*sigh* Going it 100% alone

[Snowball]

Thought I'd post in here as I know ladies here can relate.

I hoped I'd never have to let get to this. As much as I disagree with 99% of ex DH's choices, we have 4 children together and I somehow wasn't quite prepared for him to just suddenly dump them.

I don't even think there's going to be a need for a solicitor anymore. He appears to just not love them... Well not like your run of the mill dotting dad does . I think there's a major difference in saying it and actually showing it and he hasn't shown them that he loves them at all in the past year

He wanted to be here xmas which I was reserved about because I felt it was more a show because of the time of year but I let him... then less than 2 weeks later he's not letting me know when he's going to turn up until the last minute. I've had to cancel plans this week because of the lack of notice and I've lost my temper over it. I'm not even a temperamental person but it takes the total piss considering he has 100% freedom yet can't give me even 24 hours notice because he's so 'busy'.

Only saving grace is that it's the start of 2012 and by him doing this it gives me the biggest kick up the arse to just move on 100% without him. Probably the right time as Louie is too young to remember things and to a certain extent so is Ozzie. I don't want them to share the first memories of him that the older two have, of him being a massive letdown who's too preoccupied with everything else going on to give them the time of day. The older two look more to my parents as parental figures than him thesedays anyway. They've been there so much for them whilst he was emotionally tearing me to shreds and they respect them for it.

Oh well, just a vent. I suppose it's onwards and upwards.

 

[TattiesMum]

I think you do still need to see a solicitor Sue ... these last minute appearances etc are all just a way that he can get at you

It's his way of still controlling you - he announces he's coming over and you change your's and the kids' plans to fit in with him which makes him feel all powerful and in control

If you don't get an agreed contact schedule nailed down by a solicitor then he's just going to keep on doing this to you all for ever and that's not fair on either you or the children ... Get his ass nailed to a regular schedule Hon

 

[teal]

Massive hugs

I don't have any advice about the solicitors or anything because my ex doesn't have anything to do with my son xx

 

[xSophieBx]

I agree with tattiesmum(as usual, the woman has brilliant advice) & think you should still c a solicitor.. get a contact thing set up and if he don't stick to it then stop all access.

 

[Crumbsx]

I agree with tatties mum, he's trying to gain control of the situation and everything by not telling you when he's coming until the last minute, which results in you changing plans. He knows your a decent person, and will change plans to allow your children to see their dad. But it's just making him feel more powerful.

I think you should just write him a letter/send him an email stating that you would like him to have regular contact with the children, then offer days and times and assume that he's going to agree. Then he can't use the excuse that he's too busy to let you know until the last minute, because he should then make sure that every Monday (for example) he's free so he can see the children.

If he's still adamant he's too busy to tell you until the last minute, then just say that he can only see the children on the days/times you've given and if he's not happy tell him to get a solicitor and go to court. Make sure you keep a copy of the letter you sent suggesting regular contact and then keep a record of the fact that he's said no, he can only let you know last minute. It will go in your favour that your offering regular contact yet he's basically declining it.

He needs to get his priorities right, children need stability. And having a dad who comes and goes when he pleases, so they never know when they are schedualed to see him next, is not good. He needs to fit around your and your LOs lifes, not the other way round.

 

[Laura2919]

I'd definitely still see a solicitor and have something in place. He just picks and chooses what he feels and does and thats not fair on your or the kids. I wouldn't let him just play around and think he can do what he wants. Show him your not willing for him to mess around with the kids future and if he doesn't want anything to do with them you will make damn sure he doesn't think he can pop in and out whenever he wants