Sleeping with somebody who isn't your babys daddy..

[mBLACK]

Just wondering what everybody's thoughts are about this. I must admit I did this on occasion, my OH and I split up when I was about 7 weeks along. Now anything sexual with anybody feels wrong, but I did 'slip up' a couple times before.
Everybody else's thoughts?

 

[leeanne]

TBH, if I was separated from OH and was pregnant I wouldn't sleep with anyone else.

First of all, knowing I was pregnant and that in itself would make it feel wrong.

Secondly, knowing I was pregnant with another's child, would make it feel wrong.

These are only my thoughts and feelings as to what I would or would not do.

I just couldn't be sexual with anyone at that time and would definitely wait it out until after my child was born. Even then, a mother's attitude comes into effect and I just couldn't sleep with anyone unless I had been dating for quite awhile and knew it would lead to a more serious relationship.

 

[brownhairedmom]

Ohhhh, if you only knew how many times I have debated/wanted to do this. But I can't bring myself to.

 

[mBLACK]

I just couldn't be sexual with anyone at that time and would definitely wait it out until after my child was born. Even then, a mother's attitude comes into effect and I just couldn't sleep with anyone unless I had been dating for quite awhile and knew it would lead to a more serious relationship.

I know what you mean by the mother's attitude part, it wasn't really 'real' for me until I felt my baby kick for the first time! After that I refused to have any sexual contact with anybody/anything. Not toys, not touching, nothing!
Before that I did sleep with somebody who wasn't my baby's daddy and boy do I regret it now, I feel my body is like a sacred space for me and my baby - it just didn't seem real at the time!

 

[leeanne]

Well, you have to think about even after you have your baby and as that child grows up. What will they learn from a mother who has a one night stand?

I look at my OH's ex. She has 3 kids from 3 different fathers. She is 37 and has no one. Why? Imagine the guy who starts to date her. It would be more accepting if she had 3 kids by one father, but what does a guy think by seeing three kids from three different fathers?

What do those kids learn?

The other ex has violent relationships. What does that child learn from those relationships and the child is a boy?

 

[leeanne]

To elaborate as I did go off-topic slightly is that starting while pregnant to make the best choices for yourself will go a long way to ensure the child will learn love and "right" relationships later on.

 

[mBLACK]

To elaborate as I did go off-topic slightly is that starting while pregnant to make the best choices for yourself will go a long way to ensure the child will learn love and "right" relationships later on.

That's true, I always beat myself up for it now cause I feel bad! I let myself get pulled in by men sometimes, especially since this was a guy I have loved for a long long time..

 

[leeanne]

Men can be manipulators, that's for sure. So can women.

Always remember though that it's your baby who is more important now and whatever you do your child will be watching you with big eyes and learning from you.

 

[mBLACK]

Men can be manipulators, that's for sure. So can women.

Always remember though that it's your baby who is more important now and whatever you do your child will be watching you with big eyes and learning from you.

Yeah I try to remember that all the time! I try not to swear now too.. don't want my son to pick up bad habits! My mom also has kids from 3 different guys, mind you I love my brother and sisters but whew.

 

[leeanne]

 

[xXx Vamp xXx]

I remember you talking to me about this actually rae. I really don't think I could, I have no problem with sex whilst pregnant, just sex with someone who wasn't the babies daddy, I don't think I could? I know plenty who have.

 

[ani]

mBlack, I think this is an issue with no easy yes or no answers. You are the only one who knows your own situation, so you'll have to make the judgment. Sleeping with someone else when you're pregnant will not harm the baby and if it makes you feel relaxed and good, it might actually even be a good thing. But only you know!
After the baby is born it will be a totally different situation again. The baby will be more aware of who is there and what's happening. But I doubt that you will be wanting any sex for a while after the birth anyway

 

[Baby-Love]

I look at my OH's ex. She has 3 kids from 3 different fathers. She is 37 and has no one. Why? Imagine the guy who starts to date her. It would be more accepting if she had 3 kids by one father, but what does a guy think by seeing three kids from three different fathers?

What do those kids learn?

The other ex has violent relationships. What does that child learn from those relationships and the child is a boy?

Uhmm, touchy subject for me.

My sister has 3 kids and they're all by different fathers.
I don't think it's any of her future partner's business. nor should she be frowned on for her having her kids by separate fathers. Sure she made the mistake of forming a relationship with the wrong guys...However, she conceived three beautiful kids. It's not as if she just went out and fucked some random and just fell pregnant. Unfortunately her relationships didn't last.
What will her children learn? Hopefully not to make the same mistakes. Also to face up to responsibilities, and that it proves parenthood can be done alone. That life moves on after a failed relationship. Also that their parent's still love them, even if they are separated. Although, they're easy mistakes to happen. Love is blind, and at the time she did in fact 'love' each one of their fathers.
They're all bar one of the fathers still remain in contact with their kids and provide for them.
My sister doesn't have to explain herself or feel bad for her choices, it wasn't just her in the equation. She chose to do the right thing and support every child and loves them all unconditionally. That is all that matters.

In my opinion, if a mother wants to have a little fun here and there, why shouldn't she? If she's single, taking precautions and not subjecting her child/children to it..go for it. Making sure her child/children's needs are met first. The mother has needs too.. Even if it's spending a night cuddling up with someone and watching a movie. I know my sister gets terribly lonely. She's now by choice remained single for somewhat amount of years. She herself doesn't like the idea of having her kids by different fathers, but that is just how it worked out. If a man doesn't like it, he doesn't have to date her.

I personally couldn't get involved romantically if I was pregnant with someone who wasn't the baby's father. Each to their own though.

And as for violent relationships? I've witnessed those as a child..
My sister was in a violent relationship.. hence why she doesn't see one of the fathers.
Domestic dispute can happen to any family and at any time.
Not all kids turn out to be abusers. I am not condoning women/men who choose to stay in relationships with abusing spouses, especially when they have kids in the mix. However, it's easier said then done to break away. There are usually emotional games behind and abusive attack. My mother always told me that the mental abuse was way worse than the physical.
They wear their spouses down and manipulate every situation. Not to mention usually isolate you from anyone who can help you. Leaving you feeling trapped, alone and fearing for your life and that of your kids. Yes, usually the abuser threatens to hurt or take away the kids.. What parent wouldn't stay to endure the pain, in order to spare their kids being hurt?

So many factors. It's not easy living or coming from the background of these disaster relationship settings.. However, some people need to look at the full picture. Not everything is black and white.

People need to stop being so judgmental and try and step out of society's opinions.

Sorry about the babbling on.

I get kind of sick of people always looking down on people in certain predicaments. Sure some cases are those of where women sleep with lots of guys and pop out kids here and there. Also cases of women putting their kids at risk and children being abused. Most of the time it isn't the case. It's people like those that give people like my mother and sister a bad name.

I know that through seeing what my mother and sister put up with made me stronger. I am sure it'll be the same for my sister's children. I am without a doubt going to pass what ever knowledge to my child.

 

[xarlenex]

I dont think I could have slept with someone who wasnt my babies daddy whilst I was pregnant. Just woudnt feel right at all to me. Just personal opinion though x

 

[Gabi]

No I wouldn't.
It's already horribly difficult to get myself to do anything sexual with my DH! I couldn't be arsed!
But even though he's my husband and I've been in a serious relationship with him alone for over 5 years, when I feel LO moving during sex it's difficult enough. I don't think I'd be able to handle someone else.

 

[nikky0907]

I honestly wouldn't either.

But it more has to do with the fact that I want this pregnancy to be just me and her,nobody else involved.Plus I agree with Lee-anne,as a single mom I need to make some plans and rules about this for the future.

Behave like a mother that I am going to be...I with no offence to anyone,belive that a parent should be and is a role model,especially to a young child.They always seem to think that their parents are all-knowing and look up to them.

And I thought it was going to be hard to give all that up ( my love life,the way it was before I got pregnant),but surprisingly it wasn't....ok,just a bit

 

[leeanne]

Uhmm, touchy subject for me.

My sister has 3 kids and they're all by different fathers.
I don't think it's any of her future partner's business. nor should she be frowned on for her having her kids by separate fathers. Sure she made the mistake of forming a relationship with the wrong guys...However, she conceived three beautiful kids. It's not as if she just went out and fucked some random and just fell pregnant. Unfortunately her relationships didn't last.
What will her children learn? Hopefully not to make the same mistakes. Also to face up to responsibilities, and that it proves parenthood can be done alone. That life moves on after a failed relationship. Also that their parent's still love them, even if they are separated. Although, they're easy mistakes to happen. Love is blind, and at the time she did in fact 'love' each one of their fathers.
They're all bar one of the fathers still remain in contact with their kids and provide for them.
My sister doesn't have to explain herself or feel bad for her choices, it wasn't just her in the equation. She chose to do the right thing and support every child and loves them all unconditionally. That is all that matters.

In my opinion, if a mother wants to have a little fun here and there, why shouldn't she? If she's single, taking precautions and not subjecting her child/children to it..go for it. Making sure her child/children's needs are met first. The mother has needs too.. Even if it's spending a night cuddling up with someone and watching a movie. I know my sister gets terribly lonely. She's now by choice remained single for somewhat amount of years. She herself doesn't like the idea of having her kids by different fathers, but that is just how it worked out. If a man doesn't like it, he doesn't have to date her.

I personally couldn't get involved romantically if I was pregnant with someone who wasn't the baby's father. Each to their own though.

And as for violent relationships? I've witnessed those as a child..
My sister was in a violent relationship.. hence why she doesn't see one of the fathers.
Domestic dispute can happen to any family and at any time.
Not all kids turn out to be abusers. I am not condoning women/men who choose to stay in relationships with abusing spouses, especially when they have kids in the mix. However, it's easier said then done to break away. There are usually emotional games behind and abusive attack. My mother always told me that the mental abuse was way worse than the physical.
They wear their spouses down and manipulate every situation. Not to mention usually isolate you from anyone who can help you. Leaving you feeling trapped, alone and fearing for your life and that of your kids. Yes, usually the abuser threatens to hurt or take away the kids.. What parent wouldn't stay to endure the pain, in order to spare their kids being hurt?

So many factors. It's not easy living or coming from the background of these disaster relationship settings.. However, some people need to look at the full picture. Not everything is black and white.

People need to stop being so judgmental and try and step out of society's opinions.

Sorry about the babbling on.

I get kind of sick of people always looking down on people in certain predicaments. Sure some cases are those of where women sleep with lots of guys and pop out kids here and there. Also cases of women putting their kids at risk and children being abused. Most of the time it isn't the case. It's people like those that give people like my mother and sister a bad name.

I know that through seeing what my mother and sister put up with made me stronger. I am sure it'll be the same for my sister's children. I am without a doubt going to pass what ever knowledge to my child.

Ok, I can agree with you there in that situation.

However, what if it's manipulation to get what she wants out of a guy - a baby because she wanted one or a baby to keep a hold of the guy even though they weren't dating or because she was jealous because OH and I were planning one?

Honestly, you don't know her and the situation nor about the fact that she has one of her kids granddad's name on the birth certificate in order to stay in native low cost housing. The granddad is not her real dad but was married to her mom and they are now divorced.

So tell me, all these lies, what will those kids learn? First, when they find out they are not native and when they find out their mom manipulated the situation and second when the one finds out that her step-granddad's name is listed as her father on the birth certificate?

And trust me, one of those children, a girl, is just as manipulative as her mom. And I already can see promiscuity in her.

As for the other ex and what her kid see in the violent relationships. Trust me, right now he sees no wrong in hitting a girl. I told him one day not to hit his other sister and that it was wrong and that he should never hit girls. His reply, "Really?"

I grew up seeing violent relationships too, trust me. I've seen my mom beat up many times. But there is a difference between a girl and a boy. Often times the boy who follows the violent tendencies into relationships later on. I've seen proof of that.

 

[nikky0907]

I completely agree with you Lee-anne!

It's not the situation that somebody judges,it's more the person,Baby-love.

