Sex issues during pregnancy- sorry if tmi - don't know where else to post

[Ghost]

I'm really starting to have issues in regards to sex in pregnancy. And I was wondering if anyone else had vaguely simular experiences?.

Me and my partner have never been exactly on simular wavelengths sexually, I have a naturally high drive and he has quite a low one. This caused issues in the beginning of the relationship however we sort of reached a middle ground. Where as I would naturally like to Dtd twice a week lets say, he would be content to do it once a month or less. We reached a middle ground where we didn't plan it but ended up making love about two or three times a month. We then got pregnant and if I'm honest my sex drive decreased a little. So much that since Christmas we have probably had sex once a month. I still miss the intimacy of it though but my boobs for example are my main sexual trigger point as I'm not comfortable with him giving me oral or touching me down there and they became very sensitive . And now lately they've started leaking a bit so I worry he'll be turned off .

My other issue with sex is I used to have no problem physically getting aroused enough for him to enter me, yet just after I got pregnant I had a smear and they found my cervix was a bit odd shaped - they had thought I had a polyp and attempted to remove it when they realised it was just a part of me. I had had issues before of it being painful when I wasn't wet enough during sex but had put it down to just friction. But at the time of my smear they told me that this weird shape could of been what was causing sex to have lately became more painful. They suggested lubrication etc if I was having issues still. The more pregnant I became the more I naturally produced wetness outside , yet during the act of penetration it would be uncomfortable as I didn't feel wet inside, if that makes sense?. Me nor my partner are slim and up until bump got bigger we regularly used missionary - varying it up with doggy sometimes. Missionary it was uncomfortable but because of the position It enabled me to be more "open" to him and It would only be uncomfy the first few moments. Then my bump got bigger and it's really difficult for us to do it now as he hasn't a small tum either. So doggy has become our usual position on the rare occasion we do it. However thanks to my arousal issues It is more uncomfy and painful at first. I cherish every time we make love but because I fear it hurting I feel myself close up as soon as it starts to be uncomfy and its making doggy almost impossible. He tries to arouse me beforehand but nothing can make me wet enough inside for it not to be tender.

I have tried to ask him about using toys or lube for me to get aroused enough that it is less painful but he feels he should be able to do the work rather than toys and that he hates the texture of lube. I think I'm being pretty understanding since I've never had an orgasm with him due to not being able to get the wetness and position right , yet when we make love he always does. All i want is to have nookie with him where it doesnt hurt and maybe i have one orgasm once in a while. He has tried making me wetter by spending more time on forplay or alternaing positions but its never worked.
When I bring up the fact he's not made me orgasm then he gets defensive and tells me he basically only has sex because I want it and that he enjoys doing it with me but he'd be fine not ever having sex(and I beleive he would) because its not important to me. Which of course makes me feel like I'm being a nympho all because I miss the intimacy of having an orgasm off a partner.

I'm sorry about the rant. If I've been too detailed please tell me I'm just really stuck on what I can do .

 

[sophie22]

I had a problem with it being painful quite a few years ago and the only thing it could have been, after many tests, was a lubrication issue. The problem was I got anxious about it to the point where I couldn't relax, which meant no amount of lubrication was going to help! As I was always readying myself to be in pain. To be honest since being pregnant we haven't had sex at all and I'm not bothered and it seems my partner isn't. But when there is one of you unhappy then it's important to fix it. The only way I got over it was by getting rather drunk and just letting go! Not that you can do that when pregnant! He is being very selfish about not wanting to use lube, and I think he needs to realise this. You want and need the intimacy and if he was any sort of man he would appreciate this and not want you to be in pain and use the stuff!

 

[dixielee1206]

Aww hun I'm so sorry. I can kind of relate to what all you are saying. I never had any issues when having sex before pregnancy or in the first trimester but near the middle to end of the second it was harder for me to get wet enough down there for it not to hurt afterwards. Like it was just way too dry even though I was arroused enough. I have a higher sex drive than my fiancé or at least I'm more vocal about it. I have been very open about my issues now as he noticed I wasn't getting as wet down there and he tried harder with foreplay and thought he was doing something wrong. I say him down and just explained to him that it had to be due to the pressure of everything down there and that we needed to use something. He also doesn't like the texture of the lube but we have found one we both like by trying a few out. As far as your leaking I know what you mean. I'm leaking on occasion and have been for a few weeks. I talked to my fiancé about it as I was feeling very insecure about it and he was fine with it. I would say just try and talk with him about it. I think we would have more issues if we weren't so open about everything. He needs to take the time to learn your body now and understand that things have changed for you as your body has changed.

 

[mandaxx]

I have gone completely off sex this whole pregnancy. I usually have a high drive and he has a low one, but this time round I can't be bothered and its too uncomfortable. Don't worry, things will get back on track when your body goes back to normal. Is this your first baby? If so, your issues may completely disappear after pregnancy if you deliver naturally, as you never be the same down there again! I welcomed the change as I was very tight and now it's much better!

