Smacking your child in public

[sequeena]

While I dont personally agree with smacking as a type of discipline, and I do not do it with our sons, if that mother has chosen smacking as discipline at home, then she would need to use the same discipline outside of the house as well to be consistent.

And for those who say a 3 year old doesnt know not to run off...yes they do. My son has a developmental delay, hes 3 but has the understanding and speech of a 1 year 7 months old, he known full well not to run or wonder off from my side. He doesnt understand that other people can be dangerous, but he does know hes not suppose to leave me side and if he does he will get put into time out.

As a side note as my son also has a developmental delay when did he have that understanding? At the moment Thomas still thinks it's hilarious to run away from me and I can't get him to understand he needs to stay by my side.

 

[PepsiChic]

While I dont personally agree with smacking as a type of discipline, and I do not do it with our sons, if that mother has chosen smacking as discipline at home, then she would need to use the same discipline outside of the house as well to be consistent.

And for those who say a 3 year old doesnt know not to run off...yes they do. My son has a developmental delay, hes 3 but has the understanding and speech of a 1 year 7 months old, he known full well not to run or wonder off from my side. He doesnt understand that other people can be dangerous, but he does know hes not suppose to leave me side and if he does he will get put into time out.

As a side note as my son also has a developmental delay when did he have that understanding? At the moment Thomas still thinks it's hilarious to run away from me and I can't get him to understand he needs to stay by my side.

He started to get it when he was 2, so his understanding would of been about 12-15 months old at the time. my friends son understood from 14 months old.

I found the best way to stop it is to have him hold something in one and and my hand/stroller/cart with the other hand. I also tell him before we move that he must keep one hand on the stroller/cart/my hand at all times.

I found that setting the expectation upfront really helps. also I act swiftly when he does try to run/wonder off. he goes into an instant timeout, no warnings. its too dangerous of a thing to be given a second chance at!

 

[Noelle610]

I am not a fan of spanking but am not ruling it out in rare cases. I don't feel the ok-with-spanking parents are telling the non-spanking parents they are poor parents but it's certainly coming across the other direction from the anti-spanking group.

I really haven't seen that in this thread. Yes, people feel passionately about this issue for or against. But just because I'm vehemently against spanking and feel the vast majority of research indicates that it's potentially harmful doesn't mean I feel those who use it as a discipline tool are bad parents. I think early weaning for non-medical reasons and sleep training newborns are terrible parenting choices, but I think most of the parents who do these things are just trying their best based on the information or coping skills that they have.

If the assertion that "spanking is wrong" makes someone who is pro-spanking uncomfortable, then that's their thing. If you're confident in your choice of discipline, you really shouldn't care. I am confident in the way I parent my child (though it hasn't always been so and I'm sure there will come a point that I'm unsure!), so if someone were to tell me I was doing it wrong and that I needed to spank, I would just brush it off. I wouldn't be offended or assume they were calling me a shitty parent.

 

[Tasha]

I understand some people use a quick smack/spank out of fear when there is a danger (like for instance if a child walks out in the road), which this could of been seen as if it weren't repeated smacks. I don't know the more than once seems too much to me.

We don't smack, it was used on me and I don't really understand its purpose for us a family. My Dad used it to cause pain so we didn't do it again, but I don't think it was affective (for me) and would not be affective for my children, and I've also read about it being used to embarrass that makes me feel uncomfortable, I don't want to embarrass my children.

I am talking about solely me and my children here, what I feel for them, what makes me uncomfortable. I have three children with me and all of them need disciplining differently so I am really aware of not judging cos what works for us, doesn't work for another.

 

[little_lady]

Noelle - interesting studies.

I think you're right, in fact now I think about it I often get frustrated and it comes out in the form of aggression. Sometimes I have hit inanimate objects. Yes I am that sad lol. I've never hit Isabelle though.

I think the definition of "i'm fine" needs a lot more behind it!

 

[Noelle610]

Noelle - interesting studies.

I think you're right, in fact now I think about it I often get frustrated and it comes out in the form of aggression. Sometimes I have hit inanimate objects. Yes I am that sad lol. I've never hit Isabelle though.

I think the definition of "i'm fine" needs a lot more behind it!

Been there, done that!

 

[HappyAnjeL]

What the OP described is NOT ok, whether you believe in physical discipline or not. I don't hit/slap/smack/tap DD, but wouldn't think twice of someone tapping their child's hand to keep them from putting it on a burner or something, or someone giving their child a quick telling off but repeatedly hitting and screaming at your child NO WAY.

 

[Noelle610]

I want to add that when I reference spanking or smacking, I mean repeatedly hitting a child on the bum. I don't think of a tap on the hand or an impulsive swat to the bum as spanking. I don't think it's ideal discipline, but there's a bit difference.

 

[Dezireey]

If her child ran away and she was frantically looking for him, shit scared someone had taken him.......the screaming,yes, I can understand but the use of hitting and several times?, no, totally disagree with that.

