Single mum and proberly will be again

[Becyboo__x]

This might not be in the right section if so just remove it..
i didn't know where else to post..



I have a son from a previous relationship he left me at
16 weeks ..due to rumors going round the baby wasn't his
(he is obviously) but he believed everyone over me and thats
the last i heard of him as he blocked all contact..

But im pregnant now only early stage with my new parnter
who iv been with around a year now.. we have had our ups
and downs obviously but before i found out i was pregnant
we had a break because i just didn't feel the same anymore
and needed some space to think.. (we was ttc) but took a break
but then i found out i was pregnant and it was just automatic we
got back together.. (which isn't right) .. but it started to be okay
again between us.. but recently i just feel so depressed (i used to
suffer from Bipolar but took medication for it) its suddenly just hit me
really bad and aat night all i think is why am i doing this i shouldn't be
if i don't feel happy? .. but what am i ment to do when i have another
baby on the way i don't want to stay with OH if i don't feel
happy as its not fair but if this happens again all my family will be
agenst me and his will hate me .. but they just won't understand
what i feel but i know ill get judged anyway for being a single
mum of 2 .. from different dads

I don't want anyone to start judging me or giving me stick about this
(you should of wrapped it up) etc because we was happy and was engaged
but it just took a change and it was a shock i was pregnant as i didn't
get pregnant for months and i wasn't having periods, doctors had a
good feeling i wasn't ovulating if i was it was not as often as normal.

But i just want some advise off anyone who has been through this
or knows of anyone and what to do etc i feel lost right now and just
feel so down i just want to lock myself away and cry

 

[emeraldbaby]

Hugs
First of all congratulations on your little miracle.
As for your unhappiness with the baby's dad... I wouldn't rush into making any decisions about your relationship just now as you are in a vulnerable state. Pregnancy plays with our emotions and can cause us to be anxious... not to mention you said in the post that you have a history of bipolar (and pregnancy can often exacerbate mental illness). Keep all this in mind.
If your oh is being abusive, definitely get out asap. If he is a generally decent guy, then I would bide your time and give your feelings an opportunity to change. When you see him loving the child you created together it may just become the start of something really wonderful.
I want you to know I don't judge you at all. I hope it turns well for you.
Don't be too shy to ask your doctor or midwife for extra support, there are many things they can offer pregnant women who aren't coping as well as they'd like.
And the single parents here are always happy to give advice or listen to venting, so you aren't alone.
All the best! x

 

[AnnabelsMummy]

Of course being a single mum of two is difficult, but it's possible if your relationship is that bad. I guess you just get on and deal with what you have too.

I would also say don't rush any decision, make sure you feel that if you end it, it's really what you want.

i agree with the above post. If he's abusive and bad news, get out now, if not maybe give it a chance. Sometimes a family is about team, who will be there for you etc, and you take that for granted.

You're deffinatly not alone. feel free to chat if you want. And don't under estimate how much you can feel low etc and like things are rubbish when you're pregnant and have a toddler (who's draining your energy).

oh and i don't judge you at all. don't worry about people judging you, just think about those supporting you!

 

[emalou90]

oh bec xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

All i can say is, if anyone judges its only because they don't know the whole story.
You will be able to do it all by yourself just like you did with Mason

After everything you have been through this baby was meant to be!
Maybe give it some time, try a no pressure approach with FOB ? you guys could just start hanging out again without any pressure from the new baby or sexual or anything, just like dating! Cinema, dinner... things like that?
It might work hun, all you can do is try.

If not, then so be it... you'll be hurt but you can do it! Just look at Mason

xxx

 

[Becyboo__x]

Everyone is saying its because of my hormones but its not
we had a break before i found out because i didn't feel the same
anymore and obviously i didn't want to go through what i did with mason
again because its just not what i wanted i wanted a family and to do it
together not on my own... but i don't want to carry something on im not
happy with .. hes not abusive or anything.. but i don't feel the same about him
and it won't change ill just be living a lie and pushing myself to make something
work i don't want

I won't have no support though if i chose to do this as my family will be
angry at me im thinking being a single mum yet again.. and his family won't
like it either.. but i guess its life.. Iv told him i don't feel right anymore and
he knows i haven't for ages he sort of knows why tbh he lives in a dream
world no sorting anything out for us as a family and i jut can't deal with that

 

[emalou90]

Oh i understand now!
Well if you dont feel right about it then you should do what you feel is right. Unfortunately yours and his family will have to accept that you dont feel the same and when you took a break from each other it just so happened you fell pregnant. Its nobodys fault.

Is your FOB not understanding that you dont want a relationship anymore because it doesnt feel right?

