Single devoted father needing help

[Dean]

Hi, I have been solely looking after my 14 month old boy for that last 8 months with his mother having him at weekends only. We live 70 miles apart and each Friday I drive to take him to her and then make the same drive on a Sunday to pick him up. I have my son in nursery each afternoon so that I can work and he is also registered with a doctor where I live. My son is a very happy little boy and we have a great relationship.
His mother claims all benefits as though he lives with her, and even claims for the nursery that i pay of which I have never had a penny off her. She really has lots of issues in life of which some examples are:
1. She has been evicted from 3 properties in the last 2 years due to non payment.
2. Has received 2 x ccj's in the last month alone.
3. Has had many jobs in the last 3 years which generally last about 4-6 weeks before she leaves.
4. Suffers from depression and is on mediation. (not a criticsm but a point I must make).
5. Is a heavy cannabis smoker and drinks a bottle of wine each night.

She does have a 13 year old boy from a previous relationship living with her and although I have listed issues above she is generally a good mum and he is oblivious to the issues I have listed.

My relationship with his mother has got worse and worse over time and she constantly uses my son as a weapon by threatening to take him back.

Ok, now after the background comes the question for help....... I am not registered on the birth certificate therefore technically have no parental rights. I have asked her numerous times to have myself put on however she refuses, she is quite clever and I assume will not do this because she will lose that one element of power over me she has. How do I legally go about gaining full custody and parental rights? Thanks, Dean

 

[hugomonkey]

Hi Dean sorry to hear your story !
Have you contacted a solicitor? or sought any legal advice ?
This Mum could turn up at any point and take your son and you have no leg to stand on
are social services aware of this situation as they may be able to help you too

 

[Dean]

I am going to go to citizens advice tomorrow to try and get this sorted ASAP. thanks for the reply.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Given that you are the primary carer for your child you have full parental rights, get yourself to a solicitor and explain all of this. Your ex shouldn't be claiming money for him and not paying for him, that could land her in a lot of trouble as it is benefit fraud. I would definately ask a solicitor though, sorry I can;t really offer anymore advice, good luck

 

[Pyrrhic]

Can I ask, how come you haven't informed the job centre that she is claiming fraudulently? Is it because you're worried about the birth certificate?

Can't believe some mothers are like this Well done for being such an amazing dad

 

[claire&holly]

I think it would be best to get in touch with a solicitor. your will probably have to have a dna test if you ex won't get your name on his birth certificate then you will probably have to go to court. but since you have been his main carer for a long time that will go in your favour. i hope you get a resolution soon, xxxxxxxxx

 

[Kirstin]

Shes breaking the law herself, threaten her with that if she tries to come and get him.

 

[Dean]

I have always let the benefit issue go as it has sort of kept her happy and as I have said she has always used him as a weapon against me. He is my life and using him to get to me (even so far only as a threat) works everytime. Also knowing the legal aspect ie not having parental rights has always been something that kind of scares me.
I am going to see CAB tomorrow and then a solicitor ASAP.
Thanks everyone for your support.

 

[Nikkinoonoo]

I have no advice for you but wish you and your son all the very best. xXx

 

[ToniAnne8]

Hi you could try starting a diary of your day to day events about what you do with the baby and who you pay, visit etc etc and that way if she tries to call you a liar in court and take your child away you will have proof. You could even get nursery/child minder to sign it every time you drop him off and pick him up.
As for the benefits then she is claiming fraudulently!!! My sister used to work for fraud investigators and it should be you who gets the benefits not her. Child/working tax credits are there to help parents of people with children who are workin to help pay for childcare.
Stop letting her use the child as a weapon....as far as I can see all she is interested in is the money!!!
Hope everything goes well at CAB and make an appointment with the solicitors asap!!!!!

 

[Gwizz]

I agree with these other girls, the CAB and a solicitor will help. And again a DNA test will most likely happen along with a court hearing to get u as the primary carer legally but with all the evidence u have of caring for him and her 'unstable' life then you should have no need to worry IMO.

Keep up the good work - u sound like an amazing dad

 

[tootsy1987]

Hey Dean i just found this thread and thought i would ask if u saw the cab people or solicitor and what they said? hope everything is ok, you sound an absolute amazing dad!! xxx

 

[jlosomerset]

Hi Dean

Not able to help on the legal issues but read ur story and didnt wanna run without saying that you sound like a brilliant dad.
My sister and I were bought up by our dad, our mum walked out when I was 5 and my sister 2, my dad received no financial help wotsoever from my mum and everyday I am thankful to him for what he did for us.
Single dads need alot more support and recognition for the fab job they do.
I sincerely hope that everything works out well for you x

 

[dali]

hi must be a terrible situation to be living with
i dont really know where you stand legally although you arnt on the bc im sure as his mother has left him with you and you seem to be making all the effort to keep her in contact with him, that the courts would grant you full custody if it comes to it. it certainly cant be best for him to be removed from the one stable parent he has, it would turn his world upside down, surely his mother mucst see this too ?
any way i just wanted to say good luck with the cab and i really hope things go your way, i think the fact she left him to begin with says it all really ( of course i dont know the reasons etc.. so sorry if that staetment causes offense to anyone , just my opinion )

really though the best of luck to you and your boy , sound slike you are doing a great job.

 

[sweetlouise]

my heart goes out to you dean, dont worrie too much, a simple dna test will show you as his dad and any wrong she could have done will be wiped out. this is the only thing she holds over your head so the sooner its sorted out the sooner you can go back to being a great dad

 

[Mummy&bump]

i wish all dads were lie u dean then mst of us on here wouldnt be in half the situations we are! you sound like uv got eveythin goin on the right path! as every1 else has said prob going 2 a lawyer would be best!

hope you get things all sorted out. good luck

xxx

 

[Seraphim]

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, other than to seek professional advice.
But I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with this, and I wish you a speedy solution x

 

[kaylynn040485]

My OH's ex didnt put him on the birth certificate and he had to go to court to get an order granting him right to parental responsibility. Think unless she agrees u cant be put on it but u can go down that route to have rights. Kx