To be honest, if it was my child who had gone walk about, I would have probably done what I did with my nephew who did the same thing a few years ago - shout out of panic and then hug him and then shout again saying 'don't ever do that again!' and then hug him tight again, holding on for dear life, being relieved he is safe.

Using smacking on a consistent basis to discipline a child can sometimes teach that child that smacking is a good way to tell someone off and hence (with some children not all) they can then take that on board and could display that behaviour to other kids and adults. This is why I would not want to smack my child and I never have. I would be too afraid that he would see that as an acceptable and normal form of punishment.

 

[Sunshine12]

Personally dont think its for anyone else to decide whether its appropriate or not without knowing the whole story. I personally dont intend to smack my child (albeit i may change my mind as she gets older) but I dont think its fair to judge without knowing the events that occurred beforehand or to see it first hand. x

 

[sequeena]

While I dont personally agree with smacking as a type of discipline, and I do not do it with our sons, if that mother has chosen smacking as discipline at home, then she would need to use the same discipline outside of the house as well to be consistent.

And for those who say a 3 year old doesnt know not to run off...yes they do. My son has a developmental delay, hes 3 but has the understanding and speech of a 1 year 7 months old, he known full well not to run or wonder off from my side. He doesnt understand that other people can be dangerous, but he does know hes not suppose to leave me side and if he does he will get put into time out.

As a side note as my son also has a developmental delay when did he have that understanding? At the moment Thomas still thinks it's hilarious to run away from me and I can't get him to understand he needs to stay by my side.

He started to get it when he was 2, so his understanding would of been about 12-15 months old at the time. my friends son understood from 14 months old.

I found the best way to stop it is to have him hold something in one and and my hand/stroller/cart with the other hand. I also tell him before we move that he must keep one hand on the stroller/cart/my hand at all times.

I found that setting the expectation upfront really helps. also I act swiftly when he does try to run/wonder off. he goes into an instant timeout, no warnings. its too dangerous of a thing to be given a second chance at!

Thanks. I use backpack reins but have been trying to walk with him without them lately but he's quite strong and pulling away from me! He's currently 12 months old developmentally so hopefully with perseverance he'll get it soon

 

[Dezireey]

Personally dont think its for anyone else to decide whether its appropriate or not without knowing the whole story. I personally dont intend to smack my child (albeit i may change my mind as she gets older) but I dont think its fair to judge without knowing the events that occurred beforehand or to see it first hand. x

Huh? no-one has to know the whole story?? If you see a child being hit repeatedly in public and in a way that is very distressing for the child, also other adults and children to watch etc then you have a duty to even report it, especially if it is getting out of hand. OP saw a woman hitting her child many times. Sorry, I wouldn't really care about events beforehand...does any circumstance justify smacking the holy bejeesus out of a three year old?

I think OP was good to say something and be concerned

 

[NicholaP]

I was given the odd skelp growing up, fighting with my brother and sisters etc and it didn't make me a violent person, nor a bad person. My parents certainly are not bad parents, they are the most caring, loving parents anyone could ask for.
When Iona is bigger and she does something after repeatedly being told not to then yeah, I will give her a wee smack on the bum.
I 100% believe it does not 'damage' your child or make them want to be a serial killer! But that's just me!

 

[Dezireey]

I meant people who do it persistently and not the odd tap here and there. Smacking repeatedly as constant discipline is where I think a bad message is being sent to kids.

 

[Dana_Scully]

I don't think I could ever hit my son, even on the bum

 

[RoxieHart]

Personally dont think its for anyone else to decide whether its appropriate or not without knowing the whole story. I personally dont intend to smack my child (albeit i may change my mind as she gets older) but I dont think its fair to judge without knowing the events that occurred beforehand or to see it first hand. x

Huh? no-one has to know the whole story?? If you see a child being hit repeatedly in public and in a way that is very distressing for the child, also other adults and children to watch etc then you have a duty to even report it, especially if it is getting out of hand. OP saw a woman hitting her child many times. Sorry, I wouldn't really care about events beforehand...does any circumstance justify smacking the holy bejeesus out of a three year old?

I think OP was good to say something and be concerned

This! 100% !!

 

[kmbabycrazy]

Personally dont think its for anyone else to decide whether its appropriate or not without knowing the whole story. I personally dont intend to smack my child (albeit i may change my mind as she gets older) but I dont think its fair to judge without knowing the events that occurred beforehand or to see it first hand. x

Huh? no-one has to know the whole story?? If you see a child being hit repeatedly in public and in a way that is very distressing for the child, also other adults and children to watch etc then you have a duty to even report it, especially if it is getting out of hand. OP saw a woman hitting her child many times. Sorry, I wouldn't really care about events beforehand...does any circumstance justify smacking the holy bejeesus out of a three year old?

