Shocked at just how disappointed I feel

[Kitten-B]

Found out at the weekend that we are having our second boy. Had kept saying I expected it to be a boy and that didn’t seem to upset me, but it must have just been self preservation as I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach when she said boy. Barely spoke for the next day.

We didn’t find out last time and although if I had a preference it was definitely for a girl and we both thought we were having a girl, I don’t remember feeling at all disappointed when Sam turned out to be a boy. Surprised yes but busy feeling proud of my wee baby and overwhelmed by the whole thing.

I decided I wanted to find out this time mainly because I couldn't stop thinking about it and wondered if I may be disappointed (but didn't know if I would even if it was boy) and need some time to get over it. But I had absolutely no idea at all it would feel this bad. I’m now thinking that we shouldn’t have found out as I can’t imagine ever not feeling devastated about this.

We only planned on 2. We can only really afford 2. I’m struggling being pregnant and not sure I could do it again. Maybe we’ll think about it again in a few years but I don’t think it would be right if I was only doing it for a shot at a girl. So right now this baby being a boy means I’m not going to have a daughter. I just can’t believe it. It’s like the world has totally shifted – suddenly every time I see someone with a daughter in anything, life, tv etc my stomach now sinks. And it might always be that way now. Hello, bitter!

I only ever wanted a girl. I’ve wanted a girl since I started saving my Barbies for her when I was about 7! Now I’m looking at all the junk I’ve accumulated over the years, including photo albums and my wedding dress and thinking that I may as well dump it all.

It’s not as bad when they are babies and toddlers but hate the idea of living with all these men / boys in a few years. Feel like we’ll have nothing in common - i'll just be cooking while they watch football with DH - and I don’t really know any boys who are actually close / friends with their mums when they grow up.

Totally obsessed now with looking at ultrasound photos on the internet and hearing stories of how boys turned out to be girls. Trying to convince myself that it’s the cord between the legs... this isn’t fun! May post on here but don’t want to hear any “definitely boy” etc!

Feel so so upset and so so angry. I even feel angry with the baby and just don’t want anything to do with it. And don’t want to talk about it with anyone (especially DH who keeps banging on about how happy he is, totally oblivious to me avoiding the topic) and even if I did it’s totally taboo and I’d feel guilty admitting it out loud.

Sorry, far too long, thanks if you’ve kept reading! No point really either, just so gutted. Can anyone tell me if its gets any better?

 

[ILoveYouZandT]

Didn't want to read and run. I don't know exactly what to say. I was so upset upon finding out about my second boy, but that's ONLY because if it wasn't a girl then we were going to try for a third.. This time around there is definitely a lot of pressure and I honestly couldn't suggest anything, because I don't know how I'd feel until I was to have to come to that realization that I would never get a daughter.

I really really hope you can find some positives about having your second boy. I so do. My little boys have a great time because they love the same things and have a lot of common. They will be good little buddies!

 

[Kitten-B]

Thanks - I really appreciate your reply. And I really hope you get what you want this time - are you going to find out?

And I know what you mean about wee brothers being buddies. Before I found out I would say it would be nice for Sam if it was a boy... doesn't mean much to me now but I hope it will again soon! I'm an only child and I just really wanted my children to have siblings and I guess that's even better if they are the same sex and have more in common...

 

[jamhs]

I hav two boys and am remaining team yellow because I figure if it is another boy, the joy of having just given birth should help with my feelings of "letting go" my dreams of a girl might be easier. That said, my boys are best friends and I had so much fun watching them play together today- what imagination they have together! They kept calling each other best buddy and best mate and pretended to save each other from the bad guys. I love how close they are and what a bond they share. Also, my boys are momma's boys! They want me and I think they will always be close to me, so you can have a great relationship with them. They've even told their dad off for talking poorly to me! Love them! (But still want a girl...) hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy though and when you meet your little boy, I know you will love him!

 

[pinkribbon]

I have a boy already and I chose not to know this time because I was afraid of how I'd feel if they told me it was another boy. I don't think I'll mind when baby is born, or at least I'd hope so!

Now you know you have the time to get over or at least adjust to having another boy. Maybe instead of focusing on your loss try and think of your gain? You will have a gorgeous little boy and your son will have a brother to love and play with and share his life with. They say brothers have a special bond you can also go and get some lovely boys clothes. I know it isn't the same as girls but it may get you excited? Also picking a name may help you attach to him.

