Seperated parents - visitation - bit of a rant!

[scuffer]

My eldest son is 12 in January and loves going to visit his Dad, we always make an effort to get him most of the way there as we've moved away from the area he lives due to work. We try and combine it with a visit to family or something, it's about a 4 hour drive as we're in Yorkshire and his Dad's on the south coast.

We were due to go down yesterday, were going to drop him off then stay with my Mum for a few days, then bring him home again, so no effort from his Dad.

Anyway, I've had flu and am still not quite better so we didn't go, my son is understandably uposet, especially as he hasn't seen his Dad since the summer as he didn't go down at half term (he chose to stay home and do things with friend's, knowing he'd see his Dad at Christmas). I've tried making some last minute arrangements to get him half way by him getting the train with a friend who is getting the train to London and for his Dad to meet him. But he just won't make that effort. He also let it slip that he's concerned that when he spoke to our son earlier he sounded like he had a chesty cough, and he doesn't want the germs going down to them! I explained that he'd been poorly a week or so ago and it was just a little cough but he wouldn't budge.

It just makes me so cross, if it was the other way round I would have driven up and got him by now. How can he not miss him enough to make that effort? I try not to let my son know how angry I get with his Dad, hence coming here to rant.

I'm still feeling quite poorly and maybe I'm being unreasonable but I just think that sometimes you have to make adjustments and last minute changes to arrangements when you have children.

 

[Mom23monkies]

I dont beleive your being unreasonable at all.
I have full cusotdy of my children and thier dad has nothing.
He quit trying shortly after I moved here 2 1/2 years ago.
Part of me is just angry that he dosnt care about his children and another part of me is some what releived that he is writing himself out and I dont have to deal with it at all
the kids have quit asking to call him and i dont think my youngest even remembers him much to be honest
He quit paying any form of child support makign the trip impossible (its a 5-6 hour drive from here to there)

 

[scuffer]

Hiya,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I just don't understand some Dad's and how little being apart from their children seems to matter to them. It must be hard going for you not having any support from their Dad. The children should understand as they get older, maybe they'll have some sort of relationship with him in years to come but they'll always know it was you who provided the love and care.

The rant towards my ex seems to have worked somewhat, he's coming up tomorrow with his father to take my son home for a few days, we're going to meet him halfway at the weekend to get him back. I'm annoyed he's left it until he feels he won't catch anything from him, he really has no idea what it's like getting constant colds from children, not to mention nits!!

 

[tallybee]

I am sorry to hear these situations. Exes are truly hard work. All the best

 

[Mom23monkies]

Hiya,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I just don't understand some Dad's and how little being apart from their children seems to matter to them. It must be hard going for you not having any support from their Dad. The children should understand as they get older, maybe they'll have some sort of relationship with him in years to come but they'll always know it was you who provided the love and care.

The rant towards my ex seems to have worked somewhat, he's coming up tomorrow with his father to take my son home for a few days, we're going to meet him halfway at the weekend to get him back. I'm annoyed he's left it until he feels he won't catch anything from him, he really has no idea what it's like getting constant colds from children, not to mention nits!!

OMG hahaha I laugh at this because
well
I am dealing with lice RIGHT NOW hahahaha
I am blessed with a DH who loves my kids and takes care of them.
He has caught coutless colds flus and stomach viruses from living with us (not to mention nits haha)
The important thing is that we know how wonderful our children are and make sure that they know it
good luck

 

[scuffer]

Hiya,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation, I just don't understand some Dad's and how little being apart from their children seems to matter to them. It must be hard going for you not having any support from their Dad. The children should understand as they get older, maybe they'll have some sort of relationship with him in years to come but they'll always know it was you who provided the love and care.

The rant towards my ex seems to have worked somewhat, he's coming up tomorrow with his father to take my son home for a few days, we're going to meet him halfway at the weekend to get him back. I'm annoyed he's left it until he feels he won't catch anything from him, he really has no idea what it's like getting constant colds from children, not to mention nits!!

OMG hahaha I laugh at this because
well
I am dealing with lice RIGHT NOW hahahaha
I am blessed with a DH who loves my kids and takes care of them.
He has caught coutless colds flus and stomach viruses from living with us (not to mention nits haha)
The important thing is that we know how wonderful our children are and make sure that they know it
good luck

Oh the joy of nits!

I have a similarly lovely man who treats my children as his own and sometimes seems too good to be true.

 

[Mom23monkies]

Well then we both have really good men in our lives
So we need to tranqualize them and lock them up so they dont leave!!!
Ohhh
what I meant to say was
We need to make sure they know they are loved and appreciated!

Sorry I am a bit twisted
But MOSTLY harmless lol

 

[tallybee]

LOL my man is like that too, treats my children as his own, sometimes seems like I'll wake up from this! My ex is a total arse though and so is OH's. We have to deal with a lot with them.
As far as I am concerned the absent parent needs to make the effort if they want to see the child(ren), as the ones who the children live with are the ones making the effort every single day
xxx

 

[scuffer]

Thanks Tallybee, I think you're right, they should make the effort, but the difference is I think it's the parent who has them all the time that doesn't want to see their child heartbroken!

He's now gone to his Dad's for a few days, I'm sure he's having a lovely time!

 

[tallybee]

Thanks Tallybee, I think you're right, they should make the effort, but the difference is I think it's the parent who has them all the time that doesn't want to see their child heartbroken!

He's now gone to his Dad's for a few days, I'm sure he's having a lovely time!

I know hon, my heart has been shattered as much as the LOs when they've been messed about by stupid sperm father. All we can do is give them our love and be there for them

 

[scuffer]

Thanks Tallybee, I think you're right, they should make the effort, but the difference is I think it's the parent who has them all the time that doesn't want to see their child heartbroken!

He's now gone to his Dad's for a few days, I'm sure he's having a lovely time!

I know hon, my heart has been shattered as much as the LOs when they've been messed about by stupid sperm father. All we can do is give them our love and be there for them

Thanks for the BIG laugh with the great sperm father comment, love it! Happy new year x

 

[tallybee]

Glad you liked that comment

As far as we are concerned OH is the childrens' REAL dad. The guy who provided sperm and then buggered off does not deserve that name. I know everyone's situations are different but that's how it is for us. They give up their rights when they give up their responsibilities imo. It's obv different if they actually fulfill their role as a father but so many don't... We have given up bending over backwards to make sure visitation happens... it does break my heart for the little ones but we are there for them and that's what matters

 

[jbarefield74]

woaw.... you'd better bring back your marriage...