I think OP was good to say something and be concerned

I completely disagree. You do need to know the story before hand, and what the child had done. You can smack repeatedly stop to talk and continue smacking when you're in a little haze. I have stressed out throwing things around them room before, stopped to cry and then carried on and it's taken someone to physically restrain me before I snapped out of it (no one was in the room at the time, they came in to stop me). And once when DS ran out into the road right in front of a car that had to slam on it's breaks I went off on a major rant shouting at him and some people may have passed by and I thought I was being really harsh, that I was a terrible mum and that there was no need for me to say what I say and make him cry, which he did. But he had been running out into roads continually and nothing else worked, but that did and he hasn't done it since. It may not have been spanking but it is a time when people might have judged the way I parented without knowing the full story behind it my actions.

 

[Equreuil]

So I really don't have a problem with spanking - for good reason and if its done without a lot of force (I hate the concept of a paddle or switches). And in public - I wish more parents would discipline their children instead of letting them run wild.

With that said: from what the OP described, the mom may have been a bit excessive, especially if it had been a simple case of the child wandering off and the mom being scared. It's not really a situation that should require a lot of disciplinary action.

Then again, I'm also the kind of person where if mine develops a habit of wandering off in public, I will get a leash/harness thing for him, the kind that's typically disguised as a stuffed animal backpack.

 

[RoxieHart]

Personally dont think its for anyone else to decide whether its appropriate or not without knowing the whole story. I personally dont intend to smack my child (albeit i may change my mind as she gets older) but I dont think its fair to judge without knowing the events that occurred beforehand or to see it first hand. x

Huh? no-one has to know the whole story?? If you see a child being hit repeatedly in public and in a way that is very distressing for the child, also other adults and children to watch etc then you have a duty to even report it, especially if it is getting out of hand. OP saw a woman hitting her child many times. Sorry, I wouldn't really care about events beforehand...does any circumstance justify smacking the holy bejeesus out of a three year old?

I think OP was good to say something and be concerned

I completely disagree. You do need to know the story before hand, and what the child had done. You can smack repeatedly stop to talk and continue smacking when you're in a little haze. I have stressed out throwing things around them room before, stopped to cry and then carried on and it's taken someone to physically restrain me before I snapped out of it (no one was in the room at the time, they came in to stop me). And once when DS ran out into the road right in front of a car that had to slam on it's breaks I went off on a major rant shouting at him and some people may have passed by and I thought I was being really harsh, that I was a terrible mum and that there was no need for me to say what I say and make him cry, which he did. But he had been running out into roads continually and nothing else worked, but that did and he hasn't done it since. It may not have been spanking but it is a time when people might have judged the way I parented without knowing the full story behind it my actions.

I fully understand what your saying but regardless I think it's down to the individual really.

If someone fully disagrees with hitting/smacking or any kind of punishment along those lines on kids, there probably isn't anything they will accept when it comes to the reason of why it's being done.

Personally, even in a rage or full state of anger, I don't agree with physical punishment of a child. I feel like bursting into tears at the thought of doing that to my LO, I couldn't scare her like that. I also *PERSONALLY* feel like id just be teaching her violence is ok. Its ok to hit, etc etc. Why would i hit her because shes in trouble but expect her not to hit me, and if she does then she is in trouble? But I can hit her? I don't really know how to explain what I mean lol. what because im the adult, it's ok? I don't feel I need to hit/smack/spank to show my LO who is the parent. I dont get it or like it to be honest. only my opinion though! The only way id tell her off is verbally. Or with the old trusty naughty step

 

[Feronia]

Personally dont think its for anyone else to decide whether its appropriate or not without knowing the whole story. I personally dont intend to smack my child (albeit i may change my mind as she gets older) but I dont think its fair to judge without knowing the events that occurred beforehand or to see it first hand. x

Huh? no-one has to know the whole story?? If you see a child being hit repeatedly in public and in a way that is very distressing for the child, also other adults and children to watch etc then you have a duty to even report it, especially if it is getting out of hand. OP saw a woman hitting her child many times. Sorry, I wouldn't really care about events beforehand...does any circumstance justify smacking the holy bejeesus out of a three year old?

I think OP was good to say something and be concerned

I completely disagree. You do need to know the story before hand, and what the child had done. You can smack repeatedly stop to talk and continue smacking when you're in a little haze. I have stressed out throwing things around them room before, stopped to cry and then carried on and it's taken someone to physically restrain me before I snapped out of it (no one was in the room at the time, they came in to stop me). And once when DS ran out into the road right in front of a car that had to slam on it's breaks I went off on a major rant shouting at him and some people may have passed by and I thought I was being really harsh, that I was a terrible mum and that there was no need for me to say what I say and make him cry, which he did. But he had been running out into roads continually and nothing else worked, but that did and he hasn't done it since. It may not have been spanking but it is a time when people might have judged the way I parented without knowing the full story behind it my actions.

Yelling is one thing, and I can understand being so scared in a situation like what you went through that you yelled at him. However, I can't understand HITTING your child like what the OP described under any circumstance. What could he have done that would make that reaction a right one? This is one instance where I don't need to know the story.