My OH has 3 brothers and all 4 of them are closer to their mum than their dad. If OH has a problem he would rather chat to his mum than to to his dad and he is still very caring about her and puts thought into her presents when it's her birthday etc. so that makes me feel better about having that bond.

 

[ILoveYouZandT]

I meant to say I *wasn't* so upset upon finding out about my second boy! Oops!

We are going to find out this time, I need the time during pregnancy to accept what will be if it is another boy. Time to think of names, and shop to try and feel good about it. I know it will be hard because this is our last child. But I know I'll be alright in time. =)

My boys are momma's boys too! They looooove their momma! They're both little bundles of energy, they're both caring and loving. Curious and outgoing. My boys are amazing little people, and I know if I do end up with a third boy that he will be just the same.

And if we do get our girl, it will just be the icing on the cake. =)

 

[Mummy2B21]

 

[Nyn]

Aw hun I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt the same way when I found out ds2 was a boy it actually took me until he was about 2 weeks old to really bond with him. I felt absolutely rotten. You'll be ok, and you will love this little man as much as your other ds I can't imagine life without my cheeky ds2... you'll feel the same way too, but it will take a while and it's ok to feel what you are feeling.

 

[katee82]

I feel like I could have written this post myself, I've just found out today that I'm expecting DS number 2. I've pretty much had a gut feeling all the way through that he would be a boy but I kept saying to myself that it was 50/50 and we already had one boy etc.... I even convinced myself that the odds were stacked towards a girl because if it was another boy then that would be the 6th great grandson for my nan and that would be crazy odds!!

I've cried. I feel like such a terrible person for feeling this way and I worry how it will effect my bond with my new son- its not his fault and I wish I felt differently but all I can think is how I'll never get to experience that mother daughter bond and plan girlie outings together and do the whole shopping trips/coffee morning chats...it's stupid and my DH keeps saying I need to focus on all the things I will be able to experience, not what I won't.

Just can't believe how badly I've reacted... I hope tomorrow will be better and I can start focussing on the positive things.

 

[mrsholmes]

Not everyone had the 'Girly mother daughter rationship', It will get better, and I think finding out is the best you can have time to get used to it.

I wasn't going to find out on the baby but I need to so I can get used to the gender - long story!

My oh is really close to his mother, so am I, so u may have a fab daughter in law!! Lol

 

[dollych]

Awww Hun, I know what you are going through and trust me, it does get better. I felt like such a horrible person for feeling so devastated when I found out my second was a boy again.
I had an early scan at 16 weeks and it was confirmed it was a boy at 20 weeks. Like you, I convinced myself it was the cord between the legs and did loads of research on the internet reading stories about how boys turned out to be girls and hoping that would happen to me. I always wanted a little girl, even when I found out I was pregnant with my 1st DS. I was shocked at how devastated I was when I found out this was a boy too.
Like I said , it does get better. Being honest, it's took me a long while and I am only just coming to terms with it now and and I'm 28 weeks tomorrow. I still look at Mum's with girls and feel like crying because that will never be me and still get a little upset when I see pink everywhere in the baby section, but I'm getting better .

I'm looking forward to the birth now and enjoying my pregnancy again because I love my DS to bits and can't wait to see them playing together and becoming best buds. I've also not had to buy any clothes so this time round so it's saved me a fortune!!!.
Don;t worry, you will feel better soon and start enjoying your pregnancy again xxx

 

[Kitten-B]

I feel like I could have written this post myself, I've just found out today that I'm expecting DS number 2. I've pretty much had a gut feeling all the way through that he would be a boy but I kept saying to myself that it was 50/50 and we already had one boy etc.... I even convinced myself that the odds were stacked towards a girl because if it was another boy then that would be the 6th great grandson for my nan and that would be crazy odds!!

I've cried. I feel like such a terrible person for feeling this way and I worry how it will effect my bond with my new son- its not his fault and I wish I felt differently but all I can think is how I'll never get to experience that mother daughter bond and plan girlie outings together and do the whole shopping trips/coffee morning chats...it's stupid and my DH keeps saying I need to focus on all the things I will be able to experience, not what I won't.

Just can't believe how badly I've reacted... I hope tomorrow will be better and I can start focussing on the positive things.