Like for example,your sister must be a great person....I absolutly don't think anything bad about her having three kids with three different fathers.

But take my sister's stepson's mother.She only has two kids with two different fathers.Nothing uncommon,many people do...

But she is the most manipuative and horrible person.Her kids have nothing good to learn from her.
My sister and her OH have custody of his son,even the court couldn't give her the rights as the biological mother.You can then pretty much imagine what kind of person she is.

I won't go into details on how she got pregnant,but it was truly vile...

 

[leeanne]

I'd like to add something else to my post above.

My mom married my father at 18 and they had me when they were 20. They later divorced because my dad was an alcoholic and eventually my mom married someone else. This other guy adopted me so I took his last name, and eventually they also went on to have a son.

They ended up divorced later on and my mom gave up her rights to her son because she knew she could not financially support two children and because she honestly thought that her son was better off with his dad.

When I was 9 we moved farther away from Ontario.

Now, my birth certificate has my real father's name on it, my last name that I go by has my stepdad's name on it, and as I was growing up you can imagine the questions I was asked. Not only that, add in the fact that my brother did not live with me and I had not seen him for many years. More questions! It was complicated to answer and was, as a kid, embarrassing.

So now put yourself in the shoes of three kids with three different fathers and having the mind of a child with people asking you personal questions like, why does your siblings have different dads, etc.

 

[Rachiebaby24]

So now put yourself in the shoes of three kids with three different fathers and having the mind of a child with people asking you personal questions like, why does your siblings have different dads, etc.

I look at my OH's ex. She has 3 kids from 3 different fathers. She is 37 and has no one. Why? Imagine the guy who starts to date her. It would be more accepting if she had 3 kids by one father, but what does a guy think by seeing three kids from three different fathers?

What do those kids learn?

Re above...

You didnt mention that she was manipulative until afterwards...if you look at the comment that you put above...

"I look at my OH's ex. She has 3 kids from 3 different fathers. She is 37 and has no one. Why? Imagine the guy who starts to date her. It would be more accepting if she had 3 kids by one father, but what does a guy think by seeing three kids from three different fathers?

What do those kids learn?"

If a guy likes that a woman who has kids by different partners then he shouldnt think anything. I'm not talking about this woman in particlaur as i dont know her but women in general who have kids by different fathers.... for example....if you meet someone at 21...with them for 4 years and you think they are great and you have a baby......then it dosnt work out...then at 25 you meet someone again, start a relationship and another 3 years down the line and you want a baby with this man and this man wants a baby with you.......then it doesnt work out and at 25/26 you meet someone else and the same thing happens.....should a woman be looked bad upon for loving someone and having a baby with someone...? Not everyone's life is perfect and not every relationship works out. My OH has two kids already by two different women and i will be the third. What happens in life happens. i would not consider not being with him because he has two kids by two different women....the relationships didnt work out...as many relationships do not and i would like to think that if it was the other way round her would also be with me because he loves me for who i am not who i had kids with. Kids should learn that not all things work out in life and not everything is guaranteed.

My older brother has a different dad to me, my younger sister has the same dad as me and my younger brother has a different dad also. And my borthers are mixed race and i am white. so in relation to your question "So now put yourself in the shoes of three kids with three different fathers and having the mind of a child with people asking you personal questions like, why does your siblings have different dads, etc" i was asked those questions when i was younger and in no way did it affect me or scar me. i simply told them that they have different dads but they are still my borthers and i love them just as much as i love my sister who has the same dad as me.

Siblings, whether having the same parents, the same one parent, or even dont share any parents such as adopted...as long as everyone is loved then i dont see the problem.

I dont look bad on my mum because we have different fathers. My older borther was conceieved through a one night stand, me, my younger sister and my little brother were conceived through loving relationships. People make mistakes and some relationships dont work out even though at the time, you love them and think it will work out. I dont look bad on my mum for that. She was in love, just as some of us are now, and decided to have a baby.

Not having a go....im just saying what i think/feel.

Anyway...back to the post - i wouldnt personally have sex with anyone other than the man who made my baby whilst it is in there but each to their own...its your own body and baby so up to the person.