Sex - painful

[kewpie]

Hi everyone, just wanted a bit of advice please...

We haven't been having a lot of sex all pregnancy, I never regained my libido in second tri and nothing has changed now that I'm third tri. I think pregnancy hasn't exactly been a big turn-on for either of us, and I feel self conscious with my belly. But I miss the closeness with my partner and so have initiated a couple of times. But it hurts! Like a burning. I'm going to ask my ob today if I might have thrush or a uti (with no other symptoms), otherwise maybe it really is just a lack of lube due to psychologically not feeling very sexy any more.

I feel really worried that we will never get our great sex life back as things are only going to get more difficult with a baby and with my ladyparts potentially not being quite the same...! (I don't know much about how that goes after birth)

Any support or understanding would be most welcome!

 

[Talia12]

I had this in my first pregnancy and am having it again now. Only this time round, I'm not panicking like I was the first time (and like you are now!) that I'll never enjoy sex again or be able to have it easily. I was so worried in my first pregnancy that sex would always be this horrible painful chore that I did just to keep dh happy. I couldn't then, and can't now, exactly explain the pain - but it sounds a bit like what you're saying. General soreness/dryness/tightness/inner swollenness.

Well I had an episiotomy and a tear with my son, healed ok but didn't attempt sex for another 16 weeks. It was horrible the first time, mostly because I was so nervous. It was like being a virgin again. But then it got better and within a couple of months we were banging away like always

By all means definitely check that there's no Uti, and talk to your doc or midwife. But let me just put your mind at rest that you WILL have sex normally again, just likely not during this pregnancy.

 

[kewpie]

But then it got better and within a couple of months we were banging away like always

Oh my goodness Talia, that really put a smile on my face!! Haha. I feel a lot better now. Thanks for your kind and understanding reassurance!

 

[krissie328]

With my first pregnancy I had a good libido. This time I just have no desire and find it uncomfortable.

However, post baby sex was another matter. Once my scar stopped hurting as much, I think the sex has actually been better.

 

[Bonnie11]

I'm the same this time around! Don't think my SPD helps at all but I have zero interest. But like the others said it does come back xx

 

[Zephram]

Our sex life completely dies when I'm pregnant. Neither of us feel like it - OH isn't turned on by pregnant women and I just do not feel sexy. I was so worried about it during the first pregnancy, but we got back to normal both times, so don't stress too much!

I didn't find it super comfortable on the rare occasion we have done it though whilst pregnant. Dryness could be part of the reason you feel uncomfortable - try lube! If you're having actual 'burning' sensations though, definitely get checked for UTIs, STIs. Otherwise, lube it up and away you go.

 

[MindUtopia]

Sex in pregnancy is really uncomfortable. We tried a bit when I was pregnant with our first, but it just felt like being stabbed in the uterus (also I tend to have a lot of bleeding in pregnancy and the stress of triggering the bleeding ultimately wasn't really worth it). This time I also have varicose veins (in my vagina), which annoyingly is a common side effect of pregnancy as your veins swell and your pelvic floor drops. They can be really sore and irritated, which might be a bit of what you're feeling. Really though it's just not very comfortable nor easy and you aren't as flexible. Don't stress about it though and don't force it. Your sex life will likely take a dive after baby arrives as you'll be recovering and exhausted and it will go on the backburner for a bit. But in time, things get better again and you will (assuming your relationship is otherwise good) have a happy, normal sex life again, so don't worry about all that now. It did take awhile for us (and it may be longer or shorter for you depending on what kind of baby you have, whether you're co-sleeping, how much sleep you're getting, etc.). I would say it wasn't 'normal' again for probably the first 2 years as we were still really tired and up a lot at night, but really don't force it now. Give yourself some time, find other ways to be intimate and close and see how you feel later on or after baby arrives.

 

[nordicpixie83]

Most of this pregnancy my libido has been hiding under a rock . I've tried on the odd occasion for poor DH's sake . I just can't seem to reach climate at Al . Then I had a two week period from 23-25 weeks of being super duper sensual and couldn't get enough . Poor dh was exhausted. It was at least twice a day . Now I'm back to can't climax and I am very swollen down there so it's a bit sore too. Can't wait to get my normal sensation back !!!!