Single mom and pregnant again :(

[Phoenix_Risin]

I already have a little boy who will be two next month. His father and I were together over three years and split one month after my sons first birthday. That was last November. My son and I moved to another state in order to make ends meet and be closer to my family. His dad is not involved in any way other than to call him on the phone. After being here and being single for about 7 months I started dating again. I had a short fling with one guy but it fizzled out about the time I started seeing someone else. Well I just found out yesterday that I'm 4-5 weeks pregnant, and I don't know which one of them is the father. I'm so ashamed I'm even in the predicament of being pregnant again let alone not knowing who the dad is. Right now I work as a nanny and bring my son to work with me so it's the best arrangement for us right now. I'm afraid this is going to cost me my job along with losing the benefit of not having to pay daycare. I'm pretty sure that ill end up being a single mom regardless of who the father is. I'm in school full time and it's hard enough with one child, I'm not sure how ill get through with two. I also don't know how or if to tell the two guys....do I wait until the baby is born or do I tell them now? Do I tell them about each other? I'm so conflicted as I didn't see a relationship going anywhere with either of them.... I guess I just came here to get this all out of my head....

 

[moomin_troll]

First of all, a huge hug to u. Don't be ashamed! Your not the only woman to have slept with two men close together. I could say its stupid to not use contraception ect but that's not helpful.
I don't see why ud lose ur job, so try not to worry.
Personally I'd tell both men ur pregnant and that ur not sure who the father is, and ask if they are interested in a paternity test once baby is born and go from there x

 

[Phoenix_Risin]

Thank u for responding. I have in fact told them both. One was more understanding than the other, although both suggested the a-word :-/

So now I'm just waiting for my first appt which is Friday afternoon to confirm for Medicaid (my bcbs doesn't cover maternity, go figure) and to make sure it's not an ectopic, which I had in '10.

I'm being positive from here on out. I can do this with or without help even if I don't ever know who the dad is.

 

[moomin_troll]

That's good. If they are stupid enough to not want to find out, then well more fool them! The father will be the one missing out on having a baby. It's difficult, stressful but the best thing in the world being a mum all at the same time.
Like now my two boys are fighting and I'm counting the seconds to bedtime, but when they hug and kiss me good night it doesn't matter
I hope you have friends and family around to help and support u

 

[daneuse27]

Don't feel ashamed Phoenix, you're a strong woman and you're going to continue to be for both of your children.
As moomin troll said, I don't think that this can legally cost you your job. How long have you been working there, and is it an official job or just under the table? There are laws in most countries to protect women from losing their jobs for family-related reasons, so definitely look into that.
In most cases there is also help to pay for child care for women who are earning below a certain income level, which as a student you most likely are.
Do both men realize that its not 100% certain they're father? I don't think There's any way to know for sure (I could be wrong) until the baby is born. I think its always good to know who the father is, for genetic reasons - its your decision though. So if you decide you'd rather know, then they will have to take paternity tests.
You're going to be a great mom of two Remember that!

 

[Rags]

Hi Phoenix you sound as though you're being positive, good for you. Take each step one at a time. Have you're scan then plan you're next step. There's no reason why you should lose your job, if you're employer is happy for you to have one child with you then fingers crossed 2 won't be a big deal, if you were looking after my DS I'd not have an issue with it (infact at the moment my son is desperate for me to have a baby so you would be a god send!).