It's really good to hear from someone who is feeling the same way at the same time - for your news. Hope you are feeling a wee bit better about it all today? Although sometimes I think the second day after unwelcome news is worse!

I felt really awful for a good few days and thought I regretted finding out but time has helped a bit and I feel more accepting about it all now. It's such a difficult thing - because it's not that I'm not happy to meet this little man and enjoy having a fab baby boy all over again; it's just that I am really sad and a bit sick to my stomach that a wee girl doesn't seem to be in my future.

And I worry that the rest of our family will be dissappointed too - 5 grandsons already on DH's side and no girls and my parents only have me. And that friends will suspect I'm not happy deep down when they hear - it may be true but feel worse that people would think it! We're not planning on telling anyone we found out.

The two things that I'm focusing on which help a bit are:

1. I was almost happy just to stop at one child (he has been serious hard work -while still being amazing- since day one!) but I would never ever do that as I am an only child myself and have always really hated it. So if a big reason for having a second child was so my children wouldn't be only children then maybe it's better that they are the same sex. Not an exact science but that usually does means a better friendship as children / better playing together / stuff in common etc. DH's brother is his best friend still and I have plenty of friends with their sister's as their best friend. Of course you can be close if boy-girl siblings but you wouldn't find many that would say it was their 'best friend'.

2. I don't have to decide today that we are only having 2. Yes it's what I imagined, expected, wanted, can afford and I don't fancy another pregnancy etc. But I may feel different in a few years and that is when we'll make that decision. Saying we have to have 'only 2' right now sets it too much in stone. I won't have another just to try for a girl, and chances are we won;t have another at all BUT it's not definite I won't have a daughter - and it helps right now to think like that.

And of course I'm still studying that potty shot in the scan picture thinking it could be wrong ... probably should stop that though!

x

 

[Kitten-B]

Awww Hun, I know what you are going through and trust me, it does get better. I felt like such a horrible person for feeling so devastated when I found out my second was a boy again.
I had an early scan at 16 weeks and it was confirmed it was a boy at 20 weeks. Like you, I convinced myself it was the cord between the legs and did loads of research on the internet reading stories about how boys turned out to be girls and hoping that would happen to me. I always wanted a little girl, even when I found out I was pregnant with my 1st DS. I was shocked at how devastated I was when I found out this was a boy too.
Like I said , it does get better. Being honest, it's took me a long while and I am only just coming to terms with it now and and I'm 28 weeks tomorrow. I still look at Mum's with girls and feel like crying because that will never be me and still get a little upset when I see pink everywhere in the baby section, but I'm getting better .

I'm looking forward to the birth now and enjoying my pregnancy again because I love my DS to bits and can't wait to see them playing together and becoming best buds. I've also not had to buy any clothes so this time round so it's saved me a fortune!!!.
Don;t worry, you will feel better soon and start enjoying your pregnancy again xxx

Glad you are feeling better about it. I feel the exact same (29 weeks now) - better but still feel like crying when I see Mum's with wee girls!

Have you given up on thinking it might be the cord between the legs? I think I almost have (I was 23 weeks and she did spend what felt like ages checking it all!) but it's hard until you see them here in real life to believe it fully.

p.s. just realised there are no signatures - is it something to do with this forum?

x

 

[Nathyrra]

I have been in your shoes, it's not easy.

I only ever wanted one child since I was a very small child, I wanted a girl. When I found out my first child was a boy I was a bit shocked as I'd convinced myself he was a she. But I got over it quickly. He was born with Down Syndrome, and it turned my world upside down for a time. I thought when I was pregnant with my second child that all I could possibly ever want after the shock of the first pregnancy was to hear the baby was healthy. How wrong was I! When I found out baby number two was a boy my world just shattered. In a really messed up way I thought I 'deserved' a girl after going through the pain of that diagnosis with my first.

Now I will be very quick to say my oldest child is a dream baby and the absolute love of my life and is no burden whatsoever. However, there was a deep emptiness in me for a while when I found out I was carrying boy number two. Though he is an adorable, sweet, wonderful baby. It does get easier but it's still there. Sometimes it's raw, like when relatives announce they're having girls, or you take a walk in a department store and see the miniscule boy collection compared to the girls. I adopted the saying 'fake it till you make it' for a while. Stay clear of things that will make the sadness flair up.

