clashing or needy personalities, having a larger age gap can really help ease that situation, regardless of how easy or difficult it may be on your part. I wouldn't change a thing about the large age gap between my kids.

Best of luck to you in whatever happens, I am sure things will pan out the way they were meant to

 

[darkstar]

I have a 14 and a 12 year old who don't get along , 2 years 8 months between them and it was always a competition for attention. I'm due now in January with a half sibling for them and there will be a 13 year gap!

 

[SHump76]

My daughter is 10 and my son is 4. They have always been really close. They're far apart enough in age where they don't fight for attention or compete with each other because their needs are SO different. My son thinks the sun rises and sets with his sister, and she dotes on him, and it is absolutely the sweetest thing ever. My son will be 4 1/2 when his little sister is born, so there will be a 10 year age gap between my daughters. I used to worry about them all being so far apart in age, but my DH has a big family, and his youngest sister is 11 years younger than him. They're very close, so I know that it's possible and I don't worry about it any longer.

 

[tracy143]

I can relate. My two sons are 2 and a half years apart. I wanted one out of diapers before having my second one. The first was also sleeping through the night and loved the idea of a baby brother. I love the age difference between them.

Now, I am pregnant with my third baby, 14 years later.... My oldest son just turned 17, my youngest son is 14 and this baby girl is due in July. I am saddened that my oldest son and his sister will not have time to bond and she will pretty much grow up by herself once my boys grow up and leave to focus on their own lives. I wish I would have had a closer age range but that's not how life turned out. I don't regret my decisions but I hope my little girl adjusts well to not growing up with a sibling.

 

[Parabellum]

I'm a child from a family with an age gap between myself and my other siblins, me being the baby of the group (and oh don't i get reminded of that)

From the childs point of view, I was very much supported by my siblins as they was older and my parents had the support of them. I'm guessing the age gap wont be as big but you will have little one to keep an eye on the baby. Also if you have a little girl, she will be at that age where they will love to have a real life doll arriving into the family. I missed having a brother or a sister close but i wouldnt of changed it for the world. I had 1 on 1 time with my mum that i wouldnt of got so much of if I had a siblin close in age to me.

More than welcome to send me a message if you have any worries.

 

[Shockedat41]

My two daughters are 10 years apart and really are the best of friends,they worship each other and they miss each other when they're apart.there was 3 years between the eldest 2 and they were good company too but I feel like my daughter missed out on a lot when #2 came along..I'm now going to have another 10 years between #3 and #4 and although this isn't how I imagined it I guess life doesn't go how you think it will...im sure that whatever the gap will be it won't matter cos you will love it so much xx