should I let the Babys father come when I deliver?

[hannadepo]

I'm new here and have had this question running through my head for days. I'm not considered a single parent yet but I certainly already feel that way. Here's the situation. Long story, going to try and make it as short as possible. I dated a guy for a year and a half, on and off, we were always arguing or he was doubting the relationship and would stop talking to me and get me all worked up and then finally when I'd get tired of being ignored I'd say fine I'm done, and then he would come back around. I cared about him a lot and had high hopes for our relationship so I'd allow this to keep happening. Let's also consider that he wasn't always very nice. He'd pick on me a lot for physical things or call me stupid because I haven't graduated from college. He's got a superiority complex and is 27, I'm 18 so he would definitely talk down to me and belittle me, just not so much as he started to when I got pregnant. flashing forward, I got pregnant at the end of February. In march he broke up with me, and then I found out I was pregnant. I told him and naturally he was angry and didn't want me to keep it and made all kinds of personal attacks. After a week he calmed down and adjusted more to the idea.he had me move in with him and he was nicer but had made it known before that I'm basically ruining his life and that he resents me, but then he acted happy and excited and involved. A month after we were living together I got a better job an hour away in Tucson so I moved back. I went and saw him on all my days off and things were going well. we planned for me to live there until the baby was born and then move back up after my maternity leave, as I would be able to transfer my job and continue to make good money. A week ago we got in a fight and basically he said he wants to see other people, called me fat (125 pounds and 20 weeks pregnant) and said he wishes anyone else were the mother of his child. He ignored me for 5 days after that and then emailed me, in a very business-like tone, that he wants to be around for the baby, would help financially in the mean time, but does not want to talk to me for the duration of the pregnancy. I don't want his money, I only ever wanted the emotional support, and to have a happy pregnancy experience. he lead me to believe we were going to be doing everything together, and now completely disregards me, and I'm going to be pretty much alone for the rest of the pregnancy. So my question is, do I tell him when I go into labor and let him be there, or because he's not there for me when I really need him most, should I just do it alone and then let him know after she's born so he can visit on my terms?

 

[hannadepo]

Quick edit - I don't mean visit her on my terms, I mean just call him to let him know I had her and then go to court to figure out visitation/custody

 

[Mummy1995]

Only have him there if you will feel comfortable with it x

 

[Ceejay123]

You have to do what makes you comfortable Honey.. Don't think about him. What's best for you is what's best fr your baby.. Don't use labor as a way of getting him to come around, think as if youre single, he's being a selfish, bullying Jerk x

 

[resursval]

My baby's dad came for 30 minutes... When I was just having labour not actually giving birth. He then claimed he had a meeting to go to (meeting one of his b-s that is).
It was then i realized what an asshole he really, really is.
Do what you feel is best for you. Dont take his feelings into consideration when its such an important thing.

 

[rockabillymom]

Its whatever you want. I dont plan on having FOB there for delivery but I told him he could come after the birth or wait in the waiting room. I figure ill already be stressed enough and I dont need FOB making it worse. its still a fresh wound so im still trying to get over him and seeing him I know makes it worse.

 

[pinkreality]

Honestly only you know the answer to this, before I had my baby I asked this question so many times to different people but it all balls down to what you are comfortable with. I'm glad my babys father was not there while I gave birth because I probably would have scratched his eyes out, when that pain hits and you need to push the situation is about YOU and what will make for a good environment. You really don't want to look over and see an assholes face while in labor. Personally for me, I wasn't on speaking terms with FOB but felt he deserved the right to know she was born so I called him so he could hear her first cry. He was angry that he wasn't there for the labor but I'm glad I made the decision not to invite him and I had time to bond with my baby and invited him the next day to come IF he wanted to. Good luck honey!

 

[teal]

Only if you feel comfortable with it

 

[fl00b]

i didn't have him there and him AND his mom hit the roof. i called them as soon as i gave birth and i got so many text messages swearing at me

do with whatever you feel comfy with, i didn't want him there as it was either him or my mom plus i felt it was too personal him looking at my bits again

 

[MissJayde]

I think you do what is right for you, giving birth is an emotional experience so you don't want him making it a negative one. I found out I was pregnant with my son after I left my ex. We already had a daughter together. I had to have a scheduled C section as my son was tangled badly in the umbilical cord and so I allowed my ex to be at the hospital but not in the theatre with me. I took my mum who I knew would support me and offer me the care and love I needed at that time. I let him be one of the first to see his son and hold him but he was there spending time with his daughter and sharing the joy with her too. Emotionally I didn't want him in the delivery room but I did want him to meet his son.
If he is being negative towards you - do you really need that stress too?

 

[spoiledgirl]

Probably he know his responsibility and dont bother him when you will be in labor. It will make things worst, if he wants to see his baby then let him be by his own way.