:( Scared to tell 7 year old about baby.. please help :(

[tinnkx]

Hi there, I had a terrible experience not so long ago with my 7 year old Son. Myself and my husband (who is not my Son's biological father, we have been together for 4 years though and my Son still see's his Dad)

Anyway, myself and my partner decided to try for another baby, my Son seemed excited by this, he already has a 2 year old brother and it was all fine.. UNTIL..

My Son one morning walked in on me and hubby 'trying' for a baby.. He shouted and screamed and it really REALLy upset him. I had a similar experience when I was his age but kept it to myself so knew the feelings of anger and confusion and hurt that he was having. It broke my heart. I quickly told him to hug me, it may sound silly but I knew he needed to make contact with me or it would have put a barrier inbetween us. We spoke about it in great depth I explained EVERYTHING and told him that what mummy and his stepdad were doing 'isnt' wrong but its not something for children to see.. I explained that its what happens when you love someone and that its how you make babies too.. He seemed ok and better. Anyway the following day I picked him up from school, he ran straight passed me and screamed. We went for a walk, he was so so angry and again hurt. He said he wanted to shout at me and told me to NEVER do it again. I told him I couldnt promise him that as its what 'adults' do and its how babies are made, i explained again everything and the birds and the bee's - my heart was torn in to.. my beautiful son had lost his innocence because of ME because of what I had done

Time has got better, i told him that whenever he has that 'angry ' feeling he needs to come to me and we'll have a cuddle, i told him that if he needs to shout then thats ok, its confusing and its ok to feel the way he does.

I have spoken with friends who have had this happen but not one of there children reacted like mine did, they either laughed or just walked out and nothing more was said.. but my Son was truly hurt.

So, as you can understand now, i'm scared of telling him. His friend the other day asked if he wanted another brother or sister one day and he said 'i dunno' and changed the subject.. the question is no longer innocent, now when he's asked that he knows how babies come along so its giving concent in a way for it to happen if he says he wants another sibling..

Im scared and would love some advice on how to go about telling him when we get to the safe 3 month stage...

thank you so much for reading.. xxx

 

[Waitress]

Hi there,

I just saw this and noted that a lot of people have read it and not replied - and I didn't want to be another!

i really feel for you - I can imagine how you must be feeling and you articulate everything so well.

Firstly, I think you will have to try and find a way to stop blaming yourself. You weren't doing anything wrong - children hear and see things we wouldn't neccessarily want them to all the time. I understand you just want to protect him but it sounds to me the way you are handling it with him is just perfect - you just need to go easy on yourself.

I walked in on my parents when I was 8 and I didn't say anything but it bothered me. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to do that and I thought it was weird. When I got to about 14 and realised it was a good thing my whole perspective on sex changed. I recently told my mum about walking in on her and I honestly wished I hadn't - its way harder on the mums to deal with!

I don't need the details but I imagine he saw someone who wasn't his daddy doing things to his mummy?! That can be hard for a boy to take - especially since you two will have an extra special bond after the breakup of your previous relationship.

Your son will bounce back from this. If you ensure things stay as normal as possible and just deal with things as they arise I am sure they will arise less often. I read what you wrote and thought "She handled that REALLY well". I think you know whats best for him, you're his mum. And he's a lucky boy!

I hope your OH is ok too!

Just as a last thing to try and make you smile, my OH and I were BD'ng and afterwards we realised we were being watched by the dog - my OH has never gotten over it!

 

[Waitress]

Just realised I didn't answer your question about how to tell him - sorry!

I would reference the night he saw you since you explained about that being how adults made babies and tell him that you made a baby and are very happy about it and that he is going to be a big brother again and will have a very special job to do. He can ask any questions he may still have and you can show him its all good news and you are very happy about it because children such as him are a gift. I think you'll find a great way to tell him - it will be better than you fear.

Good luck with your pregnancy xx

 

[new_to_ttc]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

My son is 7yrs and i saw the title and hoped i'd be able to share my experience, but obviously this is something a lot more. I agree with waitress you seem to have handled this really well, Im honestly not sure what i would have managed in this situation. I think keeping the openness and talking, coupled with time is the only thing that will work here. have you looked for a birds and bee's story aimed at that age group, maybe something on line, so he can see that its how ALL grown ups in love make a baby and share their special love. Whats yours and his relationship like with his dad? Or OH.. maybe a man talk would help? i really hope this settles down for you so as a family you can all enjoy this pregnancy. he will come round to the idea hun, he certainly seemed excited before he knew how it all happened. Sorry Im not helping xxxx

 

[tinnkx]

Thank you both SO SO much! - It did make me worry when no one replied I thought people may have felt bad toward me, but 'sigh' of relief to read your replies!! and to read that you think I handled it well has made me well up (maybe its hormones!!) but seriously, thank you both xxx

I'm going to wait until im 3 months (which is another 6 weeks away!) If I possibly can, until we tell him, your right I will think of something and the best thing I can do is be completely honest with him, and not forget the hug either! hugs are important!!

Waitress, like you I walked in on my Mum, heard my Mum, urgh - Mum never knew, and it was with an ex of hers that I didnt particularly like, I think I was around the age of 8 too.. I kept it to myself and only when this happened with my Son, did I tell her that it happened to me, she looked mortified, I guess telling her the way i did i.e 'It happened to me and I promised myself i'd never let that happen to my children because it messes your head up'.. well I guess that wasnt the best way to word it lol!! - but anyway she didnt know, and I feel that, because my Son DID react and I reacted on his reaction.. well at least its 'out' and hes not keeping it pent up inside...

Aaaanyway, thank you again so much its made me feel so much better.. lots of love to you both!!

 

[new_to_ttc]

When i told my son it was at the 12 week scan so he could see 'it'. I had the sonographer check all was ok obviously, and then had Joshua brought in to me and I was able to tell him that there was a baby in my tummy so he was a big brother and did he want to see it growing and wriggly. Im not sure if it'll work the same for you, you might want to be less direct but I dived right in and then he asked all the questions he wanted to ask (for days lol) and I just answered them as I could.

All the best, I really hope it works out quickly xxx

 

[moomin_troll]

i dont have any advice, i saw the title and thought id read n maybe have something to add as i was 7 when my mum had my little sister who had a different dad to me.

i also heard them have sex but it really didnt bother me, ur sons reaction seems very over the top and maybe he just doesnt want to share u so is trying to come between u in some way....i duno.

maybe tell him byt urself and take him along to ur first scan so he feels apart of it