Seems like cold feet.. I need advice please ladies!!

[Kellysheree]

Well firstly I'll start by saying I've two children 11 and 8 to my late fiancé. He passed away 7 years ago in a horrible car accident.

About a year ago I met someone (never thought i would be up for it). I always thought he was a good guy and when I told him I was pregnant he was excited.. Never mentioned termination.

Anyway, I'm now 13 weeks along and for the past week he has been acting so cold and distant. I have no idea how to handle this or what to do about it.. I'm worried he is having cold feet and isn't interested in being around any more!! 😔

Any advice??

 

[ciz]

Firstly sorry to hear about your late fiancé passing. :bighugs:

I think it's little difficult for men during the early part of pregnancy. I remember being pregnant with our first and feeling lonely. I didn't feel he was interested but I spoke to him and he said that he was excited about it all but didn't know what he was meant to be doing and because I was able to feel the baby I could get excited easier.

I would have a chat to see how's hes feeling.let him know how you are feeling. If its his first could he feeling overwhelmed?

 

[Qmama79]

My OH never bonds with my pregnant belly. Didn't do it with the first & not with this one. I must say he's an awesome father to our 3 yr old, but looks at me as if I'm an alien...

Talk to him.

 

[1nceUponATime]

Aw I'm sorry for your loss Hun. I bet you your OH is just going through his "man feelings" as I would like to call them. He's prob just thinking about the responsibility and such and maybe it's giving him anxiety. My DH wants kids, he wants to be a father.... But he always tells me he's afraid of being a bad one (which is impossible because he's amazing)... So they definitely go through emotions too even when they don't want us to know. Maybe ask him what he's thinking, even if he has reservations about it. I bet you he will come round soon!

 

[MummaMoo]

It's hard for the men because they're not feeling anything, and when you're going through the grotty stage, they can feel a bit helpless too, and with my fella it didn't seem real to him until he saw the baby bouncing around on the first scan.
I bought him a book so he could read though what was happening stage by stage - it was written by a dad to be and full of bloke humour. That really helped him. Maybe you could get him a copy - but talk to him, and involve him in much as you can.

 

[Kellysheree]

Thank you for your kind words ladies..

I had a chat to him and it's so much worse than I expected.
He suffers from depression, and is saying that he feels like this baby is making his depression worse. That he doesn't think he can do this and he isn't ready for it. He is worried about the reaction from his family, especially his brother who is struggling to conceive with his wife.

And that the whole situation sucks.

I can't believe the 180 he has done!! In no less than a couple of days he has gone from being amazingly supportive and loving to freaking out so much worse than I could ever of imagined.

This is heart breaking to say the least.

 

[MummaMoo]

I think everyone has the "I don't think I can do this" thoughts running through their heads at some stage. I don't know what else to say really, I hope he comes through it soon.
I can understand him being concerned about his brother and sister in law struggling to conceive, but he can't not father a child just so he doesn't upset them. Hope that doesn't sound too cold.

 

[Kellysheree]

No it doesn't sound cold at all.. It's completely true.

He is so unsure of what he wants and it's truely so hurtful. I told him he has a month to get some help and work it all out in his head what he wants, I also told him having cold feet is completely normal.
But if I'm going to be raising this baby alone I need to know so I can mentally prepare myself.

I'm devastated.

 

[MummaMoo]