Smacking your child in public

[Sini]

Interesting to see that most posters pro-smacking are from the USA!

I wouldnt smack but I wouldnt judge either unless I saw the situation for myself. Tap on the bum/smack/hit.. all very different things..

 

[DittyByrd]

Interesting to see that most posters pro-smacking are from the USA!

I wouldnt smack but I wouldnt judge either unless I saw the situation for myself. Tap on the bum/smack/hit.. all very different things..

This exactly. It's easy to parent from the sidelines. The mommy wars escalate and we judge others way too much. We'll all do things we regret as parents and we'll parent differently. So long as the child is not being injured and abused, parent as you see fit. (In regards to the OP, I will reiterate I think the woman was too harsh based on the story told)

 

[LeoLeah77]

I think a small smack once on the bum or legs that isn't too sharp is okay. If my child had been really, really naughty I'd do that. but at three years of age that's a bit much. I can understand the woman being frantically emotional and maybe that's why she did it, but I do think she went a bit far. Personally I wouldn't have been this harsh, but I'd have tried to explain to the little'un why it could have been dangerous rather than smacking him.

 

[mammy2oaklen]

I do not agree with smacking and I would have hated to have seen this I dont think smacking full stop is ok it doesnt matter if in public I just dont see any situation when its ok to hit a child and in my opinion a hit is the same as a smack. I hate seeing children being smacked in public theres just no need for it there is always another option.

 

[Varenne]

Honestly it's not the in public thing that would get me, it's doing it at all. You were stronger than I would have been for not wanting to smack her yourself!

I hate violence towards children. Light taps in the absolute worst scenarios maybe but a full blown smacking session like that, even after he's clutching his bottom and crying? No.

 

[LDC]

I was smacked on the bum/legs as a child. It was a rare occurrence because I knew if I was naughty then my dad would give me this warning look and I knew what would come if I carried on!

I can't predict Los behaviour in the future but I'll follow the same discipline that I was brought up in and if its a smack on the bum then so be it. She'll get a warning before that her behaviour isn't acceptable and obviously it won't be full force.

I don't agree that smacking is a parents loss of control and anger that someone else said. I've been angry a lot of times with lo (with sleep deprivation!) and never smacked her I just left the room. Things that a child needs to be disciplined for isnt necessarily a result of the parent being angry, for example if they keep trying to play with plug sockets. That wouldn't make me angry but it's dangerous. If she kept playing with them after repeatedly being told no (when she's old enough to know better obviously not now!) then yes, I'd give her hand a tap. Yes I know you get plug guards before someone says, it was just an example.

I also don't agree with if she's doing it in public what's she doing in her own home. Nonsense! As someone else said it could have been panic when we don't know the situation. I don't agree with repeatedly hitting your child, lets just clear that up, but if someone gave their child a smack in a supermarket, I wouldn't think twice about it.

Every parent chooses their own method of discipline and as long as it isn't excessive use of force then it's none of my business. I don't class a smack on the bum (a smack not a full force hit) as excessive use of force.

X

 

[Dragonfly]

I don't hit my children, I wasn't hit as a child either and managed to be very well disciplined. So I know its needless. I frown on parents that act like that in public, take it to the home not air it outside for all to see. I don't agree with hitting children anyway no matter what term you use to call it.

 

[RoxieHart]

I don't hit my children, I wasn't hit as a child either and managed to be very well disciplined. So I know its needless. I frown on parents that act like that in public, take it to the home not air it outside for all to see. I don't agree with hitting children anyway no matter what term you use to call it.

Pretty much this !! X

 

[patooti]

It is illegal here (NZ), in my opinion as it should be. I would no more think it is ok for me to hit my child than for my husband to hit me when I do something he doesn't like. Apart from it being violent and abusive it sets up a crazy confusing situation where we tell kids not to hit other kids then hit them. I don't think it matters whether you do it in anger or out of calculated planning as a way to control your child. Plus I've honestly never seen it work very well. Sounds like this woman was way out of line. I feel bad for her if she was at the end of her rope and would hope she could get help. I don't like to judge much about other parents but I draw I line at beating kids, I'm definitely going to judge you pretty poorly if you are hitting you little ones. Somewhere we need to draw the line.

 

[LDC]

I don't hit my children, I wasn't hit as a child either and managed to be very well disciplined. So I know its needless. I frown on parents that act like that in public, take it to the home not air it outside for all to see. I don't agree with hitting children anyway no matter what term you use to call it.

But if they're out for the day, it's confusing to a child to be taken home hours later and disciplined for their behaviour do you not think?

Not trying to cause an argument mind, just wondering.

X

 

[LDC]

It is illegal here (NZ), in my opinion as it should be. I would no more think it is ok for me to hit my child than for my husband to hit me when I do something he doesn't like. Apart from it being violent and abusive it sets up a crazy confusing situation where we tell kids not to hit other kids then hit them. I don't think it matters whether you do it in anger or out of calculated planning as a way to control your child. Plus I've honestly never seen it work very well. Sounds like this woman was way out of line. I feel bad for her if she was at the end of her rope and would hope she could get help. I don't like to judge much about other parents but I draw I line at beating kids, I'm definitely going to judge you pretty poorly if you are hitting you little ones. Somewhere we need to draw the line.

I wouldn't agree that smacking a bum once is "beating kids".

X

 

[Dragonfly]

I don't hit my children, I wasn't hit as a child either and managed to be very well disciplined. So I know its needless. I frown on parents that act like that in public, take it to the home not air it outside for all to see. I don't agree with hitting children anyway no matter what term you use to call it.

But if they're out for the day, it's confusing to a child to be taken home hours later and disciplined for their behaviour do you not think?

Not trying to cause an argument mind, just wondering.

X

You make it sound like its the only way to discipline a child. I talk to my kids but I never had to do any of it outside anyway. I don't want to get in to an argument with you either but its not how I work, I have a different meaning to discipline and it dosnt mean hitting. My family have managed it without hitting and I will too. if you want to hit your child go ahead I have no power to say anything against that but I will defend me not hitting mine.

 

[iwantabub]

I think at any age stoping the child and telling them why and what they have done wrong is a lot more effective than smacking.

I got tapped on the bum occasionally and I never got hurt by it... But my mother always stopped me then told me what I did wrong then have me a time out then if I continued I got a small smack...

I don't think there's anything wrong with that but I certainly don't think smacking out of anger or frustration is ok.

If u can't keep a level head and stop yourself from behaving badly in public then how will your children learn?

 

[LDC]

I don't hit my children, I wasn't hit as a child either and managed to be very well disciplined. So I know its needless. I frown on parents that act like that in public, take it to the home not air it outside for all to see. I don't agree with hitting children anyway no matter what term you use to call it.

But if they're out for the day, it's confusing to a child to be taken home hours later and disciplined for their behaviour do you not think?

Not trying to cause an argument mind, just wondering.

X

You make it sound like its the only way to discipline a child. I talk to my kids but I never had to do any of it outside anyway. I don't want to get in to an argument with you either but its not how I work, I have a different meaning to discipline and it dosnt mean hitting. My family have managed it without hitting and I will too. if you want to hit your child go ahead I have no power to say anything against that but I will defend me not hitting mine.

Oh no, I meant if that was their chosen method, if that makes sense?

Some kids do misbehave a lot (I'm sure we've all been out and seen it happening) and I wouldn't be concerned if a parent was sternly talking to ther child or gave them a tap on the bum there and then for ther behaviour just because they were outside.

What I hate is when parents are screaming and swearing at their children, I find it embarrassing x

 

[little_lady]

Hmmm. I agree that smacking from anger is wrong. There is no way I would smack my toddler, although yes I have been tempted many times. I get quite frustrated and have felt the urge but restrain myself, although I have been rough with her before which I regret. I am a patient person in general but when I get frustrated I find it hard to calm down.

