Sex...Help!! TMI

[chelsnblake]

My husband & I haven't had success trying to have sex since our son was born almost 4 months ago. I had second degree tearing, a week post partum my stitches all tore and I didn't heal very well.
Now when trying to have sex it is unbelievably painful, still after 4 months! He can't get all the way in as it hurts too bad. The area that hurts the most is my urethra and just below that. After trying to have sex, going pee burns so bad it feels like I've had more tearing.
I don't know what to do, I feel terrible for my husband, I miss that connection with him but I'm just so scared to keep trying and be in more pain.
Help please!

 

[kirstybumx3]

I can only suggest going to see your doctor and speaking about it. I think 4 months may still be quite early on the recovery part but ikwym about feeling awful for your husband (and yourself of course)
Hopefully it'll get better for you soon, the doctor may be able to suggest something x

 

[Cariad_x]

Like PP said I'd maybe see your GP if you feel your stitches are tearing - my mw advised me to wait 6 weeks post birth because at that time my 2nd degree tear would have had sufficient time to heal. I'd maybe get tested for a UTI just incase if your urethra is hurting you and it's painful to pass water.

If you'd rather not I suggest purchasing some lubricant and going slow. It may be now that you're expecting pain and are therefore subconsciously tensing up which is making it a bit more difficult. I know what you mean about feeling awful though - we have a very physical relationship and I still struggle with the lack of time and energy we have compared to how we used to be.

I hope everything gets sorted for you soon.

 

[tristansmum]

4 months is early still. I had second degree tear although it healed fine. First tried sex at 8 weeks but had to stop cause it hurt too much. At 4 months it still hurt on penetration and afterwards the whole area felt heavy and sore. I think 6 months it first stopped hurting. Now at 11 months it's fine asking as I'm relaxed (tensing up anticipating pain is the worst) and well lubricated but I still get nervous. I'd suggest a lubricant next time and perhaps a trip to the practice nurse or gp to ask them to check all is ok. I had s smear at 7 months and knowing everything looks completely normal really helped.

 

[PresqueVu]

Our first proper attempt three months post birth had me in tears - I think you've still got some healing to do from the sounds of it

It took us a decent while to build our sex life back up, both for me to heal and to be relaxed about sex again.

If you need the reassurance the GP or health visitor could be a good bet as suggested?

I think mainly you just need to relax, not expect too much of yourself, and see how lube and a low pressure environment does for you - but just gives yourself the time to get back to normal

 

[seoj]

I would go for a followup hun- I had painful sex for 14 mos (very similar to what you describe) after LO was born. And I had a C-section. Long story short- I had to see a specialist after tests were all "normal". And I needed estrogen cream- the skin down below had become thin/dry due to all the hormones etc... it was much better soon after.

On the other hand- a friend who also had a tear said it was horrid the first 6mos, then it slowly got much better. So it could just be more healing is needed. But certainly cannot hurt to have things checked out just in case.

Best of luck hun

 

[Smiler82]

Def agree to go and speak to your GP just in case, but just to share my experience - I had a 3rd degree tear and it took at least 6 months I'd say before I could really enjoy sex again. When we first started trying , I always made sure we used lots and lots of lubricant! Even now (8 months pp) it hurts to start with, takes a few minutes for me to feel comfortable. Scar tissue doesn't stretch like normal tissue so that could be a part of it, but I think it's worth having a chat with a medical professional just in case there's anything else that needs sorting.


Hope you start to feel better soon