Scared about trying again when not over previous losses

[rumbelina80]

Hi all,

This is my first post on anything like this so not really sure where to start but pretty sure it will help to talk to people who have been through/are going through the same thing - I don't know the abbreviations either so bear with me.

I have had 2 MC, one in Dec 09 and one June 10, the second one hit harder and I just threw myself into work to try and get passed it, but since then it's like something is missing in me, I've always been a very strong, independent and strong person who can just get on with things when things go wrong - I know thats not always the way to cope but it's worked for me for anything else.

Since the second mc I have avoided all talk - or thought -of babies, pregnancy or anything related to that. If I came into direct contact with anything related I would get sad and teary, sometimes hysterically - one of my best friends recently told me she was pregnant and I can't even speak to her now - and this is 7 months on - I don't want it to be like that. I'm generally much more sensitive then I used to be and get upset about things that would never have affected me before.

We had tests and apparently there is nothing wrong and we've just been unlucky (which I know should put us in a good position and we are luckier than others in our situation) but now we are ttc again and I feel that if everything works out ok this time then I will be ok, but if it doesn't .. I don't know how I will react to it when I don't really feel that I have dealt properly with whats happened before.

My mum and husband feel that I should talk to someone - especially as we are ttc again - but I don't know who to talk to, is anyone going through/has gone through the same thing?

 

[Niamh22]

Firsty welcome rumbelina, I am so sorry for your losses. It is understandable to be scared to TTC again i think we all are. peoplegope with grief in different ways, i suffered my 2nd loss last week and have thrown myself straight into to trying again that is my way of (not) dealing with it.

Do you think talking ot a counsellor would help, I am sorry that you feel unable to speak to you friend jealousy is a horrible thing which i know i am capable of, but your best friend would be able to offer you support whislt TTC and i'm sure if you explian to her how you are feeling she will be sensitive on the issue of her own pregnancy. We are all here to rant and vent at. I was never a part of a forum before but have found this site helps me as we are all in the same boat and it is good to be able to speak with people who understand. the fact that the tests show that there is nothing wrong is great and the fact that you can get pregnant is another comfort. Can I ask how far along in your pregnancies you got before you MC?

sorry if what i have said hasn't helped i'm not very good at this but i try to give it a go lol

 

[Monkey12]

Hi Rumbelina

Didn't want to read and run.... Im so sorry for your losses. I have had a Miscarriage and apparently there is nothing wrong with me either. My miscarriage was on a wednesday and was back in work by the Monday morning, thought i was coping, but i really wasn't, i cried over the slightest thing, lost my temper would feel really anxious all the time.

Probably should have took more time off work and spoke to someone about things. If you have the chance to see a counsellor or you just have someone to listen to you when your feeling at a low point, I say take that chance.

 

[rumbelina80]

Hi Niamh,

I wasn't even very far along, the first was around 7 weeks, was a suspected ectopic, then not, then no heartbeat, I mc a few days later. The second was around 9 weeks, we'd already seen a strong heartbeat and thought everything was going to be ok, but when we returned a week later (as was under the early pregnancy unit) the heartbeat had stopped, I then had a d & c.

I know we are in a better position than many others as I can get pregnant (albeit with v irregular cycles) and have had tests confirming nothing wrong - and am positive about trying again.

I also do understand why this happens and it's not that I am thinking about it all the time, its just that it really does feel that I am less of a person emotionally than I was before - and it's how to deal with that and try and make myself stronger incase it happens again.

Thanks for your message .. sorry you're feeling sad .. ?

 

[Niamh22]

I am sad today as was a week i had a scan to confirm my latest Mc. I think that no matter how strong people are we still crumble when we lose a baby. i try to think of my early pregnancy losses as cells that didn't work right. It must have been hard to see a heartbeat and still to lose the baby. I think i am more of seeing a negative test result that Mc again and that i know is crazy. I am lucky in that my Mc's have happened after i had anormal pregnancy and i look at her everyday and know that i am blessed, had i not her i am not sure i would be so strong. i hope it is 3rd time lucky for the you x.
how does your OH feel? have you spoken to him about your worries?

 

[rumbelina80]

Oh hun I'm so sorry to hear that, look after yourself and cry as much as you need to - you are blessed with your daughter but you still need to get passed this as anyone else would have to.

Yeah and he is great, at the time he was just as upset as I was but i know that now he doesn't understand how it still upsets me so much - he wants to understand but I know he is worried about how I wll be if it happens again now we are trying again - thats why he wants me to talk to someone that understands.

I hope you're ok x

 

[Niamh22]

yeah i am ok i'm in denial i think as they told me was going to obvulate when they took the scan and sure enough i did been trying so don;t think it will hit me now till after i see if my period arrives (that's AF) on here not sure what that means not up on all the abbreviations myself. It is good he is supportive, it will be hard for him to understand why you are scared and upset still. i think it is slightly different as it is real to us from the moment we find out think it gets real for them the further on you get and of course when the baby arrives, although they have lost not sure what they have lost if that makes sense. I am scared of losing again but i see it as won't know if it will work if i give up trying and so i guess i will just keep on going and hoping. i think that is the way with most of us. and of course all the fun of trying