Smacking an older child is a bit different. I was smacked as a 9, 10 year old and I knew why my mum was doing it. I think we probably over estimate the effects of smacking when used within limits. Nearly everyone I know was smacked and theyre all fine loving adults with good parental relationships.

Also I think emotional discipline can be far worse... My neighbour is a calm patient woman to all on the street but through the walls I've heard her call her 1 year old an f'ing c' many times, told to shut up and get lost and get away from her. My heart bleeds for that little one far more than if she'd given him a light smack on the butt.

 

[sethsmummy]

I use smacking as a form of punishment. I will only smack ds1s hand and only if he has done something really bad or has not listened to multiple warnings. It rarely hurts him and never leaves a mark but he knows he has done wrong. And he always gets an explanation as to why he has been smacked. Then 10 mins later another explanation then a hug when he says sorry.

I was smacked (rather hard) as a child either by hand or with a slipper on a few occasions and its never done me any harm! And I WILL smack my sons hand I public if need be.

What that woman did was just over the top though, shock or no shock id have liked to punch her in the face for that.

 

[LeoLeah77]

I don't hit my children, I wasn't hit as a child either and managed to be very well disciplined. So I know its needless. I frown on parents that act like that in public, take it to the home not air it outside for all to see. I don't agree with hitting children anyway no matter what term you use to call it.

But if they're out for the day, it's confusing to a child to be taken home hours later and disciplined for their behaviour do you not think?

Not trying to cause an argument mind, just wondering.

X

You make it sound like its the only way to discipline a child. I talk to my kids but I never had to do any of it outside anyway. I don't want to get in to an argument with you either but its not how I work, I have a different meaning to discipline and it dosnt mean hitting. My family have managed it without hitting and I will too. if you want to hit your child go ahead I have no power to say anything against that but I will defend me not hitting mine.

Oh no, I meant if that was their chosen method, if that makes sense?

Some kids do misbehave a lot (I'm sure we've all been out and seen it happening) and I wouldn't be concerned if a parent was sternly talking to ther child or gave them a tap on the bum there and then for ther behaviour just because they were outside.

What I hate is when parents are screaming and swearing at their children, I find it embarrassing x

I work at co-op and there's been many occasions where families come in to shop. The one time this very stressed out mother with two children was trying to do a trolley load of shopping and they were being naughty. I.e running around, asking for this that and the other, throwing tantrums when they didn't get their own way, shouting and screaming etc. and she was shouting at the top of her lungs in front of me (I was serving her) and a long queue of people. She then shouted and said 'I'll lock you in the fucking car in a minute you pair!' I didn't know how to react. I didn't even want to talk to the woman in case I pissed her off anymore lol! I personally think she acted harshly and perhaps embarrassed herself but I think she was beyond caring how she looked with how stressed she seemed.

 

[susannah14]

I think you can discipline without spanking and you can discipline with spanking. Spanking is not child abuse. In my mind, child abuse is senseless, undeserving, cruel, unreasonable. Spanking should not cause harm, and I think it should not be doled out lightly. If spanking is to be used, it should be reserved for situations where the offense was major.

My dad kept a ping pong paddle out on the counter. He only used it on us a few times, when we were really bad. It didn't scar me. I knew we deserved it. Obviously he used it when other forms of discipline hadn't worked.

 

[Noelle610]

I don't think smacking/spanking (within reason) is child abuse. I just think there are so many alternative ways to discipline that are much kinder and much more effective. I just don't see the point.

 

[DittyByrd]

I think equating a tap on the bum with teaching a kid violence is like saying taking a toy away from the kid teaches them stealing or sending them to time out teaches them to ostracize their peers.

Beatings, pain, and verbal abuse all result in a learned behavior that will likely be propagated through the next generation. A light swat on the bum is hardly a "beating" as a PP said and I find it offensive you would even compare a parent who uses a swat on the bum as punishment to one that beats and berates their children.

It's time to stop judging. We all use different methods to achieve a healthy, happy, disciplined, well-balanced kids. I'll parent my way. You parent yours. But don't compare child abusers to parents who use swats on bum. It irresponsible, offensive, and naive.