 

[katsbump]

We've had sex twice the whole pregnancy, so not doing it a lot certainly wouldn't be abnormal from my perspective. As for the pain, all I can suggest is lots of lube. Adtroglide is great if you can get it but any really will work. There are some really small toys that might not make him feel uncomfortable so you could see if he would maybe consider a tiny vibrator. Good luck, and I'm sure things will normalise post pregnancy!

 

[Zfbaby]

Maybe you should take a look at a product called zestica.
It's a lubricant that is designed to help conception but it's as close to natural femal lubricant as you can get. A lot of them can be slimy and that puts men off but you seriously can't tell the difference with zestica. he probably wouldn't know you were using it if you didn't tell him. Its that natural!
We used it when I was taking clomid as that can really effect things and even STOP you getting pregnant which is obviously the opposite to what it's meant to do. First month of using it we got pregnant after 5yrs!! Amazing stuff.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Hubby & I have had sex only once this whole pregnancy & I can't see it happening anymore until after baby is born! I just have absolutely no want to do it, or I am sore/tired & now super uncomfortable! I feel badly for him, but I just feel so crap at the moment! We are going away for the weekend in a few weeks, so maybe he will get lucky then if I am feeling up to it

 

[ChelliBelle]

Awww hun i think most of us can relate to a degree. My libido has definately taken a nose dive during this pregnancy, my DH however is just the same as ever and while we are still having sex my energy levels are not exactly up to par- which i think in turn makes me feel a little anxious, which affects lubrication!
We still use the missionary position of a fashion, but with him more up on his knees (due to bump) that way i don't feel like i am getting squashed

I could quite simply not bother with sex at the minute, not because i don't want it, more of it seems such an effort to move but i am usually ok once we get into it lol

Hate to say it but things will probably be slightly worse once baby is here, at least in the beginning due to healing and tiredness. There are lots of other ways that you can be intimate tho- my DH regularly gives me massages, and we still take baths together (thank god for big baths lol).

Id say that maybe you need to not worry so much about the physical side of intimacy and perhaps spend a little time on intimate moments? Might take the pressure off you both, while you both continue with your closeness.

Hope it all works out for you anyway

 

[SpotlessMind]

Maybe you should take a look at a product called zestica.
It's a lubricant that is designed to help conception but it's as close to natural femal lubricant as you can get. A lot of them can be slimy and that puts men off but you seriously can't tell the difference with zestica. he probably wouldn't know you were using it if you didn't tell him. Its that natural!
We used it when I was taking clomid as that can really effect things and even STOP you getting pregnant which is obviously the opposite to what it's meant to do. First month of using it we got pregnant after 5yrs!! Amazing stuff.

I've never heard of zestica, but we used preseed while TTC and it really feels no different than natural lubricant. I'd definitely suggest trying a sperm-friendly lubricant as I think they're probably all more natural feeling. You could just tell him you'd like to give it one try and if it doesn't work then no big deal, surely he can't refuse to that? Also, rather than what is suggested above, I'd recommend just using a little. I've been told by partners that using too much can make you feel looser, which is why he could be so hesitant to use it. Sorry this is causing such frustration for you; I definitely understand where you're coming from

 

[fionar]

I'm a big fan of BabeLube (I think that's the name...) from Toys in Babeland - they have an online shop I won't link to (because I'm at work, haha) but I'm sure you can find it.

I think your partner needs to understand that it's a physiological thing - if there's no lube being produced, there's no lube being produced. Sometimes a little artificial help is necessary.

Would he freak out if you played with yourself during intercourse? That's usually what I end up doing and it works for us. I get off the way I like to while still being intimate with my husband and we're both happy.

 

[Zfbaby]

Maybe you should take a look at a product called zestica.
It's a lubricant that is designed to help conception but it's as close to natural femal lubricant as you can get. A lot of them can be slimy and that puts men off but you seriously can't tell the difference with zestica. he probably wouldn't know you were using it if you didn't tell him. Its that natural!
We used it when I was taking clomid as that can really effect things and even STOP you getting pregnant which is obviously the opposite to what it's meant to do. First month of using it we got pregnant after 5yrs!! Amazing stuff.

I've never heard of zestica, but we used preseed while TTC and it really feels no different than natural lubricant. I'd definitely suggest trying a sperm-friendly lubricant as I think they're probably all more natural feeling. You could just tell him you'd like to give it one try and if it doesn't work then no big deal, surely he can't refuse to that? Also, rather than what is suggested above, I'd recommend just using a little. I've been told by partners that using too much can make you feel looser, which is why he could be so hesitant to use it. Sorry this is causing such frustration for you; I definitely understand where you're coming from

I wasn't too much of a fan of the application process with pre-seed, of you know what I mean lol. Zestica is a spray application so one spray is all you need and it's hands free

 

[Ghost]

Thanks guys for all the advice . I think I'm going to try to encourage him to try the recommended lubes, even if he doesn't want to try maybe there's a way I can discreetly use it . I really hope the physical issues work themselves out after pregnancy is over . It's only nine weeks so I can manage until then. If it doesn't sort out afterwards I think we'll have to have a more in depth discussion together as I worry that the more time I leave it the more it'll become a task rather than something we can enjoy together.

