Saying no to others holding baby

[callmedan]

Today was our first big day out with baby (3 weeks 5 days) at a family party
I spent from 7am till we set off at 2pm bathing baby, having awake time and timing feeds and naps so that when we got to the party baby would have a nice at least 2 hour sleep in her pram
Half an hour in my sister in law sticks her hands in baby's face 'ooh she's waking up' I was fuming!!!! She woke her up because she wanted a hold!
Then of course baby had an unsettled hour as she was tired and couldn't sleep, we tried going for a walk rocking etc but she was unsettled then (as she always is when someone rudely wakes her up!!)
Then I had to take her to the car to feed (my first time BF out of the house, I'm not comfortable doing it in public yet) and as she was fussy already that was really difficult, I just wanted to go home
Baby had a feed and another fussy hour and eventually fell asleep lay on me

People kept asking me if they could hold her and I had to say no as its unfair she already had her sleep disturbed once, then they see her asleep fine on me and I know they're thinking I'm just being mean and having her all to myself but I know what she's like! and it makes me feel like an idiot
I also feel bad for baby, she's not a doll to be passed around she's a person!

How would you deal with situations like this? Do you just say no to people and if so how do you deal with judgey behaviour?
I was so mad at my SIL for waking her, I was really upset!

 

[CaptainMummy]

I felt this way with my first. I just wanted to punch them all in the face!! But we rarely saw them so I just bit my tongue knowing that I wouldn't need to see them again for a while. You are doing great, and there is nothing wrong with telling them 'no, maybe when she is awake and happy then you can have a little cuddle. She needs her sleep!'

When I had the other two girls, I was practically begging people to take them how things change!

 

[Diannam]

I know during that time and even a bit still now I am protective of my baby's sleep. I would just tell people how important my babys naps are and how difficult it is to calm an overtired baby.

The judgeyness I ignored. I am the one who has to deal with an upset baby not them. Many people seem to think babies will just sleep when they are tired... Well most won't. I am jealous of the people who had newborns that just napped so easily.

 

[donnarobinson]

I tell people no simple as if they don't like it tough lol
Ino people probably don't like it but I hate my kids routines been messed up X

 

[RaquelDee]

Put her in a wrap or a carrier for gatherings like this, that way people will be far less likely try to wake or touch her as they will have to invade your personal space. If people ask to carry her, tell them she is about to got to sleep or something like that. Just ignore the judgy-ness and do what's best for your bub.

 

[happynewmom1]

I felt this way with my first. I just wanted to punch them all in the face!! But we rarely saw them so I just bit my tongue knowing that I wouldn't need to see them again for a while. You are doing great, and there is nothing wrong with telling them 'no, maybe when she is awake and happy then you can have a little cuddle. She needs her sleep!'

When I had the other two girls, I was practically begging people to take them how things change!

Haha this! I was just like you with my first. I was fuming inside if anyone woke him or wanted to hold him all the time but now I welcome it. It's definitely ok to feel the way you do, so don't worry about saying no. It's your right as a mother to be able to do that as you know what is best for your child which in many cases is for them to get a good nap.

I also totally agree with getting a wrap or carrier for events. If I have her in that, nobody asks me if they can hold her and also it's great for nursing discreetly in when this baby gets fussy, I can put her in the carrier and she falls asleep so fast so it helps so much.. Even with noise or people around!

 

[Natasha2605]

Simple as, I say no. If baby is sleeping people should leave them be! Can't believe your SIL woke your LO, how bloody rude!

 

[lau86]

I was too polite with my first and let people pass him round like a parcel, then I wondered why he wouldn't settle! Good on you for sticking up for your LO, she was perfectly happy asleep!

 

[BunnyN]

I find people are constantly trying to wake up a sleeping baby ( ). To start with it upset me but I have just kind have learned to accept it as part of life with a baby along with waking multiple times a night and changing dirty nappies . I stop it when I can but when it happens I just deal with it and try not to let it get to me. I find you can rarely plan how things are going to work out with a baby anyway.

Personally I think it does a baby good to be held by other people. That doesn't mean its always the moment for it though. You are the mum and know when baby needs to sleep, is overstimulated or just wanting mummy. There is nothing wrong with saying no.

 

[crazy4baby09]

I just tell people no, I am not a fan of letting people hold my babies. With my first people shamed me for feeling this way and pressured me to let them hold him, kept starting arguments and such. They would also not want to give him back and go show him off to other people and act like I was crazy when I wanted him back. I finally put my foot down that the only time anyone was allowed to hold him was if I offered. The same goes for my daughter. I don't want my children to be passed around like some shiny new toy. Stand strong and tell them no, unless you want someone to hold your child.

 

[nickinakinoo]

This worries me too (when he gets here) I live in very close proximity to my in laws and although he's my first I've seen what here like with my nieces! I no that they'll just turn up and expect me to hand him over

 

[weedle]

I let both of mine be passed around from birth. I know I love a newborn cuddle so I let everyone have them lol. Funnily enough they both slept through it mostly and have never been clingy kids.

 

[LoveCakes]

I didn't mind so much with mine, mostly as people had travelled far or we wouldn't see them for a while.

That said my LO slept amazingly at the start so it wouldn't have woken her. If be much more likely to get annoyed now if people drop in at bed time and expect her to want to play.

Do what is right for you, parenting unfortunately attracts judgement no matter what you do so you might as well please yourself, you'll never please everyone!

 

[Left wonderin]

I let both of mine be passed around from birth. I know I love a newborn cuddle so I let everyone have them lol. Funnily enough they both slept through it mostly and have never been clingy kids.

This is me too .. Having 5 sisters who all adore newborns its tough
I was told I had to " share " lol.... With no 2 and no 1 being a toddler I'm delighted with the extra hands to help out !

Its your right as a mum to do what you feel is right . Make no apologies for it . The sling is a great idea .

 

[embeth]

I have sometimes felt like this with all of mine.. It's annoying at times although I didn't mind so much as newborns as mine didn't really seem to be disturbed by people holding them.

What does drive me crazy now tho is my 5 month old constantly being touched by a couple of children in my eldest school class.. Everyday twice a day I take my two boys to school and the same children come straight over to Isabelle and won't leave her alone.. She had her injections last week and was asleep, it was a bit wet out so I put her rain cover on to stop her being touched but one of the kids still
Tried to reach under it to touch her!!!! I had to say no then!

It's your child so just tell people.. Difficult I know.. Carrier/wrap is a great idea x

 

[Teri7489]

I cater to my children's needs always. If their sleep or that is going to cause a nuisance (wedding, event etc) then we ask someone to look after them or one of us stay home. Also if people come to my house near nap time or bedtime I keep to my routine, even if it means leaving guests downstairs. When my 2 were tiny I didn't want them passed around so I simply said no. Not in a horrid way but in a protective way.

 

[callmedan]

Thank you for all these responses!!! You have really made me feel better

It's silly because in my head I obviously know I need to do whats best for baby but I'm tired of people pressuring me otherwise! Defo going to stick to my guns from now on. I don't mind anyone having a little hold of her but only when it suits baby best

 

[Twag]

Your baby your rules - I am the same even now

 

[frangi33]

You say you had lots of awake time with baby in the morning. Did you purposely think you might have done this so she stayed asleep so that people couldn't hold her, or is it part of her normal routine to stay awake all morning and sleep in the afternoon? Just wondering if you had apprehension of people holding her before you left the house?

 

[callmedan]

You say you had lots of awake time with baby in the morning. Did you purposely think you might have done this so she stayed asleep so that people couldn't hold her, or is it part of her normal routine to stay awake all morning and sleep in the afternoon? Just wondering if you had apprehension of people holding her before you left the house?

It's her normal routine, I would never purposely wake her up or keep her awake