Feelings change and you cant help it, you dont want to stay together just because of the baby
Also, about being mum to two babies from two dads... who cares? nobody needs to know in day to day life i certainly dont judge people because you dont know whats happened in their life.
xx

 

[Becyboo__x]

Thankyou
its so hard im a very hard person to even be with .. sometimes
im not but i have depression and really it ruins every relationship iv
ever had from the age of 16 anyway.. but tablets made me feel really
and seeing a councilor but now i just get like a few months where it comes
back then it will go again.. it creeps up on me .. but he understand all of it
anyway he just don't know what to say or do because he can't do anything
hes just got to accept how i feel and he said he still wants to be close friends
so overall he will take it okay and he still wants to come to scans and stuff
and i can't really stop him coming as his ex did this to him with his 1st
so obviously i wouldn't do that to him..

I think its just see what happens i don't think it will change how i feel
specially not how every night i think about everything and i don't see him
in my future anymore which isn't good

 

[Dezireey]

Try not to focus on what people will think or what you should do, because thats the 'done thing'. You need to think about what really makes you happy. If you realise that you will not or never be happy with the father of this child, then dont be with him or at least take a break from him to assess your emotions and feelings. You may find that things will get better, worse or stay the same when baby is born, only time will tell. I know a lovely lady who actually as of a month ago, now has four kids from four different dads. People look at her and think WTF? but she was in love with each of them, married to three of them and they left her. She has exceptionally bad tatse in men and she cant go on the pill or synthetic hormones as its dangerous for her. She has had to rely on other methods and they obviously didnt work. She would still be with her first husband if she had the choice but life didnt work out like that for her. Dont judge yourself and dont allow others to judge you, they dont know what you have been through and I really do think some women who judge single mums who might have two kids by two different fathers need to realise that they might only be in their perfect position because of pure luck. i.e chose a partner who sticks by them and / or wont leave them. We dont have crystal balls, we cant predict if a man is going to stay with us or not, its bloody pot luck half the time with relationships.

Hope you feel better about it all soon. Hugs xx

 

[emalou90]

I have meds for anxiety and depression because of everything ive been through (i think you know regarding my Dad etc)
and im horrible sometimes to people and that will ruin relationships too. so i understand

Take each day as it comes, if you stay friends, at least if in the future you feel differently, you can give it a try and if not, well theres no harm in being friends for babies sake! xxx

 

[Becyboo__x]

Iv got it all now .. The main thing i get judged on is that
i don't have a job etc and i cannot find one so my only option is
to go to college or do an apprentaship which i will never find..

And i live at home still because of my first relationship with ds's dad promising
me all these things we was both 17 so was young .. but he had all things
set for us then left me at 16 weeks for someone else.. .. so i had no
choice but to stay at home luckily my family was supportive..
But this time.. again me and this guy im pregnant with now we was saving
to move obviously but now its all changed because of me doing what i have
my mum is the only one family wise who knows about the pregnanacy i live with
my dad but shes basically said iv got to tell my dad soon as possible
basically if i don't she will and shes said i will get kicked out most likely
so made matters worse for me..

The fob to this one will be able to afford somewhere soon id imagine..
so it leaves me no where.. but he said he would pay for me to get a place
but obviously i don't find that fair on him and we can't exactly live together
as i won't feel right it will make matters worse..
Im at the end of what to think or do right now i was really upset last night
because my mum basically saying horrible things to me that i won't cope with
2 kids and ill be homeless soon

 

[sienarose]

I am pregnant with my second child and although to the same dad it wasn't planned and shouldnt have happened but after having a miscarriage previously I know what a blessing this baby really is. I have no family support and live alone with my daughter and whilst it is hard and I am absoultely petrified of raising another child on my own, I hope things will work out the way they are meant to as I do believe things happen for a reason. Are there any family support groups or anything around where you are they might be able to help you find somewhere to live? Once you dont have the stress of fearing being kicked out or having to stay with someone who don't feel the same for I'm sure you will feel tons better. Pregnancy completely messes with your hormones as well so just hang in there, things will get better and you will get through it xx

 

[emalou90]

Sorry but what sort of mother says things to upset her daughter?
maybe she didnt mean to but she didnt have to say that your dad will kick you out.

what you need to do is go to the council and stick your name on the housing list, get your dad to write you a letter saying you need to be out before a certain date and the council will find you somewhere quicker than a lot of other people (hopefully)

i hope it works out. keep your head up.

once youve got a roof over your head then you dont need to worry. Once your baby comes along you'll get loads of support xxxx

 

[Cazamatazaaa]

Hey hun!

I just want to start off by saying I am a single mummy to 2 kids, and its very hard BUT its the most rewarding thing in the whole world, and I do have days where I think "I cant do this" but I have more days where I look at them and know that this is why I was put on this planet! I adore my kids, I have suffered on and off with depression but I can honestly say the cause of all that was the dads dragging me down!!!!

You can do it sweety! Im 23, nearly 24, and just seen you live in Notts too! inbox me, lets have a chat! no1 said it would be easy, but then if it was easy life would be a breeze and it wouldnt give us chance to appreciate it things and realise what we have! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx