Single mummy to be!

[sophieee18]

So im not a single parent yet, but I will be next month!
I just wanted to introduce myself into this forum.

Me and Tom (FOB) had a brilliant relationship. Everything was a bit rushed though. I moved in with him after only being together for three months, due to getting a job near his house. Later on that month I found out I was pregnant. We wasn't trying for a baby, but we wasn't using contraception. 9 weeks later, I misscarried.
Although it was hard for us, we both agreed that it would be best for me to go on the pill. After a month of using the pill, I found out I was pregnant again and it was a huge shock! I am 100% against abortions, and Tom understood this and we agreed to bring up the baby.

So we had a fairly stable relationship thoughout my early pregnancy. When I was about 14 weeks I moved back home with my dad as I had antenatal depression and it was making things difficult between me and Tom.

We carried on the relationship, everything was perfect. I saw him every weekend and maybe during the week occasionally. He was so involved. We would go baby shopping together, and he would talk to my belly. He was so excited to be a dad.

One evening, after my grandads funeral, me, Tom, my brother and my cousin went to the pub for a little drink. My brothers frined turnt up and soon we had quite a loud group. I decided to go home, but left FOB there.
When he came home, he was very drunk but something didn't feel right between us. I found out he had met someone that night.

When I confronted him, he just said 'OK, we're not working out. I don't want a relationship with you anymore'

Of course this was hard for me to accept, but I did accept it.

I tried calling him, texting him just to keep him involved in the baby's life. But He ignored me all the time!
He is now in a relationship with this girl that he saw behind my back.

I text him today. I said 'Can you just let me know if you want to be in the baby's life. I need to know where I stand. One minute you want to be involved, the next you don't. Just tell me simply if you want to be involved or not and we will leave it as that.'

He replied - 'Im not ready to be a dad sophie. You broadcast on facebook that you need a new baby name, and that im not going to be his dad. Whats to say that 7 months down the line you f**k me off again and I can't see him? That's gunna send me over the cliff and f**k his head up so I think the option is that you want him to yourself so I want to stay away.'

I said - 'I didn't broadcast on facebook anything about you not going to be his dad. I said things when I was angry, but I have already appolgised to you for saying them things. I wasn't looking for a new baby name, I was asking if people liked the name Ronnie for a middle name.
And don't put it all down to me. I've tried to get you involved but you ignored me all the time. But OK thanks for letting me know.
Am i getting the money you owe me back or are you going to f**k me off for that as well? And also if you weren't ready to be a dad, why did you say you was for 30 weeks?
Just let me know if im getting the money you owe me cause I have borrowed it off my dad, and now owe it to him. It's a bit difficult to find £300 from somewhere when you've got a kid to bring up on your own'



So basically, he no longer wants anything to do with the baby.
Im finding it so difficult. And I know that there are hundreds of girls out there that are single mummys and do an amazing job.

I feel that my son will find it hard growing up without a father figure.
I also feel that I will never be able to find someone. What man wants a women who is a mum?

Please help me cheer up. I feel so down.

Im sorry this has been so long, thank you for reading if you did!!

XXX

 

[Linz88]

im soo sorry hun, men can be soo mean...
your bf is using that as an excuse.. the new girls probaby sayin he cant be involved.. but if soo you dont need him.
your son wil be fine.. you jus need to make him no you tried your best to keep him involved.. im sure he'l come around anyway..
and to the what man wants a women with a baby.. having a baby isnt a bad thing.. a mature man who wants to be with you for the long run wouldnt mind.. its them kids that doo

 

[lauramarie]

your son will be fine, he'll have all the love he needs from you. It is a difficult situation to be in, no one wants to bring up a child without a father, but he will be fine. it gets said a lot on here, but it is his loss, you have something so precious. I agree with linz that it prob has a bit to do with the other woman, but unfortunatley, as i have also found out there is very little you can do about it, but wait for them to come to their senses, if they ever do. you never know he may change his mind when LO is here.

i feel the same about meeting someone else, but there are so many woman who do, i just see it as i haven't met the one for me yet, but im not giving up hope. I went through the same, im just 10 month down the line and it is a lot easier, and trust me having you LO will help to, not long to go hun xx

 

[purpledahlia]

He will change his mind im certain, Just try get that money he owes your dad and just focus on getting things ready for baby, I wouldnt contact him again but leave the door open for him to contact you if he changes his mind. x

 

[lou_w34]

agree with above



xx

 

[rosie5637]

oh you poor thing

i have been single since i was 4wks pregnant with my son. when i told his dad i was pregnant and he said we'd be ok and cuddled up to me on the sofa it was one of the best moments of my life. it was very short lived though. he left that same night and hasn't been back since!

it's his loss at the end of the day. i'm sure you'll make a great mum.

my son is 4 now and has never even asked about his dad or why he hasn't got one like his friends. i think he doesn't know any different, to him having no dad is normal.

i'm sure he'll ask one day. when the time comes i am determined not to say anything bad about his dad. i will be as honest as i can but i think he should be able to make up his own mind as to what sort of a person his dad is and if he wants a relationship or to find him i won't say no. it will be my job to pick up the pieces if it doesn't go well but i think my son is very secure in himself and don't think it will bother him tbh.

having a dad is great but it's not absolutely detrimental to not have one. my dad left when i was six and i turned out alright

don't give up on meeting mr right. a friend of mine and my mum both met their husbands whilst having 3 kids in tow and it didn't put them off! if anything you're probably more likely to find a really decent guy rather than a few that mess you around.

good luck with it all. just try to forget about him and enjoy your baby. having my son was the best thing thats ever happened to me and i've never wished it could have happened differently

 

[teal]

Sending you huge hugs

I agree about leaving the door open for him but don't go out your way to contact him. You really don't need all this extra stress so close to your due date.

I'm having a boy too and I also worry about him not having a father figure xx

 

[besterd]

I'm sorry to hear that. Some people just try to avoid the responsibility for being a parent and I think that's the case with Tom. However, you will be fine being a single parent. We are 3 brothers and also grew up without a father figure in our life. I must admit that we turned out fine...

But eventually you will find someone again. I know of many women that has met new guys even with a child. Not all guys are the same!

 

[xJG30]

Huge hugs, your son won't need a father figure when he's got an already perfect mum.

We all feel like we won't meet someone purely because we're single mums, but there is somewhere out there, who will love and accept you and your son.