so confused

[pinkgem100]

hi

i am new to all so may be a bit all over the place. I had a missed miscarriage on the 3rd december 2008. My whole pregency seemed to be a nightmare, in october i got kidney infection really bad, then in November i ended up inn hospital with sever dehydration, i had a scan the next day after being omitted and all was well with the baby, i was 18 weeks and he was developing well so i was discharge the next day. then i went for my 20 week scan on the 1st dec to find that my baby had died and they think that it had happened in the last two weeks. i then took a tablet etc went home and went back to the hospital on the 3rd dec to give birth to my little angle. The hospital staff where great, i had the same nurses looking after me that i did when i was in at 18 weeks so they were realy sympathetic and let my family stay as long as they wanted. at 8:10pm on the 3rd i had a little boy, we called him Harry and agreed to send him to histology. we found out on the 6th January 09 that Harry is now back from histology and we are just waiting now to find out when we can hold his funeral.. i decided to have a funeral so that i have somewhere to go and be with him if it all gets to much..

I have been back in work since the 5th Jan and i am realy struggling to cope my partner is really supportive and is there for me to talk to but some times i feel like he doent really listen so that he doesnt get upset, people at work have looked at me funny when i say my little boy (as though because he is not alive he is not my little boy or that i am not a mummy) i am getting so confused all the time, not being able to do anything with out getting it wrong and i keep going to put my hand where my bump should be and that it kills me because i have to remind myself that Harry is no longer there.. i am so confused over everything, about trying again for another or should i leave it, anything i do is such hard work and it really gets to me and everynight i get home from work and just fall apart..

just writing this is helping as i can get it all of my chest. i just wish my baby was still with me and it is killing me him not being here.

 

[Wishfull]

Aww sweetie im so so sorry for your loss. Thats just terrible. Its is such a difficult time and its still early days. You need to grieve my darling. You need to let it out. And i know it is horrible that it feels like noone knows how you feel. Or that you feel people are not talking about your baby. In truth it makes people feel uncomfortable because they dont know what to say. You and your partner need no think about trying again right away or do if you wish. Just do what feels right for you.

They ladies on this site will give you all the kind words and support you need as much as we can. Even if you just want to come on here for a rant.

Take care sweetie.x

 

[becky77]

Oh hun i am so sorry for your loss , you need to take time and grieve in your own way. when i had my missed m/c i could not seem to form a coherant thought for weeks, time is the only healer but that wont help you now, so do whatever you need to get through this , cry , rant on here, ttc dont ttc it is up to you, just look after yourself. I found that dh really suffered too as much because he did not know what to do for me, as for others unless they have experienced it they wont understand and will feel uncomfortable.
your little harry is probably looking down thinking what a wonderful mummy he has and he will always be your first lo.

take care hun
x

 

[pinkgem100]

thank you.. i just fell that everything is not going right but i am so glad to hear that i am not the only one.. everyday is another step forward but sometimes i just want to go back to the 1st dec and make it all ok, i just want my baby back..

 

[MrsJD]

Sorry for your loss....it's so hard, I know but time is a healer. It won't bring back your baby but will help you look to the future.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

 

[Widger]

Really sorry to hear your loss. You'll get lots of support from people on here because unfortunately we have all been through a traumatic time too.

You keep calling him your little boy if you want to as you were the person that had to deliver him, whether he was a full term baby or not. If people look at you strangely then that is probably because they have been lucky enough not to lose someone or have experience of this.

You are grieving, so give yourself time.