Zoe And Bump
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- Aug 4, 2011
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Hi all,
In a bit of a situation here which has been gradually bothering me more over the last few weeks and I wonder if anyone has been in the same place and can offer any advice or words of wisdom.
I have been at my place of work for almost 6 years and we're expecting our first baby. We had a new employee start in our small office last August. She is 10 years younger than me at 22 and sadly in the April of last year her unborn baby boy was poorly and she had to make the traumatic decision to give him wings at 6 months into her pregnancy. He was suffering with a hernia and she and her husband were told he would not survive for too long had she delivered naturally full term. We became very close when she started work, and offered advice to eachother, me to her having experienced a loss (early even so) many moons ago and her to me on my journey of TTC. She did not have any counselling for her loss and has dealt with things by blocking them out as far as I can tell.
I have helped her with many things from helping her write letters for personal legal things and even got her husband a job with my other half when he was made redundant 3 months ago. I considered her a close friend at this stage.
The day I found out we were pregnant I told her face to face, it was a pact we had made when she discovered we were trying. She said she would like to know as soon as possible. She was so happy for me at the time.
When we went to our 12 week scan she was so excited to see the picture. She returned to her home country for a holiday and bought me some baby gifts back which were beautiful.
I have always been very cautious about how she may feel and have tried so hard to only mention the baby had she or anyone else in the office asked. I worked for a small company and someone only has to fart and you can hear it!!!
2 weeks before our 20 week scan a customer asked how things were, I mentioned that we were almost half way there and we were hoping to find out what sex the baby was. After the customer had left, she angrily told me that she no longer wants to hear about my baby, she doesn't want to hear about the scan, if I want to talk about it can I please ask her to leave the room. She casually added onto the end of her requests that she hopes I do not have a boy as she would not be able to deal with it. Gobsmacked I said nothing, but weeks on I really wish I had.
To make matters worse, she is covering my duties while I am on maternity leave and from now until Christmas we will be working very closely while I train her. I feel guilty for the bump that is emerging and I am even at the stage where I try not to stand up while she is in the room so that she doesn't see it!!!
It's now been 5 weeks since I have mentioned anything pregnancy or baby related while she is present and give my colleagues 1 or 2 word answers when they ask how things are progressing. She has continued chatting happily away about her life and has even asked if I can help her out with another personal legal issue (she isn't able to write letters too well in English).
My boss is fully aware of the situation and while he thinks that what she has asked is unreasonable he has obviously asked me to be aware of her feelings (which I always have been).
I cannot begin to imagine how she dealt with what she went through, it was so so tragic and sad. But I do know how it feels when there are bumps and babies everywhere when you are struggling to have one. When my best friend was pregnant it cut through me like a knife but I supported her, even threw her a baby shower and was godmother to her newborn. It hurt and I cried a lot at home, but not once would I have ever asked her to not talk about him or asked her to hide her happiness.
I'm now at the stage where I feel anger towards her and almost guilt for feeling like I have to pretend that I'm not pregnant at work and ignore the little bundle of bump jumping around in my tummy.
We have found out that we are expecting a boy and I just don't know how to deal with this......I am planning on returning to work after my 39 weeks maternity leave......should I still be expected to not talk about baby when I return? We work a 40 hour week and are constantly in the same office.
Is she being unreasonable? Am I wrong to feel so angry? I just don't know what to do. Half of me wants to take her to one side and tell her how sorry I am for her but that she cannot expect me to hide the fact that I am going through to most important part of my life so far.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated as at the moment I am boiling over with all kinds of emotions over this.
(Sorry for the essay)
xx
In a bit of a situation here which has been gradually bothering me more over the last few weeks and I wonder if anyone has been in the same place and can offer any advice or words of wisdom.
I have been at my place of work for almost 6 years and we're expecting our first baby. We had a new employee start in our small office last August. She is 10 years younger than me at 22 and sadly in the April of last year her unborn baby boy was poorly and she had to make the traumatic decision to give him wings at 6 months into her pregnancy. He was suffering with a hernia and she and her husband were told he would not survive for too long had she delivered naturally full term. We became very close when she started work, and offered advice to eachother, me to her having experienced a loss (early even so) many moons ago and her to me on my journey of TTC. She did not have any counselling for her loss and has dealt with things by blocking them out as far as I can tell.
I have helped her with many things from helping her write letters for personal legal things and even got her husband a job with my other half when he was made redundant 3 months ago. I considered her a close friend at this stage.
The day I found out we were pregnant I told her face to face, it was a pact we had made when she discovered we were trying. She said she would like to know as soon as possible. She was so happy for me at the time.
When we went to our 12 week scan she was so excited to see the picture. She returned to her home country for a holiday and bought me some baby gifts back which were beautiful.
I have always been very cautious about how she may feel and have tried so hard to only mention the baby had she or anyone else in the office asked. I worked for a small company and someone only has to fart and you can hear it!!!
2 weeks before our 20 week scan a customer asked how things were, I mentioned that we were almost half way there and we were hoping to find out what sex the baby was. After the customer had left, she angrily told me that she no longer wants to hear about my baby, she doesn't want to hear about the scan, if I want to talk about it can I please ask her to leave the room. She casually added onto the end of her requests that she hopes I do not have a boy as she would not be able to deal with it. Gobsmacked I said nothing, but weeks on I really wish I had.
To make matters worse, she is covering my duties while I am on maternity leave and from now until Christmas we will be working very closely while I train her. I feel guilty for the bump that is emerging and I am even at the stage where I try not to stand up while she is in the room so that she doesn't see it!!!
It's now been 5 weeks since I have mentioned anything pregnancy or baby related while she is present and give my colleagues 1 or 2 word answers when they ask how things are progressing. She has continued chatting happily away about her life and has even asked if I can help her out with another personal legal issue (she isn't able to write letters too well in English).
My boss is fully aware of the situation and while he thinks that what she has asked is unreasonable he has obviously asked me to be aware of her feelings (which I always have been).
I cannot begin to imagine how she dealt with what she went through, it was so so tragic and sad. But I do know how it feels when there are bumps and babies everywhere when you are struggling to have one. When my best friend was pregnant it cut through me like a knife but I supported her, even threw her a baby shower and was godmother to her newborn. It hurt and I cried a lot at home, but not once would I have ever asked her to not talk about him or asked her to hide her happiness.
I'm now at the stage where I feel anger towards her and almost guilt for feeling like I have to pretend that I'm not pregnant at work and ignore the little bundle of bump jumping around in my tummy.
We have found out that we are expecting a boy and I just don't know how to deal with this......I am planning on returning to work after my 39 weeks maternity leave......should I still be expected to not talk about baby when I return? We work a 40 hour week and are constantly in the same office.
Is she being unreasonable? Am I wrong to feel so angry? I just don't know what to do. Half of me wants to take her to one side and tell her how sorry I am for her but that she cannot expect me to hide the fact that I am going through to most important part of my life so far.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated as at the moment I am boiling over with all kinds of emotions over this.
(Sorry for the essay)
xx
). i would say that your co-worker needs some healing time. she needs a friend, even if she can't express herself well right now. when she can see past the pain of her loss, i'm sure she can celebrate the joy of your child. be kind to her, she's experiencing some crazy heartache right now 
