Scared to death... but big first step!

[Megg33k]

Okay... Let me start by saying that I'm utterly terrified. I'm going to type this out in hopes that maybe it helps somehow!

In Dec, I had my ultrasound at 10+2 and all they found was a gestation sac measuring 5+2. The sonographer didn't know anything about me or what she was supposed to be looking for... only that she was doing a transvaginal u/s of my uterus! So, I know that I'm supposed to be seeing a quasi-baby looking baby on the screen. Instead, I see a little circle and she gives me the speech about what it's measuring, my lining "looks great" and "everything looks just perfect." I start explaining that its impossible. She says, "Its not impossible. You were trying, weren't you?" And then tells me that I should be happy because I'm pregnant. I keep telling her that its impossible because I should be 10 weeks. She says that I probably have my dates wrong. I tell her that I have a chart to prove it. She tells me that they don't believe in charts. Awesome! Can I pick doctors or what? Anyway, they scheduled a follow-up for a week later and the SAME sonographer was the only person in the room who was surprised that there was no change.

That being said... I've never seen a heartbeat... or anything GOOD on the screen during an U/S! So, having to get one again... I'm not coping well. I coped VERY well with my loss when it happened. Now? Not so much. I'm terrified it could all go the same way again. Differences... I think I still have more going on this time then I did last time. Last time I had heavy spotting/light bleeding around the time that it ended now that I can look back. I don't have much else... That's it really! I wish I had more symptoms... no sickness (which is good and bad)... I think it would make me feel better about things right now if I did get a few more symptoms. But, all I can really say I've noticed is sore boobs (sometimes), needing 10+ hrs of sleep, twinges, an achy left hip and back... had a couple of cravings in the beginning but not much now, had a couple of fleeting symptoms that happened once or twice but not ever again... OH has noticed changes in the way feels and changes to my breasts... I don't know. I just don't have MUCH going on and feel like I should!

For the big first step... I've been looking up hospitals and MW's today! That's HUGE for me! I'm going to take the weekend to research them as much as possible, and then call on Monday to schedule an appointment!

I think I found a hospital I like. I don't know what I think about the MW's yet.

Place: The Baby Place

They support natural births. They are small and not busy... So lots of 1-on-1 attention. You can keep your baby with you 100% of the time basically... even over night. They give you the 1 hours of uninterrupted time with your baby immediately following the birth. They have classes for birthing, breastfeeding, postpartum... all sorts of things. They don't give breastfeeding babies pacifiers... which is almost enough to convince me to breastfeed! LOL The rooms are birthing suites rather than "hospital rooms" and looks more like a home. They have a jacuzzi in 2 of their 3 suites for labor... they don't do water birthing... but I don't really want a water birth... so whatever!

I like the sounds of it a lot!

There are 5 MW's within 20 miles of my zip code that my insurance covers.

One of them works at the office with the doc I hate and was the office that last time said I should go to the ER to find out my blood type and to see if I "miscarriaged" or not. Stupid people! That one's out! LOL

Another works in an office that doesn't support natural births... which SUCKS because she's closest to the hospital I like!

That leaves me with 3. One is male, the other 2 are in the same office. I like the sound of that office from what I've seen on the internet! They seem to want you to believe they care about their patients! I don't know if they do... but they want you to believe they do! LOL

Any advice? Anything? I'll even take stories of "I felt just like you do and everything turned out fine!"

 

[Carmello_01]

Oh hunny, it is a HUGE step you are taking - I remember feeling exactly the same way booking into the hospital and choosing my midwife group for care. I was scared I was tempting fate by making it 'official' and booking in, despite the fact I was /am under excellent care of a wonderful fertility clinic after recurrent mc.

If I can chuck in my two cents (straying a little off topic)...Any place that supports breast feeding is a good start - it sounds like the Baby Place know what they are doing there - too many hospitals chuck you out before breastfeeding is properly established and don't offer a great deal of postpartum support. I figure if you can breastfeed (obviously there are real and legitimate reasons why some women can't), even for a little while then why not? And if you're offered great support with any problems with the feeding along the way then chances for success are hugely increased.

Anyway, boob-feeding aside - it is a fantastic step you are taking, best wishes with finding a midwife

 

[bky]

Looks like the Baby Place is a Baby friendly hospital (as it says on their website there are only 50ish in the whole US). Nearly every place I could give birth around here is a BFH and I don't feel worried about a hospital birth as a result because the BFHI ticks a lot of boxes I'd want on my birth plan anyhow.

As for the midwives, why not interview all the ones under consideration and see if anyone clicks? Even if you can get a list of questions to ask them over the phone.

 

[Megg33k]

Thanks to both of you! The interviewing is a good idea for sure! I'm also going to make sure to tour the Baby Place!

The breastfeeding... I'm still torn. I've seen people I know have a lot of issues with it... everything from it causing the baby tummy issues, to babies not taking well to it, to having a really hard time transitioning to the bottle after, to issues with not wanting to ween the baby... and I wasn't breastfed (adopted, couldn't be) and had no issues. So, I guess I've had a hard time trying to come to the decision to do it. I might take a class on it at the place and see what kind of decision I can make after being better educated about it! I know it only really works out if the mother is comfortable with it... and I want to be sure I will be before making things worse, iykwim?

 

[Carmello_01]

Ooh, a tour would be great! And it is a great idea to interview the midwifes if you can.

And just another quick word on breastfeeding - tummy issues for bubs because of bf'ing are very,very,very rare, and the one thing that formula cannot supply is the huge immune system boost that breastfeeding supplies bubs with. I was lucky enough to be able to bf my son Alex for one year and in that year he didn't have one single case of the sniffles or a tummy bug ( this looks ridiculous and unbelievable when I type it but its true!) It IS tough going and a big commitment, and I worked hard to keep with it but in the end I was sad to give it up. He on the other hand was ready to let it go, and the way we avoided bottle rejection was by my expressing milk and having dad do some of the feeds. This was once feeding was fully established to avoid confusion for him but it was nice to be able to let dad have his turn too!

However, please don't think I'm trying to badger you into my way of thinking, I just wanted to share a good bf'ing story as when you're preggers you tend to get flooded with all the worst case scenarios (some of which have very little grounding in the truth especially on ye olde internet) and not a lot of positive.

ANYWAY, I'm officially a filthy thread hijacker and I apologise! best of luck with your booking in journey!

 

[Megg33k]

You're not a filthy thread hijacker! LOL I appreciate it! I think I've all but decided that if I do choose to breastfeed, it would be entirely through expressed milk. That would avoid bottle rejection all together. Its a lot to think about, for sure. Luckily, most of my family supports me 100% either way. Only 1 person seems to think I'm a borderline awful person if I don't! LOL But I don't pay it much mind! It'll be entirely my choice when the time comes... and I like to think I'm making it in a way that I'll be as informed as possible to make the best choice for my family!