Should I invite the father to the birth? & Birth Certificates

[LauraBee]

So, I originally planned on inviting him, but we haven't had a chance to talk properly for months now and it's not something I want to discuss via text or on Facebook or something... If you've read my other thread, you'll know that he's basically been quite a let down in terms of activeness during the pregnancy, so I don't doubt that he probably wouldn't turn up even if I asked him to.

To make things worse, I'm due over New Year, and I'm pretty sure that he'd rather stay out with his friends and get drunk then make an hour's journey to get to the hospital. In which case, I'll just be completely disappointed if I make the suggestion that he's there and he doesn't bother.

Another thing I was thinking about is having his name on the birth certificate. Now, currently in the UK unmarried parents must both be present to register the child's birth with both names on. So, I would actually like to get his name on the certificate but he has to make the effort to be with me when I register because I can't legally put his name down without his prescence (which is definitely stupid I think).

I was just wondering (from the single teen moms mostly) what are you going to do / have done about the FOB being present for the birth and having their names on the birth certificate?

 

[libbymarks198]

i would not have them present at the birth but would put them on the birth cerificate

 

[divershona]

FOB says he wants to be there for the birth but i don't want him there, way too awkward!!!!!

and he's not going on the birth certificate either, i want to live abroad once i have some money sorted out to be able to and if he is on the birth certificate then he has to give his permission. He's not likely to see LO much anyways as he's over a 4 hour drive away and doesn't work so doesnt have the money to come and see LO, and i'll be damned if im spending money all the time to go down there to see him when i won't be seeing a penny from him for things that LO will need. Only benefit i can see of him being on the birth certificate is that i could go for child maintence but considering he doesnt work he can't pay anyway

if he changes the way he is then i won't stop him seeing his son/daughter and im not going to stop him/her from knowing who his/her father is, i'll just be honest about FOB when LO asks

 

[LauraBee]

Thaks for your input girls.

Divershona - it may be different in Scotland but I know that in England the only way a guy doesn't have to pay maintainance is if he proves he's not the father (he has to provide the DNA test) regardless of who's on the certificate.

 

[QuintinsMommy]

my sons dad isnt on his bc , he wasnt around at all.
I could get child support w/o him on there
hes not acting like a father why treat him like one?

 

[amygwen]

It's completely up to you.

Had I been in your situation where FOB was not involved throughout the entire pregnancy, I would not have him present at birth and I would not have him on the birth certificate. Sure, he could change.. and if he does change you could add him to the birth certificate. You can still get support even if he's not on the birth certificate it's just a bit harder since you have to go through DNA testing to prove he's the father. Although it may be different where you live compared to the US. Either way though I wouldn't if I were you, he doesn't deserve the right to watch his child being born.

 

[candace]

I agree with amygwen.It's completely up to you!

 

[divershona]

Thaks for your input girls.

Divershona - it may be different in Scotland but I know that in England the only way a guy doesn't have to pay maintainance is if he proves he's not the father (he has to provide the DNA test) regardless of who's on the certificate.

thanks laura its the same up here (i think) but with him paying maintenence it means he has rights to his son/daughter (which if he changes his lifestyle and attitude i have no problem with) it also means that if he was to go for joint custody that would force me to have to move closer to him because apparently i don't live a travelable distance away and because i'm in education and not working its me thats got to move ... think i might find a job in shetland ... he can't force me to move if im working and he isnt hehe

 

[LauraBee]

I'm thinking I'll just leave it... I'll let him know when I'm in labour and he probably won't even figure that he needs to be present to get on the BC, so if he ever tries to turn the blame on me for either of these things, it's obviously not my fault.

Thank you girlies

 

[18singlemom2b]

glad to see you've made a decision you're happy with

i agree with everyone else here, i'm in a similar situation. the father and i talk off/on but he isn't there for me the way he should be, and i know he won't be. so i don't plan on having him at the birth or on the certificate. i don't really want his money either, because i don't want him to have any rights. but we might work something out between the two of us.

 

[Jadelm]

FOB will be told when I'm in labour and he can come to the hospital if he wishes but he won't actually be in the room when I give birth and I expect to enjoy a little time with my baby girl on my own before he's allowed to come in and commence the drama but I'm giving him a chance.. he's useless but you never know once she's here it might be the wake up call he needs.

He won't be going on the birth certificate though. He's done nothing for her, barely acknowledged her so he doesn't deserve any official rights, I want to be able to call the shots iykwim? x

 

[baby.moo]

I would tell him about being in labor and the birth and stuff but I would leave him off the birth certificate. If he hasn't been there so far I wouldn't trust him at all. Could all end up horrible and with that name on the certificate he has rights he doesn't deserve at this point. If he wants them he should have to fight for them because it sounds like hes basically ditched u so far..

 

[newmommy20]

well im due over new years too, its going to ba an exciting time. i opt'ed to not have the father present for serious reason, but only you can make the choice. When you give birth you want it to be as stress-less as possible or id think so..dont further add to it if you make the effort to extend the invation and he doesnt show. it emotional. did he say he wanted to be present if so, let him now its his responsibality to know when and were your not a mailman when giving birth the last thing you want to be thinking is if hes going to show, because no matter what your little one is going toshow and thats the only fact you can count on.

 

[young-mummy]

i am not having my OH on the birth citificate as he said he will make it hell - as now in the uk he gets as much say as the mother in pritty much everything- now im not stopping him being a dad if he wants to be (doesnt look like it) and i would allow him at the birth to see if he cares for his child to turn up but hes not having a say in what school my child goes to ect becasue he works away! so its 50-50 really.... if you dont think he will bother causein trouble then i cant see any harm xx