Severely depressed! How do you cope?

[frustrated20]

We have been TTC for a year and a half now and NTNP for 3 years with absolutely no success. I have never seen a positive pregnancy test. All of my tests have come back normal except for my husbands SA which was on the low side. I have done 2 rounds of clomid, 3 rounds of Femara, 1 Femara/IUI and 1 gonal F/IUI. My doctor said IUIs are pointless because of my husbands SA, and told me to come back to him when we can afford ivf which will probably be around Christmas.

I am severely depressed because of this. I think about TTC day and night and I can't get my mind off of it. Seeing pregnant people and babies make me cry hysterically. I want to be happy again. This is taking over my life. How do you ladies cope? Does it ever get easier?

 

[Moorebetter]

I started acupunture its really helped a ton! and also went to talk to a lady a counsler about my feelings, since then I feel 10x better!! gl!

 

[CherryChops]

Hi there,

I can really sympathise - I am having one of these days today. It feels like my life is standing still whilst everyone else's is moving on, having babies etc. Hubby and I have been TTC for a year and half now and I am currently on my 5th round of Clomid. Losing hope that it will work and want to try the next thing TBH - I am also saving to go private to try and speed things up.

It is really tough though and I think you have to accept that you will have up days and down days and really try to take care of yourself on down days e.g. watch fav film, have a glass of wine (although maybe not too much ) etc.

One thing that really helped me was a book called 'So Close' by Tertia Albertyn. She explained everything she went though in undertaking fertility treatments in a really humourous way and gives really good advice about how to deal with everything related to the fertility treatment. Maybe you could read up on this whilst you are working on your savings.

Wish you all the best!

 

[Armywife84]

Honestly, it doesn't get any better. It only gets harder as the months, even years, go by.
Especially when everyone else around you is on their 2nd child, and you still have yet to get your first....And when you're the only left who has yet to give your in-laws grandchildren.

Eventually, you'll become numb to the pain IF causes.

I went and saw a therapist to get feelings out verbally and try to find a solution for my depression. Some days I can set IF aside and go on about my day. Other days it's a struggle and I don't even want to leave the house I'm such an emotional wreck.

I'd distract yourself with hobbies, even your career. Sometimes (I know this can be hard) you have to lessen the focus on LTTC, to give your mentality and emotions a break.

 

[Boston07]

I think it is important to keep doing the things that make you feel like you! For me, this is playing with my dogs, working out with my friends, spending time in Maine with my husband and maintaining relationships with the children in my life - I have 7 nieces and nephews. It is too easy to lose all of this stuff in the all consuming TTC effort. From the beginning, I have worked to keep my life full outside of this and I am glad because it has been a way longer road than I expected.

 

[we can't wait]

It took us two years to conceive our first LO... and I would love to be able to tell you that it gets easier, but it really doesn't. Infertility hurts. It always hurts. Even once you finally get that BFP, you still have to face the issue of infertility (should you be planning more children, etc). We cope by trying to stay positive. Some days it is really, really hard. You just have to keep your head up and believe that your miracle will come someday.

I know it isn't comforting at all. Just be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to feel all of the emotions that come along with infertility. Good luck!

 

[smallstar]

Ladies, i need some advice.....just sort of honing in on the whole "depression" thing.....i have not ever been clinically diagnosed with depression but feel inside i have been at various stages in my life (if that makes sense!)
Im not talking about the just having a bad day feeling, i mean LOW....
For the past fortnight i have felt not quite right i find everything a struggle gradually getting worse and worse....i get up in the morning and just count down the time for me to be able to get back home to bed!!!! I have practically completely distanced myself from any "human" interaction....find myself just wanting to be by myself and since Sunday have just kept crying at times uncontrollably at im not even sure what!!!! I feel like i have hit a wall, the size of the great wall of China...and i cannot get through....my OH is worried but is also like with so many things finds it easier to live in a bubble and detach himself from reality (Its his coping mechanism!)

No one know about our IF struggle and i want to keep it that way....so i only get to really say how i feel to you ladies on here... i just suppose i dont know what to do!?!?
Do i go to the doctors? I just feel like i might snap out of this eventually and am i just going through a bad patch but i genuinely feel so unhappy in my life right now and even focusing in all the positives i can conjure up isn’t helping anymore....

I have to visit my friend on Saturday who has just found out she is pregnant and i just know i will not be able to talk about the pregnancy even typing the word makes my heart sink

Sorry for crashing and my rambling but just would appreciate any advice you ladies could offer me...feel at a loss and loneliness in this whole IF is the worst thing
x

 

[CherryChops]

Smallstar, I would say definately keep coming to these forums if you feel you can't talk to anyone else. Perhaps even try therapy if you feel that may help - the doctors would be a good place to start to find out what is in your area. I can't say that I have gone down this route yet, but I do have some really good friends that will listen to me talk about what I am going through and even cry with me sometimes! I'm sure your friends would do the same for you if you did want to tell them. Even though they may not understand, if they are good friends they will try. It also means that you may also get spared the 'happy news' conversation sometimes too. My husband is also the strong , silent type so being able to talk others really helps.

Do you have any other interests or hobbies that you could take up? Being really busy helps I think, coz it gives you less time to think about things and go into that horrible spiral of being low.

Anyway, hope that helps - I know that the only thing that will really help us all is that BFP with baby at the end of it but until then, life's got to go on.
x

 

[Sarah27]

Big hugs it is such a very hard and turbulent time trying to get pg when you reallly really want to... I never struggled to get pg.. until my son was sb in 2010, making our rainbow baby was the hardest thing we ever did! The month before I got a bfp I was told I was in prem ovarian failure and it was very unlikely that I would fall pg! And you know what did it for me... I found something else to occupy my mind with and wham bam I ended up pg! I remember telling my husband that it was taking over my life and I needed something hopeful and positive to focus on rather than making a baby, so I planned a wedding instead and we got married!
Don't give up!!!!! And get a new hobby! ) Good luck....

 

[Sarah27]

Hugs smallstar... you sound like you need them :O( I know its so hard with the struggle of getting pg, even more so when you have "friends with pg announcements" I know I was a bit of a nutter and point blank refused to be around my pg friends..and literally called everyone every name under the sun if I found out they were pg! Its such a hard struggle esp when it appears that everyone else seems to get that successful BFP...

Try not to lose hope sweetheart, well see my above post.. I got the ovarian failure news and ended up pg too so don't give up but don't let it consume you to this point of helplessness... Keep talking hun on here if it helps...... x