Sharing News...Reassurance Needed!

[Elephant13]

Hi All,
I felt the need to vent a little and get a few things off my (very sore) chest lol.
I'm currently 9 weeks 2 days pregnant & I work for my Dad.
I suffered an ectopic last year and a mc in may this year. Both of those pregnancies I told my parents pretty much as soon as I found out as I am very close to them. With the 2nd my Dad got so excited he told almost everyone he came in to contact with which made it a lot harder after the mc as he had to go back and tell all those people. This time round me and my partner haven't told anyone, we have booked a private scan for the 14th Dec and so we decided to wait till we have been given the all clear and announce it to our family in their Christmas cards. Today though my Dad asked me if I am pregnant, he said "i'm going to ask you something and I know you wont lie so I will just come out and ask" to which he did. I said no and lied to his face. I feel awful for lying, in fact I feel like i'm about 16 again when I lied about a certain vodka bottle mysteriously turning to water in his drinks cabinet, claiming I knew nothing of course.
I'm sure he can see straight through me and it is not in my nature to lie (the vodka incident aside lol) I just wanted a bit of a reassurance as this is the 1st time someone has come straight out and asked me. I am a bit offended that he has in one way after everything I've been through I thought he may have been a bit more tactful but he is a man. He said he and my mum have both sai dthat I haven't been myself (if only they knew i'm hiding and holding back vomming at most moments of the day) my partner told me to not feel bad and that they wont even think about the fact I lied when we share good news but I am doing it right now so that I can be sure to give them some good news. My sisters sister in law has given birth but the baby is seriously ill and may not make it, my nan has been in hospital and broke her foot in 3 places, my niece has split her chin open and needs cosmetic surgery to rectify the wound and on top of that my mums step mum has been told she may have cancer. I would much rather wait myself and be able to give them good news that I can be sure of and do it in a nice way rather than give false hope only to add more bad news at an already trying time. I can deal with my own problems myself but its a lot harder when you have everyone hoping for you.
I just wanted to know if you guys would continue to keep quiet and if anyone is close to their parents or other loved ones that they too have had to tell a little lie to get them by.
I'm sure this is one of them moments I will look back on tomorrow and think how my erratic hormones have probably written this for me but I still felt the need to type it out anyway!
Thanks for reading xxx

 

[wannanewbaby]

I totally understand i wanted to wait till my 1st scan to tell my family but on thanksgiving my step mom did same just strait asked if i was preg it caught me so off guard i just froze i knew if i said no she would know i was lying based on my reaction so i just said yes. But i dis want to wait and totally umderatand why you want to so i think you should stick to your choice and wait till the scan. Gl hope your scan is perfect

 

[pinkpassion]

I am very close to my parents and I haven't told them yet, mostly because of your reasons... it's so much easier waiting. So waiting is what I'll do, I'll tell them on Christmas Eve when I'm 15 weeks... I hate that I've been keeping it from them, but I think they will be so (happily) shocked and excited that they won't care!! I'm excited to reveal it to them!!!

 

[Rickles]

My mum asked me outright and I cracked (like I did as a kid)... OH wasn't happy. I've now got a second scan because baby is measuring very behind, OH can't come, so I'm kind of glad my Mum knows because she is now coming with me.

That's said my SIL and brother have both asked me and I lied and said no... they will understand when the truth outs - but tbh I want to deal with everything if it doesn't work out this time, before I have to deal with the wider family. People do understand, and tbh I have told all my friends numerous times, not to EVER ask me, but that I will tell them when I am ready xx

 

[xdxxtx]

I have told my parents when I got BFP every time... except this one. I was terrified, since they kept threatening me, and I KNEW my sister was not going to take it well. I lied for less than a week before I said, "OMG, I am pregnant!" Yes, my sister had a fit and said really nasty things to hurt me (she's jealous because she's infertile and I just keep getting pregnant, which I can understand, but no excuse to act that way). My parents, however, WERE happy.

I haven't been in YOUR situation, but I know your father will understand. You WILL give them wonderful news, and until you're able to, I understand keeping it a secret as to not break their hearts.