Sometimes our dreams we have for our lives are not what we are given but they will always be better, you just don't know it yet. Man, I never thought the love of my life would be a little boy with anextra chromosome, but it is! Never say never to a third. You don't know where you'll be in a few years time. In a way I think keeping the option open, regardless of whether it's a tiny chance or not, helps. We were going to stop at two, now we'll go for a third. If I had my 'dream child' first I would never have known the love of so many little people!

 

[katee82]

Hi all.... Well it's been a few days on now since I found out I'm expecting boy number two and things are better but yesterday was hard.. My husband had been really supportive when we found out but quickly accepted it and appears happy so now doesn't talk about it and I guess I don't want to keep burdening him with it... I had to tell family and work mates yesterday and nearly every single one knew I was hoping for a girl and all responded with 'ahhh nevermind' or 'what a shame' and that made me feel worse for this poor baby!

I keep looking at his scan picture and imagining how great it will be to meet him but it seems so far away and without that lovely new baby buzz I guess my mind keeps reverting to 'what if??'.... Unlike you guys I know there's no chance they made a mistake- even the sonographer said there was no mistaking it and sometimes she second guesses her decision but this was 100% guaranteed!

Do you think it's something to consider that we all seem to be craving girls??? It seems that not as many women with multiple girls get as upset about it as the other way round. I also wonder if it's got something to do with how difficult to handle the first boy was... Ours is very headstrong and has been hard work since day one- we battle with him every day and I wonder if part of me hoped that a girl would be easier..I don't know, it just seems girls are quieter and less crazy all the time...!!! What do you think?

 

[kat132]

I also have 2 boys. I was convinced DS2 was a girl because the pregnancy was so different. when i found out he was a boy i cried for ages!!!!

DS2 is now 2 months old and i still wonder what it would have been like if he was a girl. I know it is terrible but i cant help it. I love my boys to the moon and back but i will long for the girl i will never have. we agreed on only having 2 so that is it for me. I know that when DS2 is older it will be great cause the boys will play together.

Sometimes i still cry for the daughter i will never have. me and my mum are so close and i find that once boys have grown up and left home they are never as attached to us mums as girls are!!!!

Still, i think everything happens for a reason so maybe i need 3 boys in my life to look after me

 

[angela2011]

I had strong feeling of gender disappointment when I found out my third was another boy. My husband was at work when I found out but we was going to meet for lunch to celebrate the gender reveal but when I heard boy I didn't want lunch I just wanted to cry. We only planned on 3 so I thought my dream of having a girl was over and was so depressed. Of course he was born and I would not trade him for the world and my boys got along so good. Almost two years later I was shocked to find out I was pregnant again but just knew it would be another boy. To my great surprise I found out it was a girl and was so overjoyed I booked a private scan ( five of them) just to make sure it was still a girl. She will be 4 next month and I love my mother daughter relationship and we are super close but she is a drama queen. Since her I have been pregnant with another little boy lost at 22 weeks and now again pregnant with another little boy. I can't say I did not want another girl so my little girl would have a sister but I after lossing one little boy I am over the moon that this baby is healthy regardless the gender. I never seen myself with 5 kids but they are my world. I love my boys and how close they are and I love to see how close my daughter is to them even though she bosses them around. You never know what the futures holds

 

[dollych]

Yes I have given up the hope that it was the cord!!!!. I still have a stupid hope that it will be a girl when babba is born, but I ignore my thoughts and tell myself to stop being stupid and that I'm definately having a boy because the sonogropher pointed to his willy on the scan!!!!.
I think It's just wishful thinking, but I know I will love him to bits when he's born just like I love my 1st DS.
I have a little hope that I will have a girl one day as my husband suggested having another baby the other day, But I just couldn't deal with it if i had a 3rd boy and would feel awful trying for another baby just to get my little girl .
I've read up loads on the internet about all the methods to try for a girl, but they are not 100% guaranteed. I'm watching guppy's thread on here who Is trying for twin girls to see if it really works.
I do believe in the shettles method because we conceived DS 1 on the day of ovulation and DS 2 the day before ovulation. We did try for 6 months to sway pink, but just didn't get pregnant as we were bd'ing 2 - 3 days before ovulation and I got impatient and ended up bd'ing the day before ovualtion and got pregnant straight away that month!!! so I tell myself we are destined to have another boy. xxx

 

[dollych]

P.S Yes I noticed there are no signatures on this section as well!!!