So annoyed...

[sun]

I found out today that MIL has been talking to OH about how he should make sure I don't start doing any signing with our daughter so she isn't behind. The implication being that my son's speech delay is caused by me teaching him signing The truth is that signing was what gave us the ability to communicate with him - it made all our lives so much better!

Kind of a pointless post I guess, but I'm so annoyed by it. That subtle implication that things are my fault. Also she gets really defensive when I talk about things - like we are going to a gymnastics drop-in and he is finally able to walk on the trampoline without falling. Other kids his age can jump and are much more stable, but if I mention it she always acts like I'm insulting him. She'll say "well he's smarter - he's doing fine!". UG Like it's some kind of competition and mentioning he's behind is admitting failure? Stating that he can't jump isn't an insult - it's just a fact. He'll do it eventually but right now he doesn't - I don't have to try and "make up" for it by putting him ahead in something else??

I don't know what I'm going on about now... I just can't stop being annoyed by the implication that it was my interaction with him that caused his speech delay. And she is in the medical field! If she thinks that, then what about the parents at the park, play group, etc? Are they all just thinking I'm a bad parent? Not that I care what strangers think, but if that's the case there is SO much misinformation out there! sorry - rant over!

 

[AndyyMay]

Didn't Want To R&R Hun,

I don't blame you for being annoyed atall! If Signing Is Giving him And you The Ability To Comminucate with Each Other Thats A Good Thing! It Defiantly Must Be Better for The 3 Of You Knowing He Can Comminucate with you and Tell you things,

As For Your Daughter Learning Sign,I Don't Think There Should Be A Problem Tbh,It wouldn't harm her or put her behind,how else is she to communicate with her brother?

If He's Behind,He's Behind,The Only thing You Can Do,Is Give Him All Your Support And Best To Help In Every way possible to help bring him on,
Okay So It May Not Bee The same as all the other kids,But he'll Come on in his own time,And There'll Be Such Proud Moments When He Does Something

There Is No Failure in that

If Anything,Teaching Him Sign Was A Very Good Thing You've Done,Not Wrong
If You hadn't,Maybe You'd Still Have A bit of trouble To comminucate as well as you do now with sign,

Who Cares What They Think,At The End Of The Day,Your Doing What You Think Is Best For Your Son,And Know one should question that,Your MIL Should Respect What You Do For Him And That You Help Bring Him on.
She Sounds Very Silly Tbh

My Daughter Is Under Speech Therapy,And Has Started To Be Taught Sign,I Got Lots To learn!

I'm Sure You're Doing An Amazing Job! Keep It Up No Matter what anyone says xxx

 

[sun]

Thanks so much

Now that I re-read my post it sounds like I'm just complaining about something that's not that big of a deal. There's just lots of subtle things behind it - there always is when it comes to MIL!

 

[JASMAK]

Oh my MIL is / was the same. Drives me bonkers. Signing only helped my daughter, and the first "I love you" was in sign language. She doesn't use sign anymore, but it was the only communication for awhile, and I welcomed it.

 

[angelstardust]

She sounds like she has issues with her grandson being a bit different from the other kids. Its her problem and she has to deal with it.

In general I think MIL's are just annoying anyway.

DD uses signs (Makaton) because we use them with DS2. She is not behind, not be a long shot!

 

[17thy]

My daughter isn't developmentally behind but why on earth would your mil be so rude about signing??? We started sign language from very very little with LO and she now knows many words in sign (and also SAYS many words). But before she could talk (and even now for some words) signing is a blessing! It makes communication possible and communication makes life so much easier! Because THEY can let you know what THEY want. It's just another language, why not teach it?

 

[Garnet]

Actually children have the ability to absorb many different languages while they are young. Signing uses a different pathway from the brain and does not in any way inhibit speech. If your MIL is concerned about it, she should educate herself first before giving her opinion...

 

[sun]

Thank you all so much!

JASMAK - Oh wow - I can't wait for an "I love you"!

angelstardust - That is def her problem! But ofcourse I'm ignoring her and we're going to do some signing with my daughter too so she can communicate with my son and let us know what she wants before she can say it. She may or may not sign, but either way it won't stop her from talking as she normally would.

And every speech therapist I have ever met has encouraged signing ESPECIALLY with kids whose speech is delayed. But that isn't enough for her to believe lol.

I think it is especially helpful for someone like my son who really really wants to communicate but can't formulate the sounds. It has helped his frustration so much. I have no idea where we would be without signing - months of terrible tantrums I expect! It was like an epiphany when he learned his first sign! (it was "help")
It was like he discovered how to communicate in that moment - I'll never forget it.

 

[Sambles]

Hi Sun

Your MIL sounds a bit ignorant about signing so maybe she should read up on it so that she can understand how much it has helped Bun. Signing has helped us loads and as you said even our speech therapist recommended it. I definitely found with Sam that it helped eased his (and my) frustration and will definitely do it with this baby.

Hope your MIL stops interfering xx

 

[sun]

Hi Sambles! Thanks - how is Sam doing?

And wow you are almost 36 weeks already! I need to visit your journal ASAP!

 

[Sambles]

He is doing really well thanks. We have had 3 sessions with the speech therapist and have another 3 to go. He still isn't saying much (probably about half a dozen words) but he is definitely trying more and making more sounds. It's getting a lot easier for me to understand him now because he is communicating in other ways so in turn he is less frustrated.

How's it going with Bun?

xx

 

[Karlie06]

 

[hattiehippo]

Your MIL really needs to check out her facts especially if she is in the medical field!

I work with children with physical disabilities some of who also have delayed speech and signing is a life line for many of them.