 

[Elephant13]

Hi ladies thank you so much for your replies and sharing your stories/experiences. Having previous losses has definitely taken the edge/excitement off telling people because it's so hard seeing them upset too. I know if I told them before this they would have been fussing over me something chronic and I would have probably been over thinking everything, if I mentioned an ache or pain Someone would be telling me it was something, where as this time I've had to kind of get on with it and act normal (or as much as I can) and it hasn't left me much time to think about it because it's not the first topic of conversation like it had been in previous experiences. I guess my mum and dad know me so well so they would have an intuition that something it isn't right. I've gone 5 weeks with keeping quiet and I have less than 2 left till my scan so I haven't long to hold out. Thanks so much again! Thank god for this forum! X

 

[Sassymom]

I had several people outright ask me if I was pregnant/planning on becoming pregnant and I lied straight to their face. It stunk when it was my parents, but they didn't care about that when I finally announced the truth they were all just so happy!

 

[eris]

My daughters know, my dad knows and his sister and brother in law know, but the rest of my family is in the dark. I am pretty close to my mother, but last time I told her I was just starting to miscarry so I kinda wanted to wait. She asked me one day out of left field and it wasn't until that night that I found out I was pregnant. I want to wait a little longer at least till Christmas before saying anything to them. My husbands mother and father and his mother all know, but we are waiting to tell the rest of his family as well.

 

[emicakess]

I would say just explain all of that when you tell him if he seems offended that you lied. you did not lie for the wrong reasons, you lied to protect him incase anything happens. I totally understand where you are coming from and you have a right to privacy that allows you to stay quiet about it as long as you want. good luck!

 

[Elephant13]

Morning Ladies!
How you all doing? Again thanks for responses. Yesterday caught me off guard a bit. Especially when he said my mum asked him to check the calendar at work to see if me & my partner (as he works for my dad too) had booked any time off. We hadn't because 1. I don't have my booking apt till tomorrow and 2. we booked a private scan at a weekend purely for that reason lol. I am one step ahead in throwing them off course hopefully. I know they will be just as excited and happy as me when I get good news but I just don't want to jinx it really and with everything else going on around us I know they will only be worrying over me which is probably what I don't need. If I hadn't had my past experiences I would have told them right away but its been nice getting that reassurance from you all. I will feel better sticking to my "plan" and telling them when I'm ready &how I would like to rather than it being forced out of me lol.
Thanks again ladies.
How far along are you all? x

 

[ChristiansMum]

I actually told my mum today! only because DH has got to book half a day off work to come to the midwife with me and they work for the same company and I was scared that someone would tell my mum but she is making me go round and tell my dad tonight cause she doesn't want him to be kept in the dark and she wont lie to him (which I totally understand). I wanted to keep it a secret till christmas but im so close to my mum and dad (they live 6 doors up from me!) but I am kind of pleased that she know knows cause its like extra support xx

 

[Elephant13]

Hi Ladies,
thought I'd post a little update. I had my booking apt last night after work & my gp was shocked at how far gone I am. As I was close to 10 weeks he actually asked if I'd like to try and hear the heartbeat. I agreed but he said its a bit hit and miss at this time, thankfully though he found a heartbeat! We were so pleased and it offered that little bit of reassurance for us so on our way home we stopped off to tell parents and our sisters. I haven't told my friends yet as we thought we would wait until the scan next week, however I have a party to go to tomorrow night and I know friends are already speculating because I have said I will be the driver...I have said that I wont be drinking as its my birthday on sunday and I don't want to spend it hungover. I'm hoping they will accept that! I'm just a bit paranoid though as I am terrible liar! Still the last 2 times I was pregnant and avoided drinking on a night out before I broke the news I used the old "I'm on antibiotics" line so I'm hoping the fact that I don't want to be hungover on my birthday may throw them off the scent for another week haha x

 

[Linnypops]

It's highly problematic when people outright ask - I don't think they consider that it might not be an easy answer even if it is a 'yes'. I think you do whatever you can to protect yourself emotionally, noone else has gone through your particular pain, not even your parents can go there, only you did. And for that reason anything you do to try to protect yourself is reasonable.....Your parents will understand afterwards x