Should I go?

[Kayley]

Am unsure if I'm posting this is the right section but here goes...

Ever since my ex fiancé left me just before Xmas last year I have been planning a trip to Thailand for May 2014. Specifically this time because that was the month we were supposed to be getting married so I wanted to divert my emotions I suppose from planning my dream wedding to the man I was completely in love with to a trip of a lifetime. It is a trip for me to discover myself and to hopefully finally let go and move on.

Well 10 months down the line after lots of planning and decisions I finally have enough money to book the trip, it is sat in the bank screaming at me to get on and book my flight. HOWEVER even after all the planning, decision making, research and all the excitement, there is something stopping me from booking.

I know for a fact the thing stopping me from booking is my girls, I feel completely selfish for taking this trip alone and leaving them. They will be with their dads (who despite not being good partners I can't deny that they are pretty decent fathers!) I am planning 2-3 weeks so it's not a lifetime but I feel very anxious about looking selfish.

I keep thinking I could use the money to book a holiday for the 3 of us (even though that would be quite hard work)

Without being judgemental my question is - would you do it if you had the chance? Am I being a bad mother?

I had my eldest daughter at the age of 18 so I haven't really ever had the chance to experience things by myself. I never went on girls holidays or went to uni - my girls are my whole world. Should I take this break from reality to find myself?

 

[lovelylaura]

Yes!! Your children will be with their fathers so it will be a good bonding time for them too.

Sometime's you just need do something for yourself. Be brave it will be wonderful.

Also how are you going to feel if you dont go and may comes around and you feel sad because it was your wedding month and your trip of a lifetime? x

 

[zanDark]

There is nothing wrong with doing something for yourself!!

You know your kids fathers are great with them and this might be the only time you get to take a trip like this! You've obviously worked hard at saving up to be able to go so I think you deserve to go!

Just the fact that you have doubts shows that you're a wonderful mother

 

[sparkle_1979]

Honestly I wouldn't do it...saying that I don't for one second think you're a bad mother if you do go, in fact it sounds like you need it. They're with their dad so if you want to do it make sure you go and have a wonderful time, you may not have another chance

 

[sherple]

I wouldnt do it but thats only becasue im not brave enough to make that kind of trip on my own and id be scared stiff of something happening to me.
The leaving your girls thing, please dont worry about it. Like pps have said, they'll be with their fathers and youve said yourself, they're good dads. As long as they're both ok with it, theres no reason why not.

 

[Button#]

You've worked hard to save for it.

Your girls will be with a parent who you've said are great with them.

It's only a short time.

You're considering putting the trip of a lifetime on hold for your little girls.

I'd say you're a fab mum and you should go for it.

 

[tallybee]

Am unsure if I'm posting this is the right section but here goes...

Ever since my ex fiancé left me just before Xmas last year I have been planning a trip to Thailand for May 2014. Specifically this time because that was the month we were supposed to be getting married so I wanted to divert my emotions I suppose from planning my dream wedding to the man I was completely in love with to a trip of a lifetime. It is a trip for me to discover myself and to hopefully finally let go and move on.

Well 10 months down the line after lots of planning and decisions I finally have enough money to book the trip, it is sat in the bank screaming at me to get on and book my flight. HOWEVER even after all the planning, decision making, research and all the excitement, there is something stopping me from booking.

I know for a fact the thing stopping me from booking is my girls, I feel completely selfish for taking this trip alone and leaving them. They will be with their dads (who despite not being good partners I can't deny that they are pretty decent fathers!) I am planning 2-3 weeks so it's not a lifetime but I feel very anxious about looking selfish.

I keep thinking I could use the money to book a holiday for the 3 of us (even though that would be quite hard work)

Without being judgemental my question is - would you do it if you had the chance? Am I being a bad mother?

I had my eldest daughter at the age of 18 so I haven't really ever had the chance to experience things by myself. I never went on girls holidays or went to uni - my girls are my whole world. Should I take this break from reality to find myself?

I say stop worrying about what people might think, people will find something to judge whatever you do. It's not like you're swanning off without your girls all the time, it's a one-time thing. xxxx

 

[lau86]

Go for it! They will have a great time with their dads and it sounds like something you really need and deserve. Not selfish at all and yes I would do it in your situation

 

[Eleanor ace]

In your situation I'd do it. As you say it's only 2-3 weeks, which is nothing in the scheme of things and your DD's will be with their fathers, it will be a good chance for them to spend that time together.
It sounds as though this trip is much more than just a holiday for you, it's a chance to spend some time alone to gather your thoughts and take stock of your life. You'll come back fresher and hopefully happier (without thoughts of what would have been constantly nagging) and that will benefit your girls.

 

[emyandpotato]

You should go! You'll forever regret it if you don't. If it's something you do decide against though, you could feasibly go travelling with your girls, even do a gap year, when they're older? It's something I plan to do with my LO.

 

[jenny82]

.

 

[rosie272]

Absolutely! If you know your girls are being well cared for then why not? It'll be amazing

 

[Sarahkka]

Go!
Have an amazing trip!
Every parent needs to recharge and single parents need it even more! You've obviosuly put those kids first always. They are going to have great visits with their dads and you are going to get the first real you time in a very long while.
You aren't going into debt to do this. You aren't taking money from another necessary part of your household budget, or putting a huge burden on ayone else to do this. You don't have to justify this to anyone.
You are also fulfilling a promise to yourself, which is very important.
I say, drop the guilt and have an incredible trip, sister! You deserve it.

 

[Kayley]

Thank you all for your responses, they have been a massive help and have helped me make up my mind.

I also spoke with the girls dads last night and they both think I should definitely go - they said I would regret it if I don't.

I know I'm still going to have times of anxiety and wonder if I've really done the right thing but I guess it's part and parcel of being a mum lol.

Thank you xx

 

[sherple]

Good luck and i hope you have a fab time. Completely jealous that i couldnt do it.

 

[Amber4]

I wouldn't do it but I don't like the idea of doing anything on my own lol. But you should go for it. Sounds amazing and like you deserve it xx

 

[Kayley]

Hey ladies,

I know its been a while, but I thought I would just say that I DID IT!! I took 3 weeks out of work and out of my life and travelled to Thailand. A friend came with me in the end but I would have done it alone any way.

Yes I missed my girls ALOT but I facetimed them every other day (don't even ASK about the phone bill haha) and I kept so busy that I didn't have time to feel miserable.

After having my girls it is definately one of the best things I have EVER done! I had some many amazing experiences and met loads of great people - I came back feeling alive, refreshed and rebooted and I done it BY MYSELF!! Who needs a man!!?

I definately recommend getting out there and doing something like this - my only problem is I don't want to stop now - I need more world!!

 

[stephx]

Posted before I read your update!

So glad you went and had a great time!! x

 

[Tasha]

Oh wow, well done for going and how beautiful is that view?

 

[Sarahkka]

Yay! So glad you had such a great trip. Maybe we should have warned you about wanderlust... Oh well, you've got lots of time to plan and dream for the next big adventure!