She left me while pregnant - should we try again?

[plasma5k]

About 2 years ago I started dating a good friend of my brothers she was only just 18 at the time where I was coming up to 23. But we both got on very well and liked spending time with each other.

But then I realized she had a hard time at school and with her childhood which has led to jealousy and insecurity problems that had come up a lot in our relationship and caused countless arguments. For example she can't deal with the fact one of my closest friends is another woman. but I agreed to compromise and see her less for the sake of our love.

This went on and off for a few years with us breaking up and getting back together because we both do feel there's a underlying love there but because of her issues and me not being able to deal with them as she expects we fight and argue about it.

Then about 6 months ago she fell pregnant with our first baby. She was 19 and me coming up 24, we were both overjoyed and extremely happy for each other. We had planned that she would move into my house, I would do my best to support her financially and emotionally, we knew we had our problems before but with the baby coming I believed she would see past her insecurities and work on our family together and overall become more mature.

How was I wrong, after a few months of buying baby stuff, going to scans and really planning the rest of my life with her and the baby she started telling me what I could and couldn't do with my life and started telling me she and our baby had to come first. I've always understood this but family's and relationships still have time for friends and a persons own individual needs, I put it all down to high hormones and her past history.

So after all this she broke up with me and moved back in with her parents, who have just showered her with support and money and I feel really used and let down, I was finding it very difficult as I was set on being with her and the baby.

This went on for a few months when I went out on a date with a new girl who is really into me and has opened my eyes to how someone should treat me. She is supportive, intelligent, very mature and has a good understanding of life. We've been dating for a little while now and are both starting to like each other.

Problem is I went around to see the other girl the mother of my child and sitting there in her room all newly decorated and we talked for ages and she told me how much she's realized her issues and is working through them to become a better person for herself and our baby. This really shocked me and she seems so much stronger and independent, we've been seeing each other more and more recently as I've always wanted to be apart of the baby's life and be there as much as I could. When we started talking about how she wants to be a family with me and give things one more chance for the baby's and our sake at a happy family.

Now I really don't know what to do as the idea of having a family and being there everyday for my son with her really appeals to me and its what I wanted from the start. But I do have doubts based on the past experiences with her, and this new woman who I was dating I feel there really could be something there.

I am so lost at the moment and really don't know what the right outcome is, I don't want to have this massive regret hanging over my life

Sorry this is really long winded!

Many Thanks
L . R

 

[Newdreemz]

Well, I say don't blame her for her past issues too much. She was pregnant, and young. I don't want to totally excuse her for her behavior but being an inexperienced young lady, also pregnant, ALSO TRYING to be in a full time relationship with a man when your ALSO trying to an adult will take a toll on you. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be then. She could very well be different now as she most likely realized what she lost, and sometimes having a child makes a woman "grow up" INSTANTLY.

I say flat out, your not ready to be in a relationship with the girl your dating. If you were I don't think you would even consider getting back with your child's mother. BUT on the same note, if your REALLY into this girl and you don't know if she's worth giving up then your ALSO not ready to be in a relationship with your son's mother. So first question is: Are you willing to give her up? Completely that is. I say completely because if your texting her, facebooking her or whatever while your trying to work it out with you son's mother, then it won't work. Make sure your DONE first and foremost. I think you have to sit back and ask yourself what are your reasons for wanting to be back with you son's mother? If its just for the sake of your son then it won't work. You two need to talk, start all over, and decide what you two would like to work towards. You have to let go of the past. IF your still hung up on what happened in the past, it wont work. It definitely sounds like you still have some feelings towards her though.

If there's a shot at you two raising your baby together then I say take it. Why not? I am all for family. Maybe before going all out, I'd suggest counseling possibly? Maybe attend a church together? I hope I helped somewhat. At the end of the day, its YOUR decision though so I wish you well in whatever you decide.

 

[littlekitten8]

If you really think she has changed then I say give it a go.

 

[billy2mm]

i would say for as long as there are problems with the relationship between you and the mother of your baby then you shouldnt even be coinsidering another relationship. you need to get every thing sorted out with her re contact, maintence etc and get that sorted and established before thinkimg about a new relationship.

being a father with a new woman is a whole other mine field that you really dont want to have to deal with when there is a new baby to put first.

 

[lovejoy]

If you do give it another go don't rush things i.e don't move in together straight away, build a foundation,date for a while and let her show you that she's actually changed because it's easy to convince someone with words but actions are far better. You need to work on both of your issues it can't be all her.

As for the girl you're seeing be honest with her,she'll be upset but respect you more for it and not stringing her along.