Smacking your child in public

[minties]

It's illegal to smack minors here, in public or private.

 

[staralfur]

I don't like the idea of smacking/spanking at all and I can't see myself ever doing it, but I also understand that people feel differently about it and it's not really something I care to debate with those who do it.

That being said, I don't think what the OP is describing is a form of discipline at all; it sounds like straight up aggression and I would be shocked and upset to see it.

I agree that there really is no background information needed to make a judgement call. One smack on the butt, for sure, I think you can pull the "you don't know what their circumstances are like" card. But repeated smacking out of anger? Nope, don't care what the circumstances are.

 

[meli1981]

Its dangerous to make smacking illegal. One little isolated incident of giving your kid a slap on the butt and they get taken away? No way.

 

[fieryphoenix]

Its dangerous to make smacking illegal. One little isolated incident of giving your kid a slap on the butt and they get taken away? No way.

Yeah, that's crazy!

 

[minties]

Er no, they wont just get whisked away. It's illegal to do a LOT of stuff but you don't get everything taken off you or to to prison for life. You'd likely go to court and made to do some work towards controlling violence etc.

It's assult, same as smacking another adult.

 

[SMoose]

I think the repeated spanks, and the fact she was doing it angry and out of emotion is wrong.

I was given spanks as a kid, I can count on my hands the time I have been- and I will fully admit I darn well deserved it. (I hid under parked cars in a parking lot from my grandma for example. Truly dangerous behavior) It wasn't out of anger, I was sat down, explained to why I was getting a spank, got one on the butt the. Had to go apologize for my behavior.

I don't believe in spanking a kid as punishment for every little thing, I find timeouts/toys taken away much more appropriate- but for instances like my example- I think it's ok.

I never associated the few times I was spanked as an "ok" to hit other people. It was a consequence to my very bad, deliberate disobedience.

 

[maisiemoo]

Haven't read the full thread, but get the jist of differing opionions.

IMO smacking can not be justified at all. As parents our roles are to teach and nurture, smacking is an outburst, a loss of control and what does it teach? That it's ok to use physical force to enforce your will. There is always another way, always. If the scene the op described referred to two adults, we would be having an entirely different discussion - yet some can justify physical force against a child. Crazy and saddening.

 

[patooti]

Its dangerous to make smacking illegal. One little isolated incident of giving your kid a slap on the butt and they get taken away? No way.

One little isolated incident? How about don't lose control and hit your child which is how many times smaller than you. There is a reason it's illegal. It's assault. It's not like it's a good excuse to say "oops I lost my temper and hit my baby on the bum because she was bad". Like oops I forgot and slapped my wife.

 

[Larkspur]

Its dangerous to make smacking illegal. One little isolated incident of giving your kid a slap on the butt and they get taken away? No way.

Actually, smacking is probably illegal in your country too, it's just that there still exists a legal defense of "force applied for corrective discipline" or something similar, which is the part that was removed from the New Zealand legislation.

I can write a full explanation if anyone's interested, which I doubt, but suffice it to say that nobody gets their kid taken away for giving them a firm pat on the bum. It does mean that people can no longer beat their child black and blue and get away with it in court by saying they were teaching them a lesson for shoplifting.

 

[staralfur]

Its dangerous to make smacking illegal. One little isolated incident of giving your kid a slap on the butt and they get taken away? No way.

One little isolated incident? How about don't lose control and hit your child which is how many times smaller than you. There is a reason it's illegal. It's assault. It's not like it's a good excuse to say "oops I lost my temper and hit my baby on the bum because she was bad". Like oops I forgot and slapped my wife.

I think here is where things really start to get tricky, because people picture completely different things when you say "smack on the bum". I've seen someone absolutely whack the shit out of their kid (on the bum) because they were crying at a wedding. It seemed outrageous to me. But if a kid nearly jumps in front of a car and a parent gives them a tap on the bum out of fear and panic, I think that's a totally different situation. In one situation you have a parent basically hitting a child because they are annoyed, in the other I think you could argue it's instinctual for some people.

 

[sethsmummy]

I am not a fan of spanking but am not ruling it out in rare cases. I don't feel the ok-with-spanking parents are telling the non-spanking parents they are poor parents but it's certainly coming across the other direction from the anti-spanking group.

I was just thinking the exact same thing. So much so im leaving the thread...it seems some of the non spanking feel they are above everyone else and that those of us who do smack are the worst parents ever. I am very confident in my parenting choices but dont appreciate people making out im a terrible person because my child gets a smack on the hand when needed. T the end of the day everyones choices and thoughts are differentbut that does not make one set of us better than the other!!!

 

[beanzz]

I am not a fan of spanking but am not ruling it out in rare cases. I don't feel the ok-with-spanking parents are telling the non-spanking parents they are poor parents but it's certainly coming across the other direction from the anti-spanking group.

I was just thinking the exact same thing. So much so im leaving the thread...it seems some of the non spanking feel they are above everyone else and that those of us who do smack are the worst parents ever. I am very confident in my parenting choices but dont appreciate people making out im a terrible person because my child gets a smack on the hand when needed. T the end of the day everyones choices and thoughts are differentbut that does not make one set of us better than the other!!!

There's a difference between what the OP saw and a little smack on the hand/bum. Nobody is making out you are a bad parent, chill out. If you're confident on your parenting choices it shouldn't matter anyway. Some people just have strong views on spanking. Nobody would interfere if they saw you tap your child on the bum because they don't know the full story but like people are saying in this one incident that the OP is talking about, it's more than just a little smack here and there when you feel it's necessary punishment, she was hitting her child A LOT. I don't think even people totally against all kid of spanking was ever trying to say that people like you who just give a tap are bad parents.