And teaching signing enables children to communciate their needs long before many of them can form the accurate sounds. If/when their spoken language comes on, most then drop signing because speaking is much quicker but until then why would you discourage any child from trying it?! If anything your daughter will prob be able to communciate with you earlier using signs than she would using speech - how is that a bad thing!

I really wish makaton signing had been around when me and my brother were growing up 35 yrs ago. He had a severe speech delay and didn't speak clearly until around 7. He was so frustrated so much of the time because no-one except for me (who interpreted for him) could understand what he was trying to say. Sign language would have helped him so much.

 

[sun]

Thanks so much everyone - and sorry for the delayed response!

Sambles - Bun and Sam sound like twins He is doing almost the same! Though he is echoing the last sounds that we say in a sentence. He never copied sounds before so it is great! He has said quite a few words, but the majority of them were just one-off and he never repeated them again. But he's trying to make us understand much more instead of just getting frustrated by himself. He still does that, but now he will also try and tell us what he wants

HH - I agree. We are so thankful we started signing! x

 

[Peanut78]

How annoying, not to mention hurtful

There is so much ignorance around signing I have come to discover.

My son has a severe speech delay and some other motor delays becuase he was found to have delayed myelination on an MRI. The first thing the paediatric neurologist in South Africa told us was to start using sign with him. It has helped loads, enabling him to communicate with us, and showing us that he actually DID understand most things - which we couldn't really gage before he had a means to communicate.

His speech therapist has emphasised the importance of sign encouraging speech.

We just moved to Dubai and had a follow-up appointment with a new paediatric neuroligist who asked me: "why have you taught him sign language...?". I was a bit shocked at his ignorance tbh

His nursery teacher asked me if he had learnt sign becuase he would never be able to speak

We also get the comments from parents and in-laws who are quick to say "aaah, he'll be fine" whenever I mention what we are working on with T, or something new he is doing/ or something he finds challenging. YES, I know he will be fine, that's not the point!!!

Oh, and it really bothers me when random people (like a friend who doesn't even have kids, or another mum on the playground) starts giving me advice on how I should do certain things with him to help his development i.e. "you really should try and encourage him to dance, go to soft play... etc". Wtf, do you think he has been sat in front of the telly for 2 years? Don't you think we are doing everything we can to aid his development?
Eeek, sorry ended up ranting in your thread...

T can't jump on the trampoline yet either, but is getting more and more gross motor control

Just out of interest Sun, does your son have a known condition as well

 

[sun]

Thanks for the post Peanut!

I get lots of "advice" from strangers too lol. Especially things like "Have you tried reading to him?" - very annoying lol.

Interesting your son sounds very similar to Bun! He never really got a diagnosis apart from Global Developmental Delay - mainly gross motor skills and speech/mouth motor skills. But I feel like he was much more behind his peers 6 months ago than he is now - he's just improving so much! I have never heard of delayed myelination before - does your son have regular assessments to see if it's improving?

 

[Peanut78]

Thanks for the post Peanut!

I get lots of "advice" from strangers too lol. Especially things like "Have you tried reading to him?" - very annoying lol.

Interesting your son sounds very similar to Bun! He never really got a diagnosis apart from Global Developmental Delay - mainly gross motor skills and speech/mouth motor skills. But I feel like he was much more behind his peers 6 months ago than he is now - he's just improving so much! I have never heard of delayed myelination before - does your son have regular assessments to see if it's improving?

T is making lots of progress as well. The only area we are significantly behind is the speech. T still has no words Hence, as you can imagine - why the sign has been invaluable to us. We see a speech therapist 2 x weekly - fingers crossed it comes soon... Otherwise, he is doing everything his peers are doing although somewhat less coordinated and dexterous at times. His condition basically manifests itself like a dyspraxia and he has difficulty in motor planning.

Our initial "diagnosis" was also GDD, and then they did the MRI (we were living in South Africa at the time, where everything was private so they generally run tests rather than not). We may have a repeat MRI in a years time, but given he is making good and steady progress we may opt not to (they need to go under a general for an MRI - not something you want unless necessary ). Otherwise we have a follow-up appointment with the paediatric neurologist every six months to update on progress (and importantly an update for our medical insurance which covers his speech and occupational therapy!).

How is your second LO doing? Our second doesn't seem to have any of the issues T does, he has met every milestone so far, some even on the early side. With T everything was delayed - sitting, crawling, walking etc.

 

[Blue12]

Hi sun

Oh mil's make me crazy. I think sometimes it's also the mil's own feelings of inadequecy that they say stupid things like that. Hugs!

 

[sun]

Peanut - Our girl is doing really well! It is amazing how different they are - because my son was our first, I had no idea the extent of his delay because I had nothing to compare it to. I thought all babies were like him! But now I see the difference. I actually asked my doc why Pip was so stiff at our 2 month jabs, and she said our LO was typical. She is almost 4 months and already doing many things my son did not. She can hold her head up, she pushes up with her legs when they touch the ground, she can lift her head when she is on her tummy - all things my son couldn't do! Also she makes ooo, aaa, and gurgling noises plus gives us smiles and eye contact! Those took my son forever to get! I try not to compare, but it amazes OH and I all the time. Our son was still like a newborn at this age!

Blue - Thanks for the hugs

 

[WW1]

Hi Hun. I know exactly how you feel. People can be so ignorant can't they!

My LO has a speech delay and MIL keeps saying to her "I expect you to speak to me in ... Weeks time". She says it jokingly but it's so irritating. It's as if she thinks Rebecca is choosing not to speak. Drives me nuts!

Sorry for the hijack - just to say you're definitely not alone