single mom to be in 30s

[shesaid]

within 3 weeks of finding out i was pregnant i had a phone call from the long term bf that 'he doesn't want to be a dad' and because im gonna choose to keep this baby against his wishes he doesn't want anything to do with it. i said fine, and bye and hung up on him. (ironically he's a counsellor!)
im now 21 weeks, and since this time the ex hasnt contacted me and i have not contacted him.

im feeling so let down and angry with him that he isnt prepared to face up to his responsibilities and it pains me that my child isn't going to have a father.
i have thought about contacting by phone or email and just vice my frustration, yet i know it is maybe not the best thing to do.

what would you do?

 

[gemabee]

this is very much like my situation.
i just ignore my fob (after a lot of initial arguments)... i messaged him a month ago sayin that he had to pay child support so was he prepared to do it amicably or did i need to take him to court... he said we would sort it amicably.
so i will email him a month before my due date nd tell him we need to make the arrangements.
at first i vented my frustration at him... but all that did was make me even more frustrated because i never got the response i needed off him!
maybe jus do what i did... send him a message... let him know the facts of what his legal responsibilites are nd ask him whether he intends to do it the easy way or the hard way.
don't get angry or frustrated with him... at the end of the day he will never fully get out of his responsibilities nd he is the one losin out.
big hugs xxxx

 

[popples]

I'm in a similar situation too. I'm 34 weeks pregnant now and the father of my child told me he wasn't ready for the commitment when I was 13 weeks. I didn't handle the situation well and basically we exchanged a lot of angry retorts. I haven't heard anything from him since and all I can say is it gets easier with time. Accepting the situation is difficult but once you do and look on the positive side, you can look forward to the future. My situation is complex in the fact their has been a lot of lies on his part and I cannot trust him. I would like to sort things out amicably but I will be taking the legal route and going straight to the CSA. I wrote him many letters but didn't send them. It did help me get all the anger and disappointment out of my system. Also talking to my friends helped immensely. I think we all hope that men who turn their back on their children will come to their senses and I know some do. However we can't pin our hopes on that happening. I would do whatever feels right for you and your situation.
I hope this helps.
X

 

[teal]

I've had a similar experience. My ex broke up with me when I told him I was pregnant - he tried to push me into a termination but I refused. I've not spoken to him since I was 4 weeks pregnant.
I did have a few nasty emails around Christmas time but he's since moved, changed his phone number and cancelled his email account so I have no way of contacting him. (I tried to email him to let him know he had a son but the account was closed)
I'm still angry about what he's done but he's the one missing out and he'll realise it one day but it'll be too late.

You'll be more than enough for your baby. Do you think he'd be willing to listen if you emailed him? Just that you don't want to have extra stress to deal with while you're pregnant. Huge hugs xx

 

[Sandie_Cali]

To be honest, let him stew in his own poop. Let him go and I will guarantee you he will be back, they always come back in one way or another. Just live your life without him, enjoy your pregnancy and dont contact him at all.

I am sorry you are going through this, too many good women for some reason end up with losers and run away fathers. If he didnt want to be a father so badly he shouldve had a vasectomy or used a condom.

 

[LittleMadam]

I agree with the other posts, especially Sandie_Cali. Don't bother contacting him because, quite frankly, it's his bloody turn! And you won't be able to persuade him to become interested. You can go the legal/state route for child support when LO is born, but there is always a downside. And that is having him declared father (this will happen if you go for $$) and having to share your baby with him. If he ends up paying, then he could want access. Are you sure you want him in your life? I can understand that you may want a father for your LO but, as I read somewhere on here, kids don't really miss what they never had, and there are a lot of strong, successful single mothers out there.

All the best whatever you decide. xx

 

[billy2mm]

write down what you want to say to him then bin it. get it all out and then move on from it.

he has a responsibility to financially support his child whether he wants to be a dad or not - you didnt make this baby by yourself.

its amazing being a single mum - every single hug, kiss and smile is for me and me alone. i taught my kids how to walk, talk, laugh play everything. who they are now is all because of me.

not gonna lie - its tough sometimes. when you are ill or tired you have to put your illness or whatever to the background and concentrate on your child. the other day i was suffering from a migraine (well the migraine was over but i was suffering the after effects) and my eldest had caught a tummy bug and was vomiting. my mate said to me something about how i was coping with both of us being ill at the same time i just replied "i dont have time to be ill now - ill be ill when they are in bed asleep"

congrats on your pregnancy hun and have a happy and healthy 9 months!

 

[gemabee]

write down what you want to say to him then bin it. get it all out and then move on from it.

he has a responsibility to financially support his child whether he wants to be a dad or not - you didnt make this baby by yourself.

its amazing being a single mum - every single hug, kiss and smile is for me and me alone. i taught my kids how to walk, talk, laugh play everything. who they are now is all because of me.

not gonna lie - its tough sometimes. when you are ill or tired you have to put your illness or whatever to the background and concentrate on your child. the other day i was suffering from a migraine (well the migraine was over but i was suffering the after effects) and my eldest had caught a tummy bug and was vomiting. my mate said to me something about how i was coping with both of us being ill at the same time i just replied "i dont have time to be ill now - ill be ill when they are in bed asleep"

congrats on your pregnancy hun and have a happy and healthy 9 months!

i fully agree with this!
in the early days i would start writin out a long ramblin email to fob... callin him names... havin a go... nd basically puttin the world to rights(!)... after i'd spent maybe 30mins to an hour writin it, i would read it over a few times, then realise... why the f*ck should i let him know how much he has hurt me!! he doesn't care... so i would delete the entire thing. but it helped me realise what my issues where nd what i needed to work through in my head.
it helped a lot!
xx

 

[whoops]

In a similar situation as well - I'm nearly 21 weeks, haven't seen FOB since I was about 5 weeks, and have only heard from him a handful of times in between. He does feel guilty about abandoning me and the LO but he's in another relationship and not willing to sacrifice that.

I plan on contacting him about his financial responsibilities nearer the time. I also plan on letting him know when the baby is born, and sending him a couple of photos so at least I'll be able to tell my child that I did try. To be honest though, if he doesn't want to be involved then I can't make him. Amazingly, I'm not even too angry with him - maybe that will change when this LO makes an appearance.