 

[SarahP13]

I do not agree with spanking and will not spank my girls. I understand why some people will smack a child for doing something dangerous (touching a hot oven for example) and can accept that some people use it as a form of discipline in a controlled manner but will never accept those that do it out of anger or before other methods have been attempted.

The other day I was at a paddling pool in my local park. There was a mother there with two children (boy approx 8yrs, girl approx 6yrs) and she was encouraging them to play very roughly. They were wrestling (pushing each other over, pushing heads into the water etc) and she would bet on who would win. At one point the girl went to take a kick at the boy and the mum yelled 'don't you dare do that or I'll smack you so hard'. Then she went straight back to shouting 'push him, get her' etc.

I simply do not understand the logic with that. Encourage violence, discourage violence then threaten violence. Makes no sense to me

IMO (and I accept I do not know the children) the first warning should be that they have to leave the pool/stop playing the game, then maybe taking them home.

 

[meli1981]

I dont pretend to be a "super" parent. I will admit ive smacked my oldest on the butt out of frustration. Im human. I get frustrated. I make mistakes. i think it is dangerous to put the message out there that you woyld NEVER do this, because a ftm might come on here after giving their kid a spank and think they are the worst parent in the world, when in actuality they are just human. I feel depression plays a huge factor in this be ause when i was at my worst i did spank because i couldnt deal. It wasnt me, i wasnt a bad mother, i was sick. I got help, im on meds, i can deal with things now without getting frustrated (well most of the time! Try a 7 yo girl with an attitude!). like i said sometimes you dont know the whole story.

 

[Dezireey]

I think its very, very clear from the original post that this Mother was smacking her child excessively. Those that seem to veer this fact onto 'oh don't judge me because I tap my child!', need to re-read the original post and most subsequent posts. Tapping a child's hand away from a fire or pushing a hand away quickly so that your child doesn't smack another, is not, in my books violent. No-one is judging any parent about this sort of parenting, so please don't take offense.

What is violent and abusive is pasting shit out of a small toddler in public. Its reportable and extremely offensive and also very upsetting for those that have to watch and battle with a 'shall I or shall I not intervene?' decision.

We are bombarded with news stories about babies and toddlers actually being beaten to death in the news and this makes us extra vigilant when out in public. Its natural to want to step in.

I will also re-iterate that you cannot EVER justify smacking a child in an excessive manner with a weak excuse such as 'you don't know what happened beforehand, so don't judge this poor mother's behaviour'.

Just imagine this visual image - A man in a supermarket hitting and hitting and hitting his wife over the head screaming at her 'where the hell have you been! I was worried sick!' and then bashing her again whilst she cowers down to the floor in fear. I guarantee that the police would be called, domestic abuse cited, people gathered in a group to watch and stop this horrendous act, staff running to stop it........so why then is it okay to to do this same, exact thing to a small child?, who is actually even more defenseless and vulnerable than an adult woman?.

There is no excuse in the world for hitting a child repeatedly. end of.

 

[sethsmummy]

I 100 percent agree about the incident op mentioned how that woman smacked her child in my eyes is abuse. BUT the majority are casting those who give a tap after trying other methods in the same light which is unfair.

If I saw someone treat their child the way that woman did id be very likely to say something and call the police. A small smack is in no way in the same legue as what that woman did...which is what iv been trying to say in previous posts.

 

[kates84]

I 100 percent agree about the incident op mentioned how that woman smacked her child in my eyes is abuse. BUT the majority are casting those who give a tap after trying other methods in the same light which is unfair.

If I saw someone treat their child the way that woman did id be very likely to say something and call the police. A small smack is in no way in the same legue as what that woman did...which is what iv been trying to say in previous posts.

I think the vast majority of us really don't think that a small smack is anything like the situation in the OP hon. Maybe people are getting too passionate and not expressing themselves clearly?

I said that I *hope* to never hit my son, for very deep personal reasons. But I will not say that I NEVER will because I can't say whether or not I'll have a situation where it is instinctive.

That said, about judging the mother in this post - I wouldn't judge her overall as a parent based on this one isolated incident. However, I do definitely judge this one isolated incident as very very wrong.

Yes there are many things that could make what she did understandable - panic, fear etc. But understandable does not equal excusable. She was beating her child so hard that the OP felt the need to intervene - not many people would confront somebody who is screaming and being violent lightly.

I hope that the OP snapped her out of it and that after calming down on the way home, she gave her child a cuddle and resolved to not lose control like that again.

 

[Larkspur]

Look, I don't think it's impossible to say with confidence that you'll never smack your child. I was never smacked myself and it just doesn't form any part of my parenting approach.

It doesn't mean I'm judging someone else who thinks a little smack on the hand is okay under certain circumstances, but I'm not going to pretend I am leaving it open as an option just in case I get mad or scared enough. I think I know myself well enough, and my instinctive reactions to stress to know what would or wouldn't lead me to strike another person. It's like any other controversial parenting choice. I know I'm not going to use CIO because it is just not for me; that doesn't by extension mean I think every parent who chooses it is a bad parent. I can see there are reasons for choosing it, some I think are better than others, but for me, it's just not on the menu.

 

[Pennyb]

I could never hit my son. Children learn from us and if we do something they think that means its ok for them to also do it to playmates. violence breeds violence in my personal opinion.

 

[meli1981]

I dont think anyone actually reads my posts