self settling

[Pyrrhic]

From Niamh being 6 weeks old, my family have been giving me grief over the fact that Niamh won't self settle, and that I am spoiling her and need to let her CIO.

Now I always thought that babies only learnt how to self settle from about 10 weeks onwards? I hate CIO tbh and will only leave her if she is just doing overtired whimpers.

Am I in the wrong? I now don't want to leave her with anyone, because everytime I go out and leave her with family I come back to be told that she wouldn't stop screaming. She hardly ever cries for me (I mean proper crying, not squealing and whimpering), let alone screams, so I feel absolutely awful I've left her in that situation and no one has phoned me. I don't like the thought of people leaving her to CIO either, but my family think by not letting her CIO I'm spoiling her and she now won't settle for anyone but me (which at her age I think is simply not true)

I BF too, so maybe part of it is that she wants the comfort of BFing.

Should babies be able to settle by 8 weeks like my family say? Or do babies this age still need their Mums comfort?

 

[Sovereign]

Personally I think she still needs comforting and I think you should do what you think because you know best - you're her mummy. x

 

[1st_baby]

Theres no way an 8 week old will self settle itself ..a baby that young needs its mother ..I can tell you my son started to self settle him self when he could put the dummy back in his mouth which was at 5 months old ,

 

[Pyrrhic]

Thanks guys. Teaching a 6 week old to self settle seems ridiculous to me. I mean, Nimah sleeps through the night and has a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. I personally think that is fantastic. I'm sick to death of family telling me I'm spoiling her. I just don't think that at her age she's crying for attention.

 

[1st_baby]

Trust me family will always try to make you do things lol there just pains that way ..ive learned to ignore them and just nod my head at them

 

[sam#3]

I personally dont think theres any such thing as spoiling a baby especially when theyre as young as that, and the fact that she sleeps through the night is fantastic, there doesnt seem to be anything wrong to me x

 

[Pyrrhic]

Problem is though, I can't leave her with anyone now as I know they will just leave her crying and screaming in her basket She only ever cries if she needs something like winding or feeding and I can't bear the thought of her lying in pain because she's windy and no one will listen to her because they want her to CIO. Every time I try to tell them she's only 8 weeks and doesn't cry for attention I get 'well I raised x number of children and know what I'm doing more than you do!'. I even had a MW tell them, but they still won't listen.

 

[Pyrrhic]

They also like pointing out that Niamh should be sleeping in her cot by now. Ok, she could be if I wanted her to - but I don't! I get asked every single day by different family members when I'm going to stop spoiling her and put her in a cot and start letting her CIO.

Arrrrgh

 

[Vickie]

Agree with the others. Hannah didn't learn any self settling until 3.5 months onwards and even at night she only very recently started settling herself back to sleep. I think you are doing fantastic to have her sleep through the night and a 2 hour nap during the day. Sod what others think

 

[Samantha675]

Brenn is 9 months old and doesn't self settle.

 

[brownhairedmom]

Renah's 3 months + 1 week and doesn't settle herself. When did they raise their kids? 20 years ago? Can you remember things from 20 years ago? Cause I can't.

 

[Chel]

I started to allow Jasper to self settle from about 8 weeks on, up until then I was rocking/singing him to sleep for every sleep time. I was ending up a total mess in the end, as some nights it would take up to 3 hours to get him to sleep and stay asleep!

For the last 4 weeks he's been fully self settling, and I keep saying to my OH how much of a relief it is, how much pressure is taken off me and just how much nicer our day is.

Since Jasper's been self settling he settles in about 1/6 of the time. The difference is, when I rocked him for 30 minutes he wouldn't cry, he'd gaze up at me lovingly while I rocked him back and forth, singing all the lullabys and soft songs I could think of. There isn't a second that I regret doing that, it was a beautiful and magic time, it was bonding time, it was settling in time, I know that I gave Jasper the confidence in my love that he needs for the rest of his life.

Now, he cries for 5 minutes pretty much every single time he goes down... sometimes its a shouting protest as I'm wrapping him up and putting him to bed, but he does usually have a little shout.

I guess, the cry changed as well, and that made it easier. It was less of a desperate wailing "ah-wa ah-wa" cry and much more like an upset shout... a bit more tantruming... I dont know... it was different, it felt different. Even still if he crys and it sounds desperate, I'll go to him straight away.

Ultimately you know your baby and you know her needs and your family 'think' they know whats best for you and for her, but you're the only one who knows.

Its also ridiculas that your spoiling her, Jasper is 3 months old and he's just cottoned onto the fact that he can get different reactions from me... so at 8 weeks, she's jut behaving on her instinct and feelings.

Personally I recommend allowing a baby to self settle and its really hard thing to do and it broke my heart in the beginning, I kept second guessing myself, BUT I did it because it felt right to me, nobody could have possibly made me do it, and when I was being told to do it before we were ready I wouldn't listen. You'll know when is 'right', but... it'll probably never feel 'good' at first!

 

[oOKayOo]

Ella self settled at 9 weeks so it can be done. But seriously do what YOU think is best. If you dont want to dont.
You will know when the time is right to start trying to get LO to self settle. There is no rush sweet Enjoy the closeness after all they do grow fast!

 

[malpal]

You can tell the diffrence in the crys as you have said. A whimper is different to real sobbing. I personally couldn't leave my baby sobbing away left to CIO and i would feel the same as you about not wanting to leave her. My mum gave me one piece of advice on the day Lexie was born, she said no matter what anyone says mummy knows best and follow your instincts.
Since then she only had to try and tell me about in her day when all feeds were made up in the morning..etc... i just reminded her about her advice. She soon stopped! Sometimes people just can't help themselves.
I say cuddle away because they won't stay babies for long! XX

 

[princess_bump]

maddi has always been one to get herself to sleep, though i would never and have never let her CIO. i completely agree with you honey, you no whats best. i too wouldn't be able to go out knowing my LO was CIO, i think your family have to listen to u, YOU ARE HER MUM!!

 

[Pyrrhic]

Thanks girls, that makes me feel so much better

I think if Nimah had sleep issues then now is the time where I would try to start self settling her. Certainly not rfom 6 weeks though, and I certainly wouldn't expect her to be able to do it on her own now.

 

[nessajane]

Before now we've let tyler self settle.

One night he just wouldnt settle in his moses basket so we would be back and fourth picking him up, and he would stop crying when we picked him up and as soon as we put him down he'd start again.

This happened for an hour or two and we got so frustrated in the end we let him cry it out for 5 mins and he fell asleep within that 5 mins!!

I hated let him CIO and wouldnt of done it if my OH hadnt been there, i would of caved in!!

Dont let family tell you what to do hun you do with what you feel comfortable doing xx

 

[clairebear]

Jack has never CIO. He is one of those babies that only crys for a reason. He sleeps well and is a happy chappy.

dont let them make you think you are spoiling her as your not. she is your baby you do what is right for you both x

 

[lollylou1]

im really sorry to invade this thread but how do you actually go about letting them self settle do you just completely leave them or do you keep going back etc not sure what you need to do

Lou
xxx

 

[Zarababy1]

charlies 8 months old and he still needs me to settle him, ur right hun do wat u want shes ur baby!