Should I get counselling? will FOB ever return

[Blue_star]

I found out I was pregnant in Feb, it was unplanned I am young 22 and my FOB/EX is 21. We have known each other along time. When he found out he was there for me for awhile said how happy it made him to know he was going to be a dad and how he wanted to be apart of his babies life something about it just makes him feel so happy seeing what his baby will become.

Well a few weeks later something happened and he changed his mind said he didn't want to be a dad and left town. This isn't the first time he has left town and come back he's done it before. His parents are being supportive and telling me they want to be the grandparents they even came to visit me and want to see the baby they are very sorry about how there son is acting and think he needs some kind of help but won't get it.

Should I get counselling to accept he is never coming back or is never going to see his LO?It upsets me so so so much that he could do that after he wanted to meet LO so badly and said how much he wanted to be in LO's life.

 

[teal]

Massive hugs How long has it been since he left town? Do you think that even giving it some more time might help you to accept how things are? It took me a while to really accept that I was going to be a single mum. I thought I had accepted it and was fine with it towards the end of my pregnancy but it was all fresh once my son was born. Even now I still have hard/difficult times.

If you feel that counselling could help you then you should go for it xx

 

[Blue_star]

Massive hugs How long has it been since he left town? Do you think that even giving it some more time might help you to accept how things are? It took me a while to really accept that I was going to be a single mum. I thought I had accepted it and was fine with it towards the end of my pregnancy but it was all fresh once my son was born. Even now I still have hard/difficult times.

If you feel that counselling could help you then you should go for it xx

He left maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago your FOB never wanted to see his son at all?

 

[teal]

No he's never wanted to see him. I don't think he actually wants to acknowledge he has a son.

His family know. I've met his sister once. His mum does have my number but never bothered to contact me. I feel they make excuses for him and I don't want to hear about it.

xx

 

[SilasLove]

Even if he comes back, do you really want to let him in to your childs life? I mean, how do you know he wont pack up and leave again and again. I can tell you from experience, it wont be as easy to let go when your LO is asking you all about where daddy has gone.

I know its difficult, and everyone struggles. My kids still have their father in their life but not in a way that I wish it could be. (He is in prison for 2 more years) It hurts me everyday to know that he is missing in their everyday life. Basically, in the end what you do for your family is best. But I do think you should get counselling to help you work through your thoughts and feelings you have now and with what may come if he does return and want to be part of your LO's life. xxx H&H

 

[Dezireey]

I am considering this also to deal with my emotions, so you are not alone. I go through phases about FOB, mostly negative though just different degrees of it e.g I hate him, I wish he would change and then I could shoot him down. sometimes I want to cause him so much emotional pain to comprehend what I have been through, its unreal.

I dont think you should think any thoughts of reconcilliation though. That used to upset me more than anything as I loved him so much and now that I realise what an awful thing he has done, its impossible to let him back into my heart. How can you want to be back with someone who can do something that hurtful? Im not sure if any other mums agree but just giving tons of support whilst pregnant and being at the birth and being at the end of the phone or calling me would have sufficed instead of the coldness and cutting me out of his life after 3 years together.

Dont hold out hope he will come around after the baby is born. My ex hasnt bothered at all to even ask how his child is, so best to move on as quickly as you can sweetheart.

 

[lemontree12]

like dezireey, i went through all the emotions, i was with my ex for 4yrs and truely thought this man was the one i would spend my life with. he walked out on me when i was 14weeks pregnant, he asked me to leave the home which i shared with his parents and with only 6weeks till my due date i still dont have a home. he is now in a new relationship which he walks around with her without a care in the world and has totally forgot about me and my baby. for along time i thought i was giving him time and space to come around to the thought of being a dad, but found out he had a new gf and it had pretty much been since we split, possibly before. i was heartbroken again, so then held out for the hope that he wanted to be in my daughters life. i know generally dont believe he will ever be there for her. and personally now think its better that way. i could never imagin dropping my daughter off to his house and trusting him to look after her soley after the pure cruelness he has already caused someone he claimed to love. then its the thought of his gf playing happy families with my baby. this is truely the hardest thing iv had to go through and he made me go threw it alone, and added shit loads of other stress to my plate.

youve got his parents on your side so that might go towards him seeing your baby. my exs parents are equally as bad as him and have choosen not to have their granddaughter in their life. to be honest the past 5months have shown me that their family is a bunch of digusting humans and i am grateful i never have to share my life with them any more.

sorry for the rant :/

it will be tough but one thing that helped me was putting on feelings on this website, knowing that other girls knew how i felt, because in my personally life iv never came across anyone to have to deal with these issues. if you ever need a chat feel free to message me. i think il be on the single parent website for a while to come xxxxx

 

[gracexxx]

i know how you feel, my FOB decided to totally cut me out when i was 7 months pregnant, leaving me to go it alone. My LO is now 11 weeks and he met her when she was just a few days old, thats been the only time. Like lemontree ive realised that i dont want someone like that to even be a part of my daughters life, i feel like i never actually knew him, if someone can abandon their own baby and put someone they claimed to have 'loved' through such heartache, do i really want someone like that in my life? no.
My health advisor suggested i have counselling and im going to go ahead with it, if it makes things easier to deal with then i say do the same