sneeped by dd's hurtful comments

[SisterRose]

my eldest is 3, almost 4 in September. I was talking with oh about my 20 week scan next wednesday and how I was worried about it, hoping baby is healthy and happy when dd butts in "I think hes dead" I was a bit taken aback but it isn't the first time she has said something like this, the other day one of my kids knocked mybump, I told them they have to be careful as I have a baby in my tummy now and dd said "I think hes stopped breathing"

I have told her that they aren't nice things to say, and that I dont want to hear it again. she did look upset afterwards but I think that's because we had told her off for saying it. I know shes only a child, I dont hold it against her, but it does upset me.

do anyone else's children react like this?

 

[apple_20]

My DS is too little to talk yet but try not to let it get to you. I work with children her age and it sounds like she's just trying to get to grip with the idea of something being alive inside you. She's obviously taken your comments to heart about being careful not to hurt the bump. Children are blunt. I would say maybe not talk about being worried about the baby as that's likely to make her worry too.

 

[Lau88]

I think its a jealousy thing. When i was having dd my nephew jumped on my tummy i told him to be careful and he replied with doesn't matter its going to die anyway. It did upset me a lot but probably more due to being told by Drs if i ever got pregnant id lose it. Was she like it with your other children?

 

[Brightxeyes]

Obviously would sound rather shocking to hear from your child, it could be jealousy and creeped out something's growing inside your belly.

Are you big enough to feel kicks yet? Maybe you should have some mommy and daughter and tummy time? Let her feel for kicks and get used to the idea of a baby growing inside you and joining your family.

Plus, you've already got another little girl, so maybe it's the thought of a boy?? Or maybe she doesn't remember you being pregnant with your other little girl, so it feels new and strange to her now.

Have some time with her to talk about all the lovely things you will so when baby boy is here, and how she's going to be such a good older sister to her new little brother and when he kicks say he's looking forward to meeting her.

Might help her understand and a little more excited!

 

[mrspeanut]

My little boy is almost the same age as your dd (4 in Nov). Ever since a relative died a few months ago he's become intrigued by death and I think he's trying to make sense if it, iykwim. It wasn't a close relative and he's not obsessive or anything. But sometimes he does come out with odd things like "when I'm big I'm going to kill you." It does unsettle me but we calmly explain that it's not nice to say things like that. I hope it's just a phase and that it'll pass soon as his memory of this event fades. Has anything perhaps been the trigger for your daughter becoming aware of people dying?

 

[mapha2]

My Ds(3) normally does that and I don't really think they do understand what death is or mean. He will sometimes play rough on me and when I tell him his gonna hurt the baby he will just ask if baby will die. And I usually says yes, so he stops. I usually make him feel the kicks as well so he can get used to the idea of little brother coming

 

[SisterRose]

Thanks everyone. I do think it must be her age, and something has obviously triggered her curiosity with death but i don't think she understands what it means fully. I think we will have to sit her down and ask where it has come from and explain a few things.
im also feeling kicks but nobody else can feel them yet or see tummy jumping, as soon as baby is big enough to show that hes in there in going to try and get her feeling the kicks and watching him move. Even though my youngest is only 7months, shed only just turned 3 when she was born so i don't think that she understood as much through that pregnancy and even though i tried to get her involved with feeling movements she wasn't interested at all.

i think that she does understand and like the baby, kind of in her own way as she will come and kiss my tummy sometimes and talk about the baby. I often think she doesn't quite believe me that theres really a baby in there and that its a bit of a game! She is very rough and isn't very careful around my bump, but after she has seen and felt baby move it might be different.

children can be so creepy!

 

[purplecat]

Don't worry hun...kids say funny things and I think it all comes down to adjusting to things. My dd has said some strange things too but all was OK with baby and now she is starting to say really loving comments about her baby sister. She is starting to get excited and wants her out NOW lol. She even got really upset when I told her it was a sister and not a brother but she is now really excited. Try to include your dd in things when it comes to the baby and maybe she will start to get excited at the fact that she can help you when the baby gets here. Good luck hun!

 

[Rickles]

My Dad was like this about my uncle... According to Grandma they always said "Wouldn't you like a brother or sister." Every time he bluntly said "No". When they brought my uncle home from the hospital he insisted they take him back!!

I guess he got over it in the end!! xx

 

[Enasy]

I was the same when I was 4, my mum was pregnant with my sister I hated the idea of her having another baby, I used to kick out at her and everything. And when my sister was born I used to bite her fingers I still hated her... But obviously I grew out of it it's normal for kids to react this way. I work in childcare now and the children I look after tell me all the time they hate my baby because the baby will take me away from them ( my mat leave )