Was reminiscing earlier about New Years Day 5 years ago. I was sat on my own in my car in a McDonalds car park having just spit up with my ex-DH, wearing some dodgy old joggers and having nowhere to go.
Had tried to stay at my parents but they were on their way down to my Nanny's as she was dying (and in fact died before they could get there). They'd left a spare key with their neighbour who wasn't answering the door.
That's got to be the worst New Year I ever had possibly closely followed by the year before when I discovered my ex-DH had been cheating on me with a girl 15 years younger than him.
This year was the first year I felt I could actually laugh at the image of myself from 5 years ago. Kinda funny looking back in a weird sorta way mainly because life has improved a million times since then.
No. My mum died when I was 14 and my dad died when I was 19. We also lost our gran 4 years ago on the 30th Dec, so its a tough time all round.
I was thinking back to last year, it was our second night at home and I was mad with the fireowrks in case they woke my tiny baby up. She slept through them this year
I get like that at christmas and New Year, I really expected it to hit me this year, but for some reason it didn't.......I didn't get emotional at all My Mum died last Boxing day, so I was dreading christmas and new year, as we always prepare for it together, I got very emotional beforehand, but not on the actual event.
I found I was very thankful for what I used to have and look forward to what's still to come, I was very shocked I must say!
I get very emotional around Christmas about family & my childhood! My parents were my foster parents ... Mum, Dad, big sister & big brother then they just forgot me like I wasn't apart of their life when my birth Mum wanted me back 12 years on although was with them 9/10 years of that time Never been able to call Mum Mum & Dad I do but I sometimes find I have a lump in my throat when I say it, like its hard to say! Think thats why I want my family so much to give my child all the love & surroundings I never had or that which was taken from me & then I didn't exist It does feel like I've lost a family but they are still out there!
To top it off I went back to birth Mum for a year - They made my life hell in a foreign country so then I was passed about through childrens home & I sort of cry about what they took from me - A family for that life!
i was thinking back today about what we done last year and this time last year was when we dropped the bombshell on his parents i was pregnant with Colby what a great start to the new year that was, no wonder it was a shit year from then on except having my bouncing happy healthy wee colby 3 months later
Hope this year is better all round for everyone
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