 

[Ghost]

I don't think he dislikes it because of it making me feel loser , he hates the textures of moisturisers and the such for the same reason.

 

[CutenessANR]

Oh hun...I am so sorry I know where you are because, unfortunately, I have been there too. My last serious relationship was with a guy that I found out was asexual. He didn't care for sex...he only did it because I wanted it. Sometimes it would go limp in the middle of sex...it was frustrating and it makes you feel like there is something wrong with you I think you would have a little more progress if you didn't point out his flaws. Odds are, he can't help how he is, but if he didn't feel pressured to make you orgasm, he may want to try harder or be more open to using toys . Sit down and talk to him...not in a complaining way, just ask him if there is anything he has ever fantasized about or anything he has wanted to try in bed. Even if he doesn't answer you or says there is nothing, it will get him thinking about it and that is half the problem . You seem very open sexually, like myself, so it was easier for us to talk about it and after I knew what he liked, I tried it for him. Some of it I hated and some I found that I liked and never knew it! Communication works, hun. It may take him a while to open up to you, but when he does it will help. And after sex...let him know what he did that you liked instead of pointing out that you didn't get yours. Maybe tell him " hey babe...that thing you did with your hands felt amazing! can you do that a little longer next time? I was so close!" Even if you were not that close lol...it will boost his ego and make him want to please you

 

[Ghost]

Oh hun...I am so sorry I know where you are because, unfortunately, I have been there too. My last serious relationship was with a guy that I found out was asexual. He didn't care for sex...he only did it because I wanted it. Sometimes it would go limp in the middle of sex...it was frustrating and it makes you feel like there is something wrong with you I think you would have a little more progress if you didn't point out his flaws. Odds are, he can't help how he is, but if he didn't feel pressured to make you orgasm, he may want to try harder or be more open to using toys . Sit down and talk to him...not in a complaining way, just ask him if there is anything he has ever fantasized about or anything he has wanted to try in bed. Even if he doesn't answer you or says there is nothing, it will get him thinking about it and that is half the problem . You seem very open sexually, like myself, so it was easier for us to talk about it and after I knew what he liked, I tried it for him. Some of it I hated and some I found that I liked and never knew it! Communication works, hun. It may take him a while to open up to you, but when he does it will help. And after sex...let him know what he did that you liked instead of pointing out that you didn't get yours. Maybe tell him " hey babe...that thing you did with your hands felt amazing! can you do that a little longer next time? I was so close!" Even if you were not that close lol...it will boost his ego and make him want to please you

Thanks for the suggestions. i do try to communicate on the matter as I've not wanted him to think he wasn't pleasing me. At the very start of the relationship it was him who seemed reassurance that I enjoyed what he was doing because I never orgasmed. It wasn't until 8 months or so down the line that I brought up that I wasn't orgasming , and I tried to say it in such a way that he knew I had still had a great time - which is true I thoroughly enjoy when we make love- but that it would be nice if I had an orgasm. We did actually try toys once but I was nervous and because I didn't orgasm straight away he didn't want to carry on and told me he was going to watch tv. I love him dearly but he can be a little selfish and if i bring it up he says why do i care so much about sex?. I have offered to try other stuff , I thought maybe his lack of interest at first was because we didn't try new things and I'm like you said really open minded sexually and would do it if I knew it pleased him more. But there was nothing. According to him he just likes plain traditional nookie. I also asked what he enjoys watching online -porn wise- for some sort of clue but all he watches are black girls and Milfs , of which I am neither. It worried me that that was why his sex drive was low was because he isn't attracted to me because I'm not either one of them but he's told me he is very much attracted to me it's just he doesn't feel the need to be intimate very often. I know I sound only interested in sex but its really not that way. I just love the intimacy with someone else and I love him like crazy so I want to share the intimacy with him.

 

[CutenessANR]

I really do understand ...me and my ex, like you guys, finally got to a point where he would do it 2 or 3 times a month just to appease me...but because it was a "chore" for him, I just couldn't enjoy it enough to orgasm you just want him to enjoy the intimacy as much as you do...unfortunately they just dont... I ended up doing something i said I would never do and feel like I would never do again either...I cheated on him I thought maybe I could get the closeness (and possible orgasm) from someone else with no emotional attachment and still be in love with my man... I had a one night stand with a coworker and ended up having sex 3 times that night, cuddling and talking in between...and he trusted me and i could feel that he liked the way i looked and WANTED me...which was something i didnt have. I came home at 5am and my ex didn't even care where i was...didnt even ask. So I left him for the co-worker and we have been together the past 3 years and our love life is amazing! I really cared for my ex...truly...but that part that was missing just wasn't working for us. He is now married and asking me for advice because his wife is unhappy in bed for the same reasons...sigh...I told him to see a doctor. I really hope it works out better for you guys